So it's been awhile since I've been into MySpace, I just don't feel like being here, even on Facebook, it's just sort of oh hi, but I don't feel like responding to anything, so I feel like I've fallen off the edge...
But I haven't, honestly, I just got a little down but I don't want to be there anymore, so I'm pulling my boots on, standing tall, and taking on the world...
Here's what's happening...
I'm currently jobless, but by my own choice. The one was getting irritating, mostly due to the management giving me management duties myself without any actual authority so I couldn't fix things, and without the pay, too, and not that I care too much if you pay more or less, but couldn't you at least give me something in return for doing your work?
The other was fine, except that I had a couple issues with Jake, the manager who's a jerk but I still briefly thought of asking him out anyway, because I felt sorry for him, thought he needed a good time to get off being a jerk, and oh, yeah, he's cute, too...but, well, for some reason, maybe my perky attitude, or my like of Taylor Swift, he doesn't like me
at all, and even though not everyone has to like me, I could just feel his dislike radiating off of him, and so I started searching for another job, and he took offense when he heard, and so I told him just keep me on til the end of the month, and we were actually great between then and now...
Only I never did find that other job, despite interviews, mostly because of the latest piece of news...I've been accepted for spring semester at Rocky Mountain College, in Billings, Montana...yay me!! And I'm all excited for it, can't wait, but well, people don't want you working for three months, they'd prefer that you live a life of drudgery doing something boring at minimum wage for all eternity, and even if they say they support schooling, they actually just want you sell them your soul and work it off for the rest of your days...
And yes, I'm being dramatic, and I actually don't mean half of that, I just like the way it sounds... :)
Lame...
I don't have any romantic interests right now, which is probably for the best, as I tend to forget what I want in life with a dreamy guy in my vision...I've had a couple weird vibes, though...first, a close friend came into work and blurted out he liked me...whoa...and I was flattered, but not in any way feeling it, so I'm honest, and he's okay with it, I think, as we're still friends, but I sometimes wonder if I should cut him off...? Then, a friend of my brother's likes me and I'm not into him at all, only nice because I feel sorry for him, and he acted like he understood, but then started saying things that made it seem like he was going to break me, and he about succeeded, but only in that I'd crack and kill him, never date him, so I broke things off completely...that was fun...haha...then there's this guy I've been friends with for a long time, well, maybe not that long, but it seems like forever to me, and I was gradually falling for him, and his friends said he was falling for me, and I wondered, what would he do if I just up and kissed him? But then, I went to Haiti, and when I came back, he was distant...and I think it's my fault, but I really don't know what I did, exactly, except I know I can put off some pretty intense vibes when I'm into someone, and maybe he realized he didn't want an intense relationship like that? So we're friends, but I haven't really talked to him in almost three months, and gave up on getting a response from a text...but I'd like to thank him, anyways, because I truly count him as the fourth person I've ever loved, and now I don't moon over the last official boyfriend because I had an in between person. :) Not to say I moon over
him, no, because I got a closer relationship with God these days, so it's all good on that count. And I'm just waiting for my not-so-charming prince --who wants all that perfection anyway, right?-- to show up, and according to Maggie, who God talks to more than me, I'll be just fine...
I've found I have maybe four really close friends that I can talk to about anything, excluding family members, and so I've just been working on cultivating those relationships, having a little fun when I can, and it's been good, I think. Every now and then I wonder if they're the
right people to talk to, mostly because, in getting closer to God, I've realized how much I need to surround myself with believers, and only one of them applies to that, and even then, we don't believe the same thing at all, but then I feel like I'd be doing a disservice if I let them go, and I think God wants me around them for a reason...don't know what it is, yet, but there you go...
Which is one of the reasons I was a little iffy about Montana, going so far away from everyone, but I know I can chat online at least with all of them, and I'll have a phone, too, so it should be fine, and I'll just try to be available as much as I can --though I can't neglect my school work, no-- and I just have to trust that if God really wants me to keep these people in my life, He'll help me find a way.
I'm in a constant battle to keep my life organized right now, as, without a job, I have freetime, but no drive to do anything, so, with Mom's help, I've got chores to do, and a study schedule, for math, and piano, and though it's touch and go, I'm not completely awful at sticking to it. As long as I have a list, I've found I can stick to anything...just don't let me get away with thinking I can keep the list in my head! haha or I'll never do anything...
My sister Elle and I are hoping to have a Halloween party this year, which we know our parents don't like the creepy stuff, but if we have it in the barn, there's no need to decorate, it's creepy enough, right? And, it's just really a fun time, music, food, a bonfire if the weather's nice...but Mom and Dad have to say yes first! Please say yes??
I find myself being less emotional than I could be, and I'm able to keep my cool, remain calm, be nice to people I'm otherwise mean to, and though I still cry over things, I don't try to press that on people, as I've found it's actually more embarrassing than helpful...and so if I cry, it really doesn't mean anything these days, just that it's building up and my body doesn't know how else to release stress...if I happen to cry more than most people, it's just my stress level is unbelievably high, even if my life doesn't seem to be...but God's helping me get through it...
My Mom's in Europe right now, which is awesome, but I feel the responsibilities of adulthood more keenly with her gone, and I'm almost glad that God's got different plans than I do, because as much as I've always wanted to be settled, I'm so not ready for anything right now...
Need to grow up...
Stop watching cartoons...
Clean up my act...
And learn to wake up in the mornings instead of afternoons!
Or maybe half that, lol...
It would seem my brain can't produce anything more random so I'll say goodbye for now...
Hope all's well on your end :)
