Who am I? I am a Perfectionist.

per·fec·tion·ism  /pər ˈfɛk ʃə ˌnɪz əm/

noun

1. any of various doctrines holding that religious, moral, social, or political perfection is attainable.

2. a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.

You know those people who are super anal retentive and make you want to scream because nothing is ever 'just right?'

I'm one of those people.

Oh, you may not see it, and you may think that can't be true; I mean, please, the girl is in an area of study where perfection is literally impossible, she's messy, lazy, she can barely keep her GPA above 2.5...

Where is this 'perfection?'

I am a Perfectionist in that I will play the piano until my hands bleed so I can get that one section sounding anywhere close to what the composer might have wanted.

I am a Perfectionist in that if I cannot take complete notes in a class, I will stop taking notes altogether because I believe in the possibility of impossibility.

I am a Perfectionist in that I will try this spice and that spice and maybe one or two more before I decide to write down a recipe in my notebook.

I am a Perfectionist in that I will erase and rewrite and erase and rewrite and then grab an entirely new sheet of paper so it looks like I didn't have to try at all.

I am a Perfectionist in that I will not let myself have any sort of fun until I am certain I can do nothing more to make my work the best it can be.

And yes, I fall short.  I make mistakes.  I am lazy sometimes, and no matter how often I clean my room, it always looks like a tornado spun through it the next day.

And I beat myself up for that.

But I keep moving forward.  I still strive for perfection.

Because I am a Perfectionist.

Cheers.

Who am I? I am a Girl.

[The following is the first in a series of 'Who am I?' blogs, that will hopefully give you a little more insight into the person that I am.  Any and all comments are appreciated.  Cheers.]

I am a Girl.

First and foremost, I am a Girl biologically.  I have double-X chromosomes, I have more estrogen than testosterone flowing through me, I can't pee standing up, and I have this lovely friend I like to call 'Red' that shows up once a month or so.  I have breasts that are uneven and probably always will be no matter what oils or creams I decide to use.  I am not as strong as my male counterparts, and I am not as tall, and though I might bemoan that on occasion, I console myself with thoughts of the future generations I will someday (literally) give birth to.

Secondly, and though this may be due to some of that biology, I am a Girl emotionally.  I cry.  A lot.  At movies, books, commercials, children playing in the park, puppies being taken for a walk, broken dishes, burnt food, misspelled words, clothes that don't fit right...I cry.  And I'm sensitive.  If you yell at me (whether it's about me or just in my direction), I take it personally.  If you're hurting, I'm hurting.  If you're happy, I'm (usually) happy, too...unless I'm jealous.  Which I am, a lot.  Jealous of your lifestyle, jealous of your children, jealous of your apparent ease with which you glide through life.  I scream, I rant, I rave, at all the things I love and hate (and all the things I can't decide which I feel).  I have super highs and abysmal lows.  I feel things, and I feel them deeply.

Third, I am a Girl spiritually.  I have a distinctly childish (a distinctly girlish) way of seeing the world.  I believe in fairy tales.  I don't understand why God gave me naturally blonde hair when I clearly look better as a red-head.  I am impulsive and selfish and scatter-brained in ways I can't even begin to count, most of them to my detriment.  I learn, but at a slow pace.  I wait for the world to come to me rather than going after it.  I dream big...and I am afraid of those dreams.  But I'm dancing and singing non-stop along the way to distract myself.

Who am I?

I am a Girl.