Disturbingly Real...

The latest dream concerned my brother Eli and his friend John.
The part with Eli (which actually came later) was mostly this big long phone conversation, not with him, actually, but with his boss. We talked about his addictions and how he’d gotten into it and how he was on the mend, etc….it seemed a little awkward, considering I didn’t really know the man but somehow it was clear he was someone I could trust…
The part with John…
A very valid fear.
He came over and wouldn’t go away.
See, the thing with John is, he’s got a major crush on me. Has since I was about fourteen or fifteen, I think…makes me wanna gag…and he can’t quite get it through his head that I would rather die than be anything more than a friend (and sometimes not even that). He’s kind of what you might call a computer genius, and every now and then, when my computer’s on the fritz, I’ll ask him to help and fix it, which he does without question. And even when I try, I can’t pay him back. And he seems to think that my asking for help is a sign that I’m coming around to liking him. Even when I try to explain that I don’t and never will, somehow he convinces himself there’s hope. Like, just recently, I opened his eyes to the fact that I never was the nice sweet girl he thought, that I was actually a rotten spoiled brat, and he’d simply caught my good days. And then he comes back with this stuff about how a person can change, and gives me the reference of 1st Corinthians 13, and how he realized that’s maybe not what he was feeling in the beginning, but he’s working toward it, and I can too…still not getting that I can barely stand him as a friend, so why would I be considering how to love him? It’s just so frustrating…every time I think we can just talk like normal people, he turns it into something more…I’m afraid I may just have to cut him off, and, at the risk of losing a computer genius, not even try to be his friend. I had this conversation with my Dad and he kind of pointed out how John’s feelings are not my problem, so I should pretty much just ignore them, and focus on what I’m looking for in this friendship, but even though that actually makes a little sense, I still find myself feeling guilty that he feels that way about me, as if I did something wrong to make him feel that way…even though I’ve realized that a simple smile could translate to ‘I love you’ in his book.
Poor sap…
But I do think I’m going to have to cut him off, regardless…
In the meantime…
I hope he doesn’t show up in my dreams again, cuz that’s beyond creepy…