I tossed and turned and ached and cried --albeit silently-- and when I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of the strangest places, the strangest people, and I woke up still tired, and utterly confused...
But I woke up at a decent time, at least, so it's not all bad.
I'll be driving home today, haven't decided which route to take, but I've got enough music to last me the whole way, so I'm confident I won't go crazy, at least.
And then, yay, hooray, I have an entire car to unload, and at least two loads of laundry to do...
But I'll be home, which will be a relief, and I'll see my sisters and Mom and Dad...
And then I've got plans the next few days, so I'll be busy even before I go back to work.
I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not.
Pray for a safe trip, I guess...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Talking with Kiana (but no, she's not awake anymore)
And somehow we got on the subject of boys, and it occurred to me...
James and Bryant used the same excuse.
Not in so many words.
"I want to be a priest" vs. "I think we're going in different directions."
No, it was that they're not ready for what I want, and they both said they don't want me to have to wait for them, or to settle for them, or whatever...
And that just makes me mad.
Because now I wonder...
Do they really feel that way, and they want what's best for me?
Or is that just a patented line boys use to make girls feel better?
It doesn't work, for the record.
And now that I'm thinking about it, I feel just plain awful.
And I know, I know God's got great plans for me, plans to sustain me and whatever, I know, I know, I KNOW!
But even though I'm learning to be patient (I'm not quite there yet) for future, the past still hurts.
I can only learn from it.
But what I'm learning doesn't bode well for the future...
Release me, please...
I don't want to cry myself to sleep again...
Especially when I'm not alone in bed and I don't know how heavy of a sleeper Kiki is.
Life doesn't suck.
But it sure feels like it right now...
I'm probably just tired.
Good night, my patient audience...
James and Bryant used the same excuse.
Not in so many words.
"I want to be a priest" vs. "I think we're going in different directions."
No, it was that they're not ready for what I want, and they both said they don't want me to have to wait for them, or to settle for them, or whatever...
And that just makes me mad.
Because now I wonder...
Do they really feel that way, and they want what's best for me?
Or is that just a patented line boys use to make girls feel better?
It doesn't work, for the record.
And now that I'm thinking about it, I feel just plain awful.
And I know, I know God's got great plans for me, plans to sustain me and whatever, I know, I know, I KNOW!
But even though I'm learning to be patient (I'm not quite there yet) for future, the past still hurts.
I can only learn from it.
But what I'm learning doesn't bode well for the future...
Release me, please...
I don't want to cry myself to sleep again...
Especially when I'm not alone in bed and I don't know how heavy of a sleeper Kiki is.
Life doesn't suck.
But it sure feels like it right now...
I'm probably just tired.
Good night, my patient audience...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
25 Random Facts About Me... (Taking a page from Beth)
I also have been tagged by numerous people on Facebook to do this, so I'll do it here...and then MAYBE add it to Facebook...or maybe I won't. Cuz I'm random like that. :)
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I have Smurfette pajamas --I gave some to Jessie for Christmas-- and I absolutely LOVE them...though I don't really like the Smurfs.
2. I like to wear rubber bracelets. I got some from my younger brother, a turquoise blue, and I wore them all the time until they broke...I was bracelet-less for ages...and then a month ago, I saw black and pink ones at Kohl's...and I am bracelet-less no more!
3. I love to do the dishes. Hand-wash, that is. I HATE dishwashers, and vow to never have one in my home, or to take it out if I do. It's cathartic, I think the word is...though I MUST have music to listen to while I wash.
4. Whenever I see something purple, I have to buy it...but I never do, and I think I have maybe two, three things purple...a comfy sweater...a book...some nail polish...it just seems that every purple dark enough to suit me can't help but be blue instead.
5. I hate cold weather, but I love the way snow looks, and I will play for hours if I can, and I don't even notice when I'm getting hypo-thermia (did anyone know me back in tenth grade biology?).
6. I dream every night, sometimes about old friends, sometimes about new, almost always getting in and out of awkward situations, and twice I've thought that if I could only find the person in the dream, I'd find my true love.
7. I like to brag about my typing ability.
8. I have a fuzzy blue plaid-type pillow that I sleep with every night. I used to hate the pillow because it's not actually very comfortable, but it kept me sane when a certain person forgot to call me to say goodnight, so now it's indispensable.
9. I like to sing, a lot, I used to be soprano, and I could hit the highest high notes you could imagine --withOUT breaking glass-- but senior year, I got a cold and my voice just wasn't the same, so I moved down to alto, where I can also hit the lowest low notes. If I want to, I can still sing high, but not for long before my voice gives.
10. I don't get cramps during my period, only for a day or two about a week after.
11. Before I cut my hair short in tenth grade...or was it eleventh? My hair was pretty straight, though it curled under, sort of like Doris Day's. Afterward, it became the curliest thing on the planet, and I have to use a straightener to get rid of those blasted curls...
12. I love every job I've ever had, even on bad days, and friends are amazed that I stick with them as long as I do.
13. Even after three and a half (almost?) years at Angeno's, I still love all their food, and I could eat it every day, all the time. No one else who works there --even the ones who've been there shorter times-- can say the same.
14. I love driving at nighttime. If I can, I'll drive all night, losing sleep, rather than wait until the next day. I'm not sure if it's because of the quiet streets or just because I'm weird...
15. My legs ache when I get tired. I consider it a sort of inner alarm clock, only telling me to go to sleep instead of to wake up.
16. Thursdays are my favorite day of the week, but I can't remember why, because they're also my busiest.
17. I always pack way too much when I go on trips, because I'm convinced that I absolutely NEED everything but the kitchen sink.
18. I'm afraid of dying, not because I don't know where I'm going, but because, since all I'll want to do is praise and worship, won't I get bored?? I guess I'm more afraid of being bored than dying, because, if I'm bored, what's the point?
19. I like to take pictures, but I'm really bad at it --don't ask me to take pictures for you!!
20. I'm determined to become awesome at the game 'Halo'. Don't ask.
21. Red is my favorite color. It could be because it's eye-catching, but I think it's more to do with the fact that I look pretty rockin' in it.
22. I am amused by the most amazing of things...such as a brick wall I didn't even know was behind me.
23. I cry when I get really mad. Not because I think it'll sway others to my opinion, no, I'm not that manipulative. It just seems no one really believes I'm upset unless tears are involved...is this because of past incidents I can't remember, perhaps?
24. Glow-in-the-dark stuff freaks me out. Mostly because I don't remember it exists. Like the million times I've had g-i-t-d nail polish on my toes and then I wake up in the middle of the night...
25. My profile says I hate cheesecake, which is true, but, if you watch me, you'll observe that, at any occasion, if it's offered, I'll take at least two pieces, possibly coming back for more...I think it's the sugar that gets me.
Enough randomness...
Actually...
Because I don't know how --or maybe don't care to know is a better description-- I'm not going to tag twenty-five people...
I'm not going to tag anyone.
Yay!
Or not, haha...
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I have Smurfette pajamas --I gave some to Jessie for Christmas-- and I absolutely LOVE them...though I don't really like the Smurfs.
2. I like to wear rubber bracelets. I got some from my younger brother, a turquoise blue, and I wore them all the time until they broke...I was bracelet-less for ages...and then a month ago, I saw black and pink ones at Kohl's...and I am bracelet-less no more!
3. I love to do the dishes. Hand-wash, that is. I HATE dishwashers, and vow to never have one in my home, or to take it out if I do. It's cathartic, I think the word is...though I MUST have music to listen to while I wash.
4. Whenever I see something purple, I have to buy it...but I never do, and I think I have maybe two, three things purple...a comfy sweater...a book...some nail polish...it just seems that every purple dark enough to suit me can't help but be blue instead.
5. I hate cold weather, but I love the way snow looks, and I will play for hours if I can, and I don't even notice when I'm getting hypo-thermia (did anyone know me back in tenth grade biology?).
6. I dream every night, sometimes about old friends, sometimes about new, almost always getting in and out of awkward situations, and twice I've thought that if I could only find the person in the dream, I'd find my true love.
7. I like to brag about my typing ability.
8. I have a fuzzy blue plaid-type pillow that I sleep with every night. I used to hate the pillow because it's not actually very comfortable, but it kept me sane when a certain person forgot to call me to say goodnight, so now it's indispensable.
9. I like to sing, a lot, I used to be soprano, and I could hit the highest high notes you could imagine --withOUT breaking glass-- but senior year, I got a cold and my voice just wasn't the same, so I moved down to alto, where I can also hit the lowest low notes. If I want to, I can still sing high, but not for long before my voice gives.
10. I don't get cramps during my period, only for a day or two about a week after.
11. Before I cut my hair short in tenth grade...or was it eleventh? My hair was pretty straight, though it curled under, sort of like Doris Day's. Afterward, it became the curliest thing on the planet, and I have to use a straightener to get rid of those blasted curls...
12. I love every job I've ever had, even on bad days, and friends are amazed that I stick with them as long as I do.
13. Even after three and a half (almost?) years at Angeno's, I still love all their food, and I could eat it every day, all the time. No one else who works there --even the ones who've been there shorter times-- can say the same.
14. I love driving at nighttime. If I can, I'll drive all night, losing sleep, rather than wait until the next day. I'm not sure if it's because of the quiet streets or just because I'm weird...
15. My legs ache when I get tired. I consider it a sort of inner alarm clock, only telling me to go to sleep instead of to wake up.
16. Thursdays are my favorite day of the week, but I can't remember why, because they're also my busiest.
17. I always pack way too much when I go on trips, because I'm convinced that I absolutely NEED everything but the kitchen sink.
18. I'm afraid of dying, not because I don't know where I'm going, but because, since all I'll want to do is praise and worship, won't I get bored?? I guess I'm more afraid of being bored than dying, because, if I'm bored, what's the point?
19. I like to take pictures, but I'm really bad at it --don't ask me to take pictures for you!!
20. I'm determined to become awesome at the game 'Halo'. Don't ask.
21. Red is my favorite color. It could be because it's eye-catching, but I think it's more to do with the fact that I look pretty rockin' in it.
22. I am amused by the most amazing of things...such as a brick wall I didn't even know was behind me.
23. I cry when I get really mad. Not because I think it'll sway others to my opinion, no, I'm not that manipulative. It just seems no one really believes I'm upset unless tears are involved...is this because of past incidents I can't remember, perhaps?
24. Glow-in-the-dark stuff freaks me out. Mostly because I don't remember it exists. Like the million times I've had g-i-t-d nail polish on my toes and then I wake up in the middle of the night...
25. My profile says I hate cheesecake, which is true, but, if you watch me, you'll observe that, at any occasion, if it's offered, I'll take at least two pieces, possibly coming back for more...I think it's the sugar that gets me.
Enough randomness...
Actually...
Because I don't know how --or maybe don't care to know is a better description-- I'm not going to tag twenty-five people...
I'm not going to tag anyone.
Yay!
Or not, haha...
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Craziness...
Is actually not as crazy as one might think.
I take care of Liberty, but really only changing diapers, giving her some of my food, filling her sippy cup...and enduring endless childrens' movies...but I kind of like it...and once I put the movie in, I can actually fall back to sleep, lol.
(I think Jess would like to pour water on me some days, but she's been good so far)
I do the dishes at night...though, okay, I missed tonight and last night...ouch...but I try, and the other day I vacuumed --that's on ERIC's job list, not mine, so hah!-- and I keep my stuff picked up, and I clean up after Liberty, and I'm a lot less messy here than I am at home, so I guess I'm good.
When I can, I hold Logan and keep him happy, and I'm always rushing to get diapers for Jessie...
I almost wish I could stay forever, because the longer I'm here, the more I can hold him. The last few days have been okay, but before, any time I'd ask, Jess would snap "NO!" and I'd back off, and just wish I was the one with the baby instead so I could be mean...
Though, honest, I don't think she meant to, I think it's just part of being a mommy.
I'll be just as bad, if not worse, I'm sure, when my time comes.
We've had an assortment of visitors...
A bunch of friends, of course, some for the evening, some for just ten minutes...most for the evening...and family, too. Mom and the girls --minus Ellen-- came down that first weekend, and that was nice, though I'll admit, I wasn't sociable, mostly because it looked like Mom and Jess were into their own conversations, Maggie was into her book, Katey annoyed me the minute I saw her, and Hildi...well, I'm not good at being 'adult' with babies, I like to play, and I needed stimulation...damn Ellen for not coming...no scratch that, sorry...Ross has been over several times, he's a very proud uncle, I think even happier to have a nephew than a niece, haha. Lowell comes when he can, too, though he drives a lot and is gone mostly...even Justin made an appearance, though I ignored him...I'm so mean, but apparently Jessie's meaner, I just didn't hear with the headphones on. Oh, and Aunt Kim and Tate came by yesterday and it was nice chatting with them, and I made the observation that, despite no blood relation, Tate and Katey look somewhat alike...maybe I'm crazy, but they thought it might be the fact that they're going through growing stages...whatever...
I kind of rambled there...
Go figure...
So I'm having my moments, mostly in the middle of the night, still kind of dread sleeping, whatever, but I'm a lot calmer, I think, and a lot less easily upset these last couple days, so obviously prayers are working --thank you to those who kept up.
I think I'm going home soon, though...
Even though I dread it...
I don't want to sleep in my room...
But I feel like I'm almost an extra here, even if no one actually thinks so.
So, if the weather's okay, I'll probably be going on either Monday...today...or Tuesday...we'll see, I guess...
Pray for a safe trip!
I take care of Liberty, but really only changing diapers, giving her some of my food, filling her sippy cup...and enduring endless childrens' movies...but I kind of like it...and once I put the movie in, I can actually fall back to sleep, lol.
(I think Jess would like to pour water on me some days, but she's been good so far)
I do the dishes at night...though, okay, I missed tonight and last night...ouch...but I try, and the other day I vacuumed --that's on ERIC's job list, not mine, so hah!-- and I keep my stuff picked up, and I clean up after Liberty, and I'm a lot less messy here than I am at home, so I guess I'm good.
When I can, I hold Logan and keep him happy, and I'm always rushing to get diapers for Jessie...
I almost wish I could stay forever, because the longer I'm here, the more I can hold him. The last few days have been okay, but before, any time I'd ask, Jess would snap "NO!" and I'd back off, and just wish I was the one with the baby instead so I could be mean...
Though, honest, I don't think she meant to, I think it's just part of being a mommy.
I'll be just as bad, if not worse, I'm sure, when my time comes.
We've had an assortment of visitors...
A bunch of friends, of course, some for the evening, some for just ten minutes...most for the evening...and family, too. Mom and the girls --minus Ellen-- came down that first weekend, and that was nice, though I'll admit, I wasn't sociable, mostly because it looked like Mom and Jess were into their own conversations, Maggie was into her book, Katey annoyed me the minute I saw her, and Hildi...well, I'm not good at being 'adult' with babies, I like to play, and I needed stimulation...damn Ellen for not coming...no scratch that, sorry...Ross has been over several times, he's a very proud uncle, I think even happier to have a nephew than a niece, haha. Lowell comes when he can, too, though he drives a lot and is gone mostly...even Justin made an appearance, though I ignored him...I'm so mean, but apparently Jessie's meaner, I just didn't hear with the headphones on. Oh, and Aunt Kim and Tate came by yesterday and it was nice chatting with them, and I made the observation that, despite no blood relation, Tate and Katey look somewhat alike...maybe I'm crazy, but they thought it might be the fact that they're going through growing stages...whatever...
I kind of rambled there...
Go figure...
So I'm having my moments, mostly in the middle of the night, still kind of dread sleeping, whatever, but I'm a lot calmer, I think, and a lot less easily upset these last couple days, so obviously prayers are working --thank you to those who kept up.
I think I'm going home soon, though...
Even though I dread it...
I don't want to sleep in my room...
But I feel like I'm almost an extra here, even if no one actually thinks so.
So, if the weather's okay, I'll probably be going on either Monday...today...or Tuesday...we'll see, I guess...
Pray for a safe trip!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I found something else!!
Though this isn't quite as random as you might think, it's been mentioned before, and it's actually a constant part of my days...
Okay, so it's not the official video, they don't have one yet, but it's worth watching along with the listen...
And I gotta say, this has to be my favorite songs these days...
Steve Zahn looks really good in prison-orange...
Unfortunately, I could only find him in white...
But I now have a new favorite show...(even if he only guest-starred)...
Wish I had something else random to say...
Monday, January 12, 2009
I'm not a big fan of Ford...
But one of my friends works at an auto-place and he what I think he does (I really don't know) is basically drives cars from one lot to another...or from repairs to the lot...or whatever...
And I decided to ask him what the coolest car he'd driven there was...
(I wasn't expecting very much, not knowing exactly how big a variety there was)
But he told me, his favorite, was a Shelby GT Mustang...
Which sounds totally awesome, right?
(And really expensive, which it is, I found...)
So I looked it up...
And here are some of my favorites...
1967 Ford Mustang Fastback Shelby GT500(Why is it called a Fastback?)
'67 Shelby GT500 Mustang Eleanor Original(Is it Eleanor of Aquitaine or a song by The Turtles? Or neither...)
Barrett Jackson Shelby GT(Does anyone know who or what 'Barrett Jackson' is?)
2007 Shelby GT(For that matter, who's Shelby?)
2010 Shelby - Preview
(Whoever drives this is my kind of people...)
Pretty funky, don't you think?
Maybe when I'm rich I'll pick one up...
Or maybe not...
But hey, a girl can dream, can't I?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
This just in...
I have nothing to say...
Although, you might be interested to know that even if the snow melted, it's coming back tomorrow, apparently, so anyone in the Hicktown, Nebraska area, please drive safely!
That is all...
Good night.
Although, you might be interested to know that even if the snow melted, it's coming back tomorrow, apparently, so anyone in the Hicktown, Nebraska area, please drive safely!
That is all...
Good night.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Another House Rule...
Because I write too much, Jessie said I can't write again for a week or so...
But, well, here I am and it's only been a few days...
Your plans will not work on me!
I have defeated the time that keeps me away from the internet!
Or something...
So, it's been brought to my attention that certain people who read my blog think I'm a little nuts...
You know what I say to that?
Do you?
Thank you.
I enjoy my randomness and weirdness and, yes, nuttiness, and if I didn't have it, I don't think I'd be able to make it through the day...
So, Liberty is obsessed with brushing hair at the moment, which isn't all bad, except that instead of using a normal brush, she uses one for a doll that's about two inches long, if that.
Doesn't exactly work.
But she's happy and excited, and even if her hair doesn't turn out the greatest, that's all we can really ask for, isn't it?
It snowed last night.
Weird, yeah...
And it's still there today.
Even weirder.
But don't worry, Nebraska won't let us down.
It'll melt tomorrow.
Is that crazy or what?\
Jessie's in a bit of pain today...I heard her crying this morning...but she's got a pretty decent attitude --curse words inluded, of course-- and she's doing all right at least...
Plus, her doctor's off to Pittsburgh for the game and won't be back til Monday morning, so she's gotta wait, anyway, if she wants him...
You can do it, Jessie!
I believe in you!
(And if it helps, you can slap me a few times today and this weekend, if you like)
Umm...
The only other significant thing in my life right now is that I started my period today...
Lucky Eric gets TWO hormonal females in the house this week, haha...
Hope all's well with the rest of you...
Love,
Emma
But, well, here I am and it's only been a few days...
Your plans will not work on me!
I have defeated the time that keeps me away from the internet!
Or something...
So, it's been brought to my attention that certain people who read my blog think I'm a little nuts...
You know what I say to that?
Do you?
Thank you.
I enjoy my randomness and weirdness and, yes, nuttiness, and if I didn't have it, I don't think I'd be able to make it through the day...
So, Liberty is obsessed with brushing hair at the moment, which isn't all bad, except that instead of using a normal brush, she uses one for a doll that's about two inches long, if that.
Doesn't exactly work.
But she's happy and excited, and even if her hair doesn't turn out the greatest, that's all we can really ask for, isn't it?
It snowed last night.
Weird, yeah...
And it's still there today.
Even weirder.
But don't worry, Nebraska won't let us down.
It'll melt tomorrow.
Is that crazy or what?\
Jessie's in a bit of pain today...I heard her crying this morning...but she's got a pretty decent attitude --curse words inluded, of course-- and she's doing all right at least...
Plus, her doctor's off to Pittsburgh for the game and won't be back til Monday morning, so she's gotta wait, anyway, if she wants him...
You can do it, Jessie!
I believe in you!
(And if it helps, you can slap me a few times today and this weekend, if you like)
Umm...
The only other significant thing in my life right now is that I started my period today...
Lucky Eric gets TWO hormonal females in the house this week, haha...
Hope all's well with the rest of you...
Love,
Emma
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Home Alone...
But I don't mind, cuz Jessie gave me a bunch of dishes to do...
Or something like that, lol...
I'm about midway through, but I'm out of room, and I can't find a towel to hand-dry, so I'm letting them air-dry before I put them away and start on part two.
I'm also taking this time to do some of my laundry, which has been piling up in the second bathroom...kind of awkward having bras and panties in plain view, especially if we have company.
Hooray for laundry!
So I've been talking to this kid on MySpace, he's twenty-three and lives in Tokyo, and I don't know his real name, I don't think he knows mine, and I'm not even sure if he speaks English or just uses a translator program...but he seems pretty cool, and we've been going back and forth the last week, little tidbits about each other, and it's kind of fun. I mean, normally I hold to the whole 'Don't Talk to Strangers' thing, but he had this awesome cartoon picture of Twilight on his profile, and because I'm working off of Jessie's computer, I couldn't save the picture, so I asked to be his friend instead, just to keep it...but he started talking to me, I talked back, and, well, looks like I've got a friend. Weird...
But here's what I know about him:
1. He works in a movie theater, though I don't know if it's management or not.
2. He likes Linkin Park.
3. He's seen the Twilight movie four times.
4. His grandparents died a long time ago.
5. He has one sister, and still lives at home, both parents in residence.
6. He likes to watch tv, listen to music, and hang out with his friends.
7. When I said I love to read (and I went on about it a bit), his response was 'Reading is cool.'
8. He likes to clean, too.
And that's what I know so far, but, well, it's enough for me right now...my next question is if his sister is older or younger, though if she still lives at home, and he's twenty-three and lives at home, unless tradition's weird there, she's probably younger...
I've got another favorite song...
"I'm Letting Go" by Francesca Battistelli
'I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go'
Well, at least I'm trying...
Or something like that, lol...
I'm about midway through, but I'm out of room, and I can't find a towel to hand-dry, so I'm letting them air-dry before I put them away and start on part two.
I'm also taking this time to do some of my laundry, which has been piling up in the second bathroom...kind of awkward having bras and panties in plain view, especially if we have company.
Hooray for laundry!
So I've been talking to this kid on MySpace, he's twenty-three and lives in Tokyo, and I don't know his real name, I don't think he knows mine, and I'm not even sure if he speaks English or just uses a translator program...but he seems pretty cool, and we've been going back and forth the last week, little tidbits about each other, and it's kind of fun. I mean, normally I hold to the whole 'Don't Talk to Strangers' thing, but he had this awesome cartoon picture of Twilight on his profile, and because I'm working off of Jessie's computer, I couldn't save the picture, so I asked to be his friend instead, just to keep it...but he started talking to me, I talked back, and, well, looks like I've got a friend. Weird...
But here's what I know about him:
1. He works in a movie theater, though I don't know if it's management or not.
2. He likes Linkin Park.
3. He's seen the Twilight movie four times.
4. His grandparents died a long time ago.
5. He has one sister, and still lives at home, both parents in residence.
6. He likes to watch tv, listen to music, and hang out with his friends.
7. When I said I love to read (and I went on about it a bit), his response was 'Reading is cool.'
8. He likes to clean, too.
And that's what I know so far, but, well, it's enough for me right now...my next question is if his sister is older or younger, though if she still lives at home, and he's twenty-three and lives at home, unless tradition's weird there, she's probably younger...
I've got another favorite song...
"I'm Letting Go" by Francesca Battistelli
'I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go'
Well, at least I'm trying...
I Can't Concentrate...
'Enthusiasm is a telescope that yanks the misty, distant future intothe radiant, tangible present.'
This was at the bottom of my friend's email, I'm not sure if it's something he wrote or not, but it sounded kind of funky...though I have to admit I don't quite get it...
Maybe it's the cold that's seeping through my body.
If you read my sister's blog, you may know that we're experiencing a heatwave here in Hicktown, Nebraska, of forty degrees, and they say it's going to be warmer tomorrow...
Well, I've been going a little stir-crazy, I don't know if it's that I'm used to being on the go, from one job to another to another, but tonight, about ten-thirty-ish, I asked my brother where the park was, and I went out, and played on the swing-set for half an hour or so. I had my cd player filled with Christmas music, which, if anyone heard me singing, they probably thought I was crazy, and I waved at the few cars that passed by --proof there IS some type of traffic here!-- and then I got bored with the swings, so I ended up dancing to "Wonderful Christmastime" sung by Demi Lovato, and about halfway through, I did one of my fun spin things, and saw a truck sssllloooowwwllyy driving by...I think they were watching me, but at that point, I didn't care, I was just happy to be out and about and I was having the time of my life...
And then I decided to switch cds and realized that the temperature had dropped...either that, or my heat from being inside the last few days had worn off. So it's back inside I go...
But even an hour later, I'm still cold, and I only hope the hot chocolate kicks in soon...
But, man, I really needed that bit of outside, and I think I'm going to do a repeat tomorrow...except maybe dig up some gloves or something, lol...
This was at the bottom of my friend's email, I'm not sure if it's something he wrote or not, but it sounded kind of funky...though I have to admit I don't quite get it...
Maybe it's the cold that's seeping through my body.
If you read my sister's blog, you may know that we're experiencing a heatwave here in Hicktown, Nebraska, of forty degrees, and they say it's going to be warmer tomorrow...
Well, I've been going a little stir-crazy, I don't know if it's that I'm used to being on the go, from one job to another to another, but tonight, about ten-thirty-ish, I asked my brother where the park was, and I went out, and played on the swing-set for half an hour or so. I had my cd player filled with Christmas music, which, if anyone heard me singing, they probably thought I was crazy, and I waved at the few cars that passed by --proof there IS some type of traffic here!-- and then I got bored with the swings, so I ended up dancing to "Wonderful Christmastime" sung by Demi Lovato, and about halfway through, I did one of my fun spin things, and saw a truck sssllloooowwwllyy driving by...I think they were watching me, but at that point, I didn't care, I was just happy to be out and about and I was having the time of my life...
And then I decided to switch cds and realized that the temperature had dropped...either that, or my heat from being inside the last few days had worn off. So it's back inside I go...
But even an hour later, I'm still cold, and I only hope the hot chocolate kicks in soon...
But, man, I really needed that bit of outside, and I think I'm going to do a repeat tomorrow...except maybe dig up some gloves or something, lol...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Strange Relations...
'In her mind she saw a long stretch of sun-scorched sand spreading bleak and empty before her. She had so much--her job, her friends--but all she could see was the barren sand.'
I have my moments, and believe me, Glitter Baby, I can relate...
But, other than a slight twinge after reading it, I think I'm pretty good.
Time heals all wounds?
Or maybe I'm just better at ignoring the pain...isn't that what you're supposed to do to something annoying that won't go away?
We're doing a little spring clean-up here, throwing out toys, mostly, and then, once that's done, we're vacuuming EVERYTHING...or at least most everything in the living room. I hope Liberty doesn't freak out over any favorite toys...back to work!
I have my moments, and believe me, Glitter Baby, I can relate...
But, other than a slight twinge after reading it, I think I'm pretty good.
Time heals all wounds?
Or maybe I'm just better at ignoring the pain...isn't that what you're supposed to do to something annoying that won't go away?
We're doing a little spring clean-up here, throwing out toys, mostly, and then, once that's done, we're vacuuming EVERYTHING...or at least most everything in the living room. I hope Liberty doesn't freak out over any favorite toys...back to work!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Running out of Options, so we Repeat...
Liberty likes to watch movies. Even midway through the first movie, she'll have another picked out. It's hard to say no sometimes, but you know you have to in order to preserve your sanity. But, I've found that she's also quite willing to watch something I picked out as well --is it because I have good taste or does she like me that much?-- and Jessie admits to not having censored their movies, so I don't really have to worry about it being scary, like "The Nightmare Before Christmas," or being a little violent, like "Walking Tall." However, today, I'm just not in the mood to pore over the many titles my sister has to offer, so I'm letting her take over, and she picked "Monsters, Inc" which, if I'm not much mistaken, we've already watched two times over the last few days.
Do I regret letting her make the choice?
Not necessarily...
Am I sick of the movie, yet?
Not really...
Do I want to turn it off anyway?
Yes, actually, I do...
But she's just so happy watching it, and she gets so into it, I can't bear to have her crying at me...
Is this bad parenting or not? I'm really not sure...but no one can really complain, because she's dressed, she's fed, she's HAPPY. Isn't that what counts?
Time to do a few dishes... :)
Do I regret letting her make the choice?
Not necessarily...
Am I sick of the movie, yet?
Not really...
Do I want to turn it off anyway?
Yes, actually, I do...
But she's just so happy watching it, and she gets so into it, I can't bear to have her crying at me...
Is this bad parenting or not? I'm really not sure...but no one can really complain, because she's dressed, she's fed, she's HAPPY. Isn't that what counts?
Time to do a few dishes... :)
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The House Rules...
Okay, so, really, at this point, there's only one, and it was just made today, cuz I have an unfortuante habit of, well...
Rule #1
Do not mention the name James AT ALL while hear, upon threat of being hit in the nose.
That's not a joke. Jessie says this month is supposed to be a relaxed, happy time, which, on the one hand it is, on the other hand...not so much. I'm better during the day, it's just when I shut my eyes...I've been taking small naps in order to catch up on sleep, and even as small as they are, somehow there's time enough for a dream, and guess who's there?
(I can't tell you because I don't wanna get hit, haha)
Maybe it's the fact that my schedule's mixed up. I mean, I went from a seventy-hour work-week to nothing, so...although the dishes did take me about an hour yesterday. One down, sixty-nine to go!! But, no, I'm okay, and life is groovy and all...and I'm excited because, as Jessie said...
TEN DAYS
TEN DAYS
TEN DAYS!!!
(She may have said it one more time, idk)
That's exciting though, isn't it?
Oh, and I bought a book...I know, for shame on me, but it's one of my favorite authors, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, so I had to...or I THOUGHT I had to anyway...so I'll get lost in that.
Also, I've managed to work on my stories --did I mention this before?-- and the ones I picked are coming along quite nicely...sometimes I'm amazed at how good I am...
:P
My only real complaint today?
It's cold outside!!!
And no snow in site...
Bummer...
Hope all is well with the rest of you, love you all and thanks for your good wishes and prayers!!
Rule #1
Do not mention the name James AT ALL while hear, upon threat of being hit in the nose.
That's not a joke. Jessie says this month is supposed to be a relaxed, happy time, which, on the one hand it is, on the other hand...not so much. I'm better during the day, it's just when I shut my eyes...I've been taking small naps in order to catch up on sleep, and even as small as they are, somehow there's time enough for a dream, and guess who's there?
(I can't tell you because I don't wanna get hit, haha)
Maybe it's the fact that my schedule's mixed up. I mean, I went from a seventy-hour work-week to nothing, so...although the dishes did take me about an hour yesterday. One down, sixty-nine to go!! But, no, I'm okay, and life is groovy and all...and I'm excited because, as Jessie said...
TEN DAYS
TEN DAYS
TEN DAYS!!!
(She may have said it one more time, idk)
That's exciting though, isn't it?
Oh, and I bought a book...I know, for shame on me, but it's one of my favorite authors, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, so I had to...or I THOUGHT I had to anyway...so I'll get lost in that.
Also, I've managed to work on my stories --did I mention this before?-- and the ones I picked are coming along quite nicely...sometimes I'm amazed at how good I am...
:P
My only real complaint today?
It's cold outside!!!
And no snow in site...
Bummer...
Hope all is well with the rest of you, love you all and thanks for your good wishes and prayers!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
I Do It to Myself...
So, in a few days, I'll 'celebrate' the one-month anniversary of my being single.
Stupid, and I know Mom says I really need to stop keeping track of dates, cuz that's what really hurts me...Did you know that February officially sucks because of dates? But, well, I can't seem to stop, and so if I happen to look at a calendar, or be in one of those strange phases where I'm actually keeping track of the date, I'll be depressed for at least half the day before I slap myself and snap out of it. I don't know why I do it, maybe I like being miserable, but I don't, really, so why...?
I have this playlist on my MySpace, this new thing where you can put ten of your favorite songs on your profile page, not that anyone would actually be on your page long enough to listen to it all, but it's the thought that counts, right? Anyway, so initially, it was just these fun songs I'd been hearing on the radio lately, or something my sister introduced me to, whatever, and it was pretty cool. But the other day I started thinking about this song, it's called 'Suga, Suga' by Baby Bash, it's actually a sort of hip-hop/R&B/rap -type song, which I normally don't like, but I listened to it one time with James, and he came up behind me, put his arms around me, started swaying me back and forth, and sang softly in my ear...well, it's the only time I found myself liking that song, and I haven't listened to it since, but I looked it up and decided to put it on my playlist. Shortly after, I added "Destination Calabria" with Alex Guadino and Crystal Waters, a song that's a blast to listen to, and the music video is a little more flirtatious than maybe it should be, but it's great and we must have had that song on in his truck at least 75% of the time, if not more. Then I looked up "Fever for the Flava" by Hot Action Cop, a totally crude rude and unacceptable song that I somehow found myself liking...even as I was disgusted by the music video...probably because he introduced me to it, idk...I stopped myself from adding any more songs that I related to him, only because I realized that the other songs, even if we'd never heard them together, somehow reminded me of him anyway.
I also found myself going on his Facebook profile today, as we are still friends on that, even though we haven't talked in a month...
How do you spell PATHETIC??
It's okay, though...
I've got a new favorite song, which, yeah, brings him up, but it's good...
"Fine" by Jaymes Reunion
'You never really loved until you watch it fall apart
And you never really lived until you felt like you can die
And you never really stood until the weight has pushed you over
Your pickin up the pieces just to find
Your doin just fine'
Really, I am.
Stupid, and I know Mom says I really need to stop keeping track of dates, cuz that's what really hurts me...Did you know that February officially sucks because of dates? But, well, I can't seem to stop, and so if I happen to look at a calendar, or be in one of those strange phases where I'm actually keeping track of the date, I'll be depressed for at least half the day before I slap myself and snap out of it. I don't know why I do it, maybe I like being miserable, but I don't, really, so why...?
I have this playlist on my MySpace, this new thing where you can put ten of your favorite songs on your profile page, not that anyone would actually be on your page long enough to listen to it all, but it's the thought that counts, right? Anyway, so initially, it was just these fun songs I'd been hearing on the radio lately, or something my sister introduced me to, whatever, and it was pretty cool. But the other day I started thinking about this song, it's called 'Suga, Suga' by Baby Bash, it's actually a sort of hip-hop/R&B/rap -type song, which I normally don't like, but I listened to it one time with James, and he came up behind me, put his arms around me, started swaying me back and forth, and sang softly in my ear...well, it's the only time I found myself liking that song, and I haven't listened to it since, but I looked it up and decided to put it on my playlist. Shortly after, I added "Destination Calabria" with Alex Guadino and Crystal Waters, a song that's a blast to listen to, and the music video is a little more flirtatious than maybe it should be, but it's great and we must have had that song on in his truck at least 75% of the time, if not more. Then I looked up "Fever for the Flava" by Hot Action Cop, a totally crude rude and unacceptable song that I somehow found myself liking...even as I was disgusted by the music video...probably because he introduced me to it, idk...I stopped myself from adding any more songs that I related to him, only because I realized that the other songs, even if we'd never heard them together, somehow reminded me of him anyway.
I also found myself going on his Facebook profile today, as we are still friends on that, even though we haven't talked in a month...
How do you spell PATHETIC??
It's okay, though...
I've got a new favorite song, which, yeah, brings him up, but it's good...
"Fine" by Jaymes Reunion
'You never really loved until you watch it fall apart
And you never really lived until you felt like you can die
And you never really stood until the weight has pushed you over
Your pickin up the pieces just to find
Your doin just fine'
Really, I am.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Just another lazy-day afternoon...
So, having stayed up late, not to celebrate the day, but to watch a movie --lame or what?-- I didn't get out of bed...or off the couch, that is...until about two this afternoon. And though it's not too far later, can you believe I'm tired already? I'm not sure if it's the whole small-town feel or what, but I just feel so...lazy...maybe a little bored...though I was working on a story or two, so not too much so there...but I feel like I can't get anything done. I'm thinking I'm going through work-withdrawal...I work EVERY SINGLE DAY normally, and yet, due to my vacation, I haven't since the 27th...that's what, four, five days? And already I miss it...wow...
Anyway, so it seems the family isn't well today, myself included. We're all a little cranky, a little headache-y, and I at least have a horrible cough that burns...ouch...but, because I'm trying to be smart and healthy and take care of myself, I found a solution that will actually help my sister...at least in that her house won't be so cluttered. I'm going to finish off a couple bottles of Xango over the next month, and since she's got like fifty of them...maybe only thirty...I'll have to count, but well, needless to say, she'll be happy. And hopefully my body will be too. :)
I keep staring at my fingernails, wondering what color to do...on my right hand, as the left was painted pink and green yesterday. Should I do the same? Or something different? We all know I'm crazy enough to get away with it, ha ha...I was thinking black and silver...but then again I'm really crushing on this blue I've got, too...choices, choices...
I absolutely LOVE the song "So What" by Pink...it's sort of an obsession the last few weeks...it brings me up, it brings me down, and I like it to the point where I took the time to listen to all the words, and I made a dance for it...I remember a few weeks back, I was working late at the restaurant and it came on, and, since there were no customers, I turned the volume way up, and jumped up on the counter...it was awesome, though my manager thought I was crazy, but such is life...
I'm doing just fine.
Thanks for listening to my randomness...
Anyway, so it seems the family isn't well today, myself included. We're all a little cranky, a little headache-y, and I at least have a horrible cough that burns...ouch...but, because I'm trying to be smart and healthy and take care of myself, I found a solution that will actually help my sister...at least in that her house won't be so cluttered. I'm going to finish off a couple bottles of Xango over the next month, and since she's got like fifty of them...maybe only thirty...I'll have to count, but well, needless to say, she'll be happy. And hopefully my body will be too. :)
I keep staring at my fingernails, wondering what color to do...on my right hand, as the left was painted pink and green yesterday. Should I do the same? Or something different? We all know I'm crazy enough to get away with it, ha ha...I was thinking black and silver...but then again I'm really crushing on this blue I've got, too...choices, choices...
I absolutely LOVE the song "So What" by Pink...it's sort of an obsession the last few weeks...it brings me up, it brings me down, and I like it to the point where I took the time to listen to all the words, and I made a dance for it...I remember a few weeks back, I was working late at the restaurant and it came on, and, since there were no customers, I turned the volume way up, and jumped up on the counter...it was awesome, though my manager thought I was crazy, but such is life...
I'm doing just fine.
Thanks for listening to my randomness...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Hard to believe it's 2009...
I'll be twenty-two...
Life's no fun after twenty-one!!
So I better live while I can, haha...
Anyway, so I'm wishing you all the best, and I'm thinking about resolutions and all, so here's a start...
1. Read all my books.
Can I do it? I hope, but we'll see...just don't let me buy anymore!!!
(I'd rather get them as presents lol)
2. Pay off all my bills.
This is totally doable. I'll be free of the large ones by April I'm sure and then all I'll worry about is the phone and insurance...easy!!
3. Stop wasting money.
So I've been better at keeping track of what I spend, and so I'm a lot more aware of how 'Wow' my spending habits...but I keep spending. Anybody else realize how 'ouch' things get when Mommy and Daddy stop paying for things?
4. Be nicer to my family.
Okay so this'll be a hard one, but I really LIKE my family, so it's worth it.
5. Take better care of myself.
Eat healthy, BE healthy...no more junk!!
6.
Okay, so I can't think of anything else, but at this point, I think I can stick with this and be good. :)
As I said, wishing you all the best...
Love,
Emma
I'll be twenty-two...
Life's no fun after twenty-one!!
So I better live while I can, haha...
Anyway, so I'm wishing you all the best, and I'm thinking about resolutions and all, so here's a start...
1. Read all my books.
Can I do it? I hope, but we'll see...just don't let me buy anymore!!!
(I'd rather get them as presents lol)
2. Pay off all my bills.
This is totally doable. I'll be free of the large ones by April I'm sure and then all I'll worry about is the phone and insurance...easy!!
3. Stop wasting money.
So I've been better at keeping track of what I spend, and so I'm a lot more aware of how 'Wow' my spending habits...but I keep spending. Anybody else realize how 'ouch' things get when Mommy and Daddy stop paying for things?
4. Be nicer to my family.
Okay so this'll be a hard one, but I really LIKE my family, so it's worth it.
5. Take better care of myself.
Eat healthy, BE healthy...no more junk!!
6.
Okay, so I can't think of anything else, but at this point, I think I can stick with this and be good. :)
As I said, wishing you all the best...
Love,
Emma
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