The Best Thing...

Okay, so today was my day off (yay!) but two people called in sick so I went in to work (not yay!) at about eight in the morning (DEFINITELY not yay!), which might seem late to some, but oh-so-early for me!
Anyway, so that might be part of it, but Mom and I clashed today.
(Am I hungry?)
(Am I PMSing?)
(Am I exhausted?)
Yes to all three!!
Plus, I'm a bit depressed...nightmares...the other night I woke at about two or so, and I was crying, and I yelled at God (rude, I know), basically to the tune of 'It's been almost five months, maybe a little longer! Why is he still plaguing me? Do I need to pray more? Why are you letting this happen? I'm sick and tired of it!'
And probably more...needless to say, I wasn't happy.
But I had the most interesting thought a moment ago...
The best thing about going back to school and moving far, far away?
(Pray for South Carolina to say yes!!)
When I wake up crying in the middle of the night, it will be because I'm homesick, not because of some guy...
Which, yes, is still kind of lame, but not as pathetic as right now.
(Or at least, I'm sure my Mom would think so)
Oh, I can't wait to get out of here...

Disturbingly Real...

The latest dream concerned my brother Eli and his friend John.
The part with Eli (which actually came later) was mostly this big long phone conversation, not with him, actually, but with his boss. We talked about his addictions and how he’d gotten into it and how he was on the mend, etc….it seemed a little awkward, considering I didn’t really know the man but somehow it was clear he was someone I could trust…
The part with John…
A very valid fear.
He came over and wouldn’t go away.
See, the thing with John is, he’s got a major crush on me. Has since I was about fourteen or fifteen, I think…makes me wanna gag…and he can’t quite get it through his head that I would rather die than be anything more than a friend (and sometimes not even that). He’s kind of what you might call a computer genius, and every now and then, when my computer’s on the fritz, I’ll ask him to help and fix it, which he does without question. And even when I try, I can’t pay him back. And he seems to think that my asking for help is a sign that I’m coming around to liking him. Even when I try to explain that I don’t and never will, somehow he convinces himself there’s hope. Like, just recently, I opened his eyes to the fact that I never was the nice sweet girl he thought, that I was actually a rotten spoiled brat, and he’d simply caught my good days. And then he comes back with this stuff about how a person can change, and gives me the reference of 1st Corinthians 13, and how he realized that’s maybe not what he was feeling in the beginning, but he’s working toward it, and I can too…still not getting that I can barely stand him as a friend, so why would I be considering how to love him? It’s just so frustrating…every time I think we can just talk like normal people, he turns it into something more…I’m afraid I may just have to cut him off, and, at the risk of losing a computer genius, not even try to be his friend. I had this conversation with my Dad and he kind of pointed out how John’s feelings are not my problem, so I should pretty much just ignore them, and focus on what I’m looking for in this friendship, but even though that actually makes a little sense, I still find myself feeling guilty that he feels that way about me, as if I did something wrong to make him feel that way…even though I’ve realized that a simple smile could translate to ‘I love you’ in his book.
Poor sap…
But I do think I’m going to have to cut him off, regardless…
In the meantime…
I hope he doesn’t show up in my dreams again, cuz that’s beyond creepy…

And, yes, I did mean that...

Can you believe there's still snow on the ground here?
In APRIL??
Okay, so I hear horror stories of blizzards in May, but honestly...
At least we can put all that global warming junk to rest, haha...

Anyways...
It's been an interesting few days...
I feel myself drifting from place to place, not really paying too much attention to my surroundings, and it's only when something new comes along that I might be willing to take a second look...
April Fool's was not so foolish, unless you consider the joke being the complete and utter lack of customers at the restaurant. It's just been so slow the last week...
And then, Friday I had my last Bible study, finishing the book of James, and I call in to tell them they can now schedule me every Friday instead of every other, and I hear "Well, good, because we have a full house today." If I was more cynical I'd think that they all came in because it's the last time they can without seeing me...but then maybe I am a bit cynical...
Except I can't really even focus on my downed spirits, because after working at the cleaner's that night, I come home to company. A really great couple, Deb n Ron, another one of those family bands we seem to gravitate toward...or maybe they gravitate toward us, I can't tell...but I felt that I couldn't just abandon them to my parents...despite their age...(older than both, I think)...and I ended up chatting with them, and we talked about life and love and God and music --they play in a Celtic band-- and I got an invite to their homeschool prom!! and it was just a great night...complete with chocolate frostys...
They left Saturday while I was at work, but I'm still in a good mood today...
And that's not because I took an extra shift at the restaurant that got me an extra fifty dollars...
(Though I'm sure that helps, haha)
But it kind of broke through the fog a little, meeting them, and now I feel like I can do stuff...

Mom's the coolest, by the way.
She's encouraging me to save money for my junk...
That is, for my recreational delights...
Or something...
And she's a lot easier to talk to when I don't argue with her about every little thing...
Funny...

I'm going to give my sister a call now...
And, Jess, if you don't answer, call me when you read this!!