Four-score and forever ago...

I forgot that I had a blog.
Shame on me?
What can I say...sorry, I guess, though I doubt you missed me, because I'm hard to understand, and even give myself a headache at times, so...yeah...
So what to say, then?
Start from now and go backwards, or start from summer and go forwards? What's freshest? Well, that's an easy question...what's easiest to write about, though? That's where things get...interesting...ahaha...

On my desk is the book Sunshine, by one Robin McKinley, author of such great stories as Spindle's End and Beauty and Deerskin, and I greatly look forward to the time when I have enough money to buy her newest volume, Pegasus --or perhaps I'll just wait until it's in paperback, so I'll get it cheaper. I digress...the point is Sunshine. An epic story of love and mystery and Death by Chocolate and what, in my opinion, the Twilight Saga could only dream of being. I've got a thing for vampires, you know? However, like the title character, I also have a thing for 'sunshine,' which, unfortunately, I am lacking in.
Point one: I moved back into the dorms, the upper-classmen dorms, known as 'Rimview,' and it's all lovely, and my roommates are great, and I just like being here. And everything fits into my room, from the piano and three guitars (four if you count the bass) to the Christmas tree and my forty-plus dresses. Great, and lovely, and surprisingly uncramped...though I tend to hit my head on the ceiling if I'm not careful, but that's neither here nor there. No, the only problem is in looking out my window, I have a great view of the courtyard, whether it be green and bright or snowy and dark, and I can see everything that's happening within the dorm, if I choose to do so...and I can see the sunshine that, due to my poor choice of rooms, does not even touch my window, no matter the time of day. Perfection...
Point two: while it's been surprisingly warm weather this fall, I still have had the heater on in my own room since early October. I'm sure my roommates are grateful that it's a small personal one, and that I'm not turning up the heat in the entire unit. As I told my friends the other day, I am a northern girl with southern sensibilities; i.e., I get cold unless it's eighty degrees out. And, since the sunlight doesn't reach my room, I'm even colder, having no outside source to absorb.
Point three: I repeat, the weather has been surprisingly warm this fall. But just this last Thursday, winter descended upon us, and it's snowing...and snowing...and snowing...and even when it stops, I haven't seen hair nor hide of the sun in days. I hope my next living space has at the very least a better window set-up.
Sunshine, I love you, and I'll be back for you someday, so please don't forget me!!

I've been feeling lonely the last...however long it's been. I spent the whole summer away from home, though with Johanna and Jordan, who I consider extended family, so it was nice, and though I'm rather asocial most of the time, we still had good times together.
And then, the summer was over, and I went home...for only two, maybe three days? And then it's back to school, and I was looking forward to winter break, going home, recharging from lack of family...I'm like Nodame without Chiaki...give me at least a shirt that smells like you, please!! But, well, money is tight, winter weather is rough on driving, and though a flight would give me extra time --five hours travel-time versus sixteen-- it would also double the cost, and a train would only make the road issues disappear, and so...I'm not going home. And I realize, then, that if you think about it, it's been almost a year since I've been at home. I was there for a month after spring semester, true, and there are those three days between summer and fall semester, but I was almost a guest in my own house. Heck, that month I was home, I didn't even really have a room to myself, having Eli's stuff in there, and then I'd sleep more often in MJ's bed with her instead...trying to do that 'recharging' I mentioned. And it's the same for those three days. It's been understood in my mind that I really have moved out, even if it's only to the dorms, and that home will never be home again...which makes me feel homeless.
So I'm lonely.
Haha.
Who'd have thunk?
And yes, I've got friends here, and I have graciously accepted invitations to Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations where I know I'll feel the outsider, but it's better than being alone, isn't it? I'm really trying to lessen my alone time, because I sink into these funks and don't do a thing...bad, bad, bad...
The school counselor thinks, if I don't improve, I should get some meds...which makes me really want to laugh, because, heck, I'm the bouncy, annoying, cheerful, and ditzy cheerleader, aren't I? People tell me to be calm, and try to mellow out, and it just doesn't work, and if I try, then I'm depressed, so I just go back to bouncy...and the bouncy girl needs antidepressants, yay...haha, seriously, though, what's wrong with this picture?
God, it's hard being here...and so I'm going to ask if you'll all contribute something to my Christmas tree, whether it be a candy cane to decorate or a present to sit beneath, so then I'll have some physical knowledge that I'm not alone...is that wrong to ask?
I sound pathetic, I'm sure, but I laugh as I'm writing, so I figure I'll be okay; I just thought I should be honest, because not talking about it makes it worse, according to me, and according to the counselor, and according to the academic advisor, and according to the history and piano teachers...nice to know people are concerned, though I hate it when I overhear a conversation like "Emma's depressed, isn't she?"
Damn right I am, and you just made it worse, thank you very much...
And now I'm ranting, so I'll move on...

I decided to change my major.
I've been into the history and English side of things, and of course, I still am; I love reading and writing stories, and I've found I'm actually pretty good at writing papers if I put my mind to it, and there's still that tiny part of me that thinks being a librarian would be cool...
But music is my life. And even if I fall behind in history and English, I never have, and never will do so in music, because it's just so important, and it's much more engaging to me than anything else I've ever done, and so...
"Hello, my name is Emma, and I'm a music performance major, with a focus on piano and composition."
It's really cool, and really intense, and yes, I practice four to five hours a day...or is it three to four? I can't count, haha...but this is it. And I know it is, because God told me so...
...
Wish he'd talk to me about other things too...oh, well, I just gotta pay attention more n listen.

I'm not always eating right, but I'm trying to take my vitamins every day. I have a meal-plan, and almost always get to lunch these days, especially since it's fifty meals the whole semester and I have more than there are days left in the school year, due to...um...depressing moments, I guess. I could have sworn I was gaining weight this semester, but I'm perfectly even to what I was last year at this time. That's a good thing, I suppose...though I still gotta eat better...but I'm making my own food in the dorm when I don't get to the cafeteria, and it's edible if not tasty. I'm going for healthy versus taste, and cheap versus everything. Who said I can't be sensible? I've resolved not to give into temptation and buy candy anymore. I keep peppermints handy, though, because they help me to stay awake...which is crazy, but true. (Thanks, Mic, for the advice!!) And then, for the rest of the time, I've got a part-time job at Subway, which gives me one free meal per shift, so I can have taste a few times a week, haha...tea is a major part of my diet, and though this always makes me think of Dad, it's the one thing that concerns home that doesn't make me miss home. Weird...
If I were to ask for a care-package, I'd probably want peanut butter, pasta, and some oatmeal cookies... =]
But I can get the first two for myself, and I have friends with ovens --wish I had a DORM with them-- so I can make those myself, if I have time...
What I really need are a bunch of quick, easy recipes that will cover the basics, like proteins, dairies, grains, etc, but be able to buy the ingredients in under ten dollars...those exist, right? Or I could just keep making goulash, and mixing tuna in with my macaroni and cheese...like I said, cheap and healthy over taste...though those could be healthier, I think...
Or, I know, if you're in the area, take me out for lunch!! yay!! haha...

On the matter of health, some of you know, some of you do not, but I was losing feeling in my right hand the last two months. A scary thing, especially considering my change of major. And scary, too, that the doctors have no idea what it is. I've been to the doctor more in the last month and a half than I have my entire life...or it seems like it. For the record, I hate doctors. I will look up my symptoms online, take vitamins and natural supplements to heal, and when I have kids, home-births all the way...doctors are bad!!
(And if you're a doctor, it's not you personally, I hate, just your profession, so don't feel bad, okay?)
Anyway, so it's been a concern, and I wouldn't have seen the doctors if I hadn't realized it wasn't going away and I had no idea how to make it so...go figure that they don't have any ideas, either. Another reason why I shouldn't have gone in the first place.
However, the last appointment I had, they said, though they don't know what causes it, it's clearly getting better...praise the Lord, right?

Which brings me to my next point...
I have found a church that I like, in the Heights, called City Church, and it's a lot like Hope back home, which is cool. Also, though not a factor of my liking it, but Pastor Kalen looks and sounds like Alec Baldwin...no kidding. Though, he's probably a little heavier, and his voice is a tad lighter, but I'd swear they were related...
The people there are really nice, though, and the pianist is great, the music is very up-lifting and inspiring, and I can really feel the presence of God there, which I couldn't in some of the other churches I've been in...and I wonder why that is? Hmm...anyway, so they have these cards you can fill out, concerning whether you're a first-timer or a regular or whatever, and on the back, they have a spot for prayer requests, and I figured to myself, why not put that issue with my hand down?
And I've noticed, that the 'getting better' the doctor mentioned, starting happening shortly after that...guess all I needed was God, huh?
Unfortunately I'll miss service tomorrow, due to work conflicts, but I'm pretty sure I've found where I'm supposed to be, and that's a relief, let me tell ya...
I hope I can be a positive addition to the church body.

Hmmm...
I kind of don't want to talk about how the rest of summer went...
It was good, of course, just...I feel like when I left, I closed a door, and I don't want to open it right now...
This is the important stuff, anyway, so it works...

Hope everyone is well, as always, prayers are appreciated, care packages are more appreciated, and nice hefty check is best <3
(HA!)
Love you all, stay warm...

Adventures in Dishwashing...

As you may or may not know (but soon will either way), I am working at Yellowstone National Park this summer. Wide open spaces, new friends (and old, as I will explain later), and a great opportunity to try out my camera skills.
As you also may or may not know (same rules apply), I'm working in the dish-pit. In other words, I get to spend eight hours a day washing away what all the spoiled rich people who come to the resort decide they don't want to eat.
And ouch, was that a little harsh? Maybe, maybe, moving on...
Or actually, let's back up a little, shall we?
Last year, must have been summer, hanging out with my friend Johanna (don't pronounce the 'h' please!), and she was saying how she didn't really want to spend another summer at home. College gives you a sense of freedom, I suppose, and at our age, maybe it's about time we get out, right? So we started thinking, started planning...and found ourselves (plus her boyfriend Jordan, nice kid, strange, but like I said, nice), sending in applications to work at Xanterra Parks & Resorts in Yellowstone. And crazy enough, we all get in, which is first, yay, and second, YAY, and third...
I'm babbling, aren't I?
Anyway, cut the story short, just over a week ago, we set out from our 'home base' of Minnesota, and camped in the Badlands, the Black Hills, and just outside of Yellowstone before arriving for orientation and training on the 10th. Things are simple enough, we're all in the same dorm, Jo and I share the same room, and we're making friends everywhere we go, and when I get my first day off tomorrow, I just might (MIGHT) do a little hiking. Not sure where I'll go, but I'm going, and, oops, going to take my FIRST picture from this entire trip.
Lame, yeah, but I'm so not interested in pictures of monuments and memorials and really, the Badlands aren't all that cool, okay? Been there, done that...I do regret no pictures in the Black Hills, but I'm sure I'll be back another time.
As to the actual work I'm doing, let me tell ya...not all it's cracked up to be. We have burns and pains and broken glass, and ooh, pretty, but ouch, cuz I need to get a bright turquoise bandaid. I'm a bit clumsy, but working on it, and doing okay, getting more common sense, but sometimes, it's hard to stay sane doing the same thing for eight hours, so I try to alleviate my boredom in certain ways...
Ahem...
Singing any song that comes into my head, for instance. The Beach Boys, Relient K, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Spice Girls, the Beatles, Aerosmith, Britney Spears, anything from Disney's The Princess & The Frog...okay, so clearly anything goes, right? And if I hear someone else singing something (rare, but it happens), that song will be stuck. Or if they say something that happens to be a line from a song, then that will be stuck. And sometimes it gets repetitive, and so I think to myself, when I'm done, I'll listen to something else on my computer and all will be awesome...only then I put on classical piano, and guess what? No words!! Duh...
Today I was particularly enchanted by the bubbles in the sink. Bubbles are awesome, one of my favorite things, and how can you not agree when there's a rainbow in EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE??? Cool, right? And so I scoop some into my hand, admire them a moment, and then...CLAP!! And bubbles everywhere. Most think I'm crazy, but the girls seem to understand. And today, also, we had a 'bubble incident' as well, but totally not my fault!! We use this white fusion detergent, and we ran out while I was on break, and some chucklehead said to use the purple fusion (which is really about the coolest shade of purple in the world, to be honest), but I noticed, after awhile when I came back that things were starting to...um...overflow? And I mean like whoa...bubbles ALL OVER...and how come I'm the only one to pay attention? Gee...but yeah, so we had a little fun with the bubbles, but then had to drain the machine, rinse it out, find the right detergent, and let it cycle a bit to make sure the bubbles went away, because our glassware was becoming a little spotty and not so pretty...haha...but lovely fun, anyway, and I was kind of glad for the excuse to put everything on hold for a bit.
Did I mention it's EIGHT HOURS of washing DISHES?
And yeah, okay, I know I'm rambling, but I feel it's okay, because you know what? It's been forever, and though none of you show it or say anything, I'm sure you've missed my randomness, so be thankful I started writing again, okay??
Alright...
Calm...
Deep breaths...
Tomorrow is my first day off, did I tell you? Oh yeah, I did...wow...
Need my rest, I think.
Another time then...
Love...

Another Monday...

But different.
Why?
No school!!!
No English, no History, no nothing...
Ah...
And yet...
I miss it already...
It's weird being home...
And contrary to popular belief, there is NOT more snack-food here than at school...
Sigh...
With the exception of a few cookies for Dad, Mom's kind of been on a healthy kick for the last how long? and so there's not much that can appease my sweet tooth and other cravings...though amazing, there is ice cream, so perhaps...huh...
It's also kind of chilly here, and it tweaks me out, cuz, hello, what month is it? May? Right, just checking...but it was snowing in Billings when I left, so perhaps it's better here, since it's only been raining. Though that drives me crazy, too, because it's a cold rain. I'm convinced the only place that has warm rain is Omaha. I could play in the rain all I want, and all I'd end up as is soaking wet. But come to the 'Great State of Minnesota' (gag me) and not only am I soaking wet, I'm FREEZING as well...gee, take the fun out of puddles, why don't ya?
But wait a minute, wait a minute...
I'm twenty-two, going on twenty-three...
Girls my age...
Wait...
Women my age do not jump in puddles.
Well, damn.
Ah, the joys of growing up, haha...

So clearly I made it home in one piece...though I swear I was hallucinating that last hour...and then I found the perfect song to keep me awake.
I been around the world in the pouring rain
Feeling outta place n feeling strange
Take me to a place where they know my name
Where EVERYONE knows my name...
And yeah, the bouncing beat kept me going, and I took some video, but well, it may be used as evidence for wreckless driving, so I'm afraid I can't publish it, but simply imagine my crazy bouncy dancing...inside a car...behind the wheel...and remind yourself to never let me drive with your kids in the backseat!! Haha...
Despite that, though, I found myself pulling up the drive around two am, and I've spent the last few days unpacking, doing laundry, and making sure my friends know I'm home...
And apparently I have a lot more friends than I thought, because quite literally everyone wants to see me...yay? But not so much as well, because the time is so short, and how am I going to fit it all in without going crazy or bankrupt or...but, well, wait just a minute. And realize that you'll be waiting an extra two weeks before you go off to your summer job in Yellowstone...
(How is it, being an English major, I can let myself get away with person change? Keep it first, keep it second, keep it third, but don't mix and match!!)
But anyway, there is time, more than I thought, so I'm going to make it all work, and I will strive to keep my sanity throughout...
...
And pray that the nightmares are only this bad because I'm in a 'new place' and that will fade within the week back to the regular run-of-the-mill nightmares I've grown to love, haha...

So, it's Monday, and I'm excited and tired and wondering what to do...
Any ideas for a starting point?

Lookie lookie!!

My friend wrote me a poem!!!
It's kind of epic, I think...
But, hey, Tansy, if you want to see a photo, get your butt on Facebook and check out my 'artistic' file!!
Lol though she described it quite nicely, I thought...

Anyway...
So I'd like to say "If you're in the area tonight..."
Only none of you are!!
Geez...
But, well...
Tonight I'm performing in a short skit called "Children in Their Own Write," which takes letters and interview from Bill Adler, Art Linkletter, Shari Lewis, etc, and we put them into a fun little format, and I'm the only female of the group, and it should be really fun and goofy...
And I'm kind of nervous.
I mean, the last time I did something like this was in seventh grade?
Ancient history, my friend...
But, well, I'm sure it'll be great, and I'm really glad for the opportunity, glad that my friend asked for help (it's part of his senior project), and I'm glad it's tonight, because I can't wait for it to be over...haha...

Also, um...
I want to come back to school next fall.
But, um...
I really suck.
I tried...
And I failed...
And I tried to unfail...
And, um, not so good...
I really thought I was okay...
But I really suck...
Forgive me, friends and family, for not living up to expectations...
Just cuz I'm smart doesn't mean I'm not stupid...
I really want to come back...
But, well, I've got this summer job thing, so I could save that for tuition, and I can get a loan probably, so...yeah...we'll see, right? We'll see...

Anyway, happy Saturday, and hope you're all having a great day!!
Love ya...

The view from my window...

Is, okay, not the greatest...
That is to say, it's been dreary all day, not a lick of sunshine, and I haven't seen the football team for at least a week...sadness!! Haha...
But seriously...
I was up until...whenever it was...the other day...and I was writing something (probably not the paper I was supposed to be working on), and I happened to glance toward the window...
And made a frantic search for my camera while trying not to wake up my roommate next door...

God's kind of awesome, isn't he?

Hope you're all enjoying life...
Lord knows I'm trying...

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

So I had this idea to list all the things I'd do over if I had the chance...
But then it occurred to me...
A) It might be a tad melancholy, and what was my last post? Variety is needed, please!
B) It's kind of dumb to dwell on the past, since even if I want a do-over, I obviously can't, right?
So instead, I'm taking the word of a lovely woman I've never met, and going to figure out what I want to do in the future...
Ahem.
(And since I kind of like the organization of lists...)
In no particular order...
1. I would like to write to my grandma Hazel more often, as well as my Aunt Myra, my brother Jay, and my friend Beau. Even if they don't write back.
2. My writing needs improving, not just for fiction fun, but for real reports (hmm, nice alliteration maybe? haha), and so I want to perfect my skills, and maybe rewrite everything...well, not necessarily everything, of course, I'm not setting impossible goals. Just see if there are some select pieces that I feel I can improve, and share with the world (or whoever's listening at the moment).
3. I'm giving up Oreos. Wow, I know. I just finished a package a minute ago, and it's occurred to me how much money I'd have if I never bought them...it also makes me wonder just how many Oreos I've had in my lifetime...can I count that high?
4. On the subject of money, I think, at least while here in Montana, I should start buying 2% milk instead of whole, because unlike at home, it's about a dollar more expensive. And just because I'm picky. Tsk, tsk...
5. I'm going to study math like hard-core this summer so I can test out of it for next term. This is an absolute must!!
6. I'm going to slowly change out my wardrobe. I have a lot of juvenile dumb things, and there's a certain image I'd like to portray, and I can't quite pull it off when I look like a twelve-year-old. Not to say there won't still be the crazy Emma we all know and love...I've been practicing different hairstyles =] but otherwise, I'm going to be setting aside money for maybe one or two new pieces a month.
7. No matter whether it's a lightning bolt of just a subtle interest, I'm going to find a church in Billings and go to it every week. And this summer when I've got that job in Yellowstone, I'm going to go to church as well, even if I have to go Catholic. I need someone smarter than me teaching me this stuff...
8. I'm going to start running again. I've done it a little bit this semester, but nothing hardcore, and I need to feel like I'm getting in shape. Plus, it's a great time to gather my thoughts, and I can have pretty good conversations with God while I'm at it, also.
9. Speaking of God, I really want to study what kind of woman he wants me to be, like in Proverbs, or like the Mary's of the New Testament (mother of Jesus, Martha's sister, Magdalene), or Ruth and Esther, two of my favorites. I kind of have this feeling, the closer I get to the 'ideal' the closer I'll get to God, and the better I'll be for the one He's got for me.
10. I've been writing a song for piano, and I'd really like to get that finished. I don't know how much time over the summer I'll have to play, or if there's even a piano at my disposal, but I really want to finish something I've started, and this is a project I can see an end to.
11. I'd also like to get better at the bass guitar...but I'll put that on hold since I brought it with me to school and only found time to play it once...
So maybe I should have stopped at ten?
There are other things, but there's nothing wrong with starting small, isn't it?
Small or large, though, it's time to break out of this slump...
Don't wish me luck, just pray, okay?

Loser Gone Wild
...but in evening when the sun goes down
Crawl from the shadows gotta get into town
Where the music is playing all across the night
And every cloud disappears from sight...

Intro in the Middle

Hello, my name is Emma, I'm probably not as old as my profile says I am (if it says at all), and I'm a college student. I live in a suite-style dorm, so I get my own room, and I definitely need it, because I am a M-E-S-S. Laundry and dishes are surprisingly calming...but I rarely have time to calm down, so they don't get done. I listen to all sorts of music, and I sometimes wonder where it all came from, but I just keep rockin' through, whether it's funk, pop, trance, classic rock, piano or electric guitar. I'm learning how to knit and am making a scarf for one of my best friends (even though it's getting warmer), and I've decided knitting is a very logical activity. This goes there and does that and if you mess this up you can always fix it with that. I've been wearing a lot of dresses and skirts lately, mostly due to the warm weather, though my usual 'uniform' is jeans and a t-shirt. I'm supposed to be on a budget, but the other day I cheated and bought some cookies, because I've got serious cravings for sugar like all the time. I write for the school newspaper but not always very well; in fact the next issue is sure to be severely lacking, and that makes me sad, but I can't find the time to make it awesome, what with classes ending in a mere two weeks. I draw, mostly video game characters, because if I try to do something off the top of my head, it's flat and boring. My car, a beat-up Blazer I call Sylvie, is probably on her last legs, and I plan on driving over three thousand miles this summer, so I'm thinking I should get a tune-up or something before I do. I have two 8x10 pictures of my ex-boyfriends for comparisons and so I can psychoanalyze my choices, but I tend to forget they exist and just leave them in the folder they came in, making me wonder why I bothered in the first place. I love the color red but will surprisingly be found to wear a lot more black or blue, perhaps because those fade into the background easier. Despite the urge to fade, I will be found wearing clothes that reveal one or both of my tattoos in the hopes that someone will stop me and ask about them. Even though I'm not superstitious, I practice like I am, and will follow patterns said to make things work out. I don't step on cracks, and if I do, it's an accident, and you'll see me wince every time. I have big dreams, out-of-this-world goals, and I don't see them ever being accomplished because I'm more lazy than anything else. Drinking tea keeps me sane while at the same time reminding me of home, so I get melancholy. I'm allergic to amoxicillin, which makes me wonder what would happen if I took penicillin. I'm nearly blind without my glasses, and my eyes get worse as I age; I figure I'll be blind by the time I'm thirty. But that's okay, because I've discovered I can play almost anything on the piano with my eyes shut, and I've got a good ear for mistakes. I don't go to church, not because I don't believe, but because I can't find one I like. Sometimes I will listen to sermons from home online, but I don't think of it too often. I've been told I should try out for the school plays, but I'm not sure I'll have time next year, however it's an intriguing idea, and since it was the theatre teacher that told me so, I'm thinking I may have a shot. I like to write short stories, and longer ones without endings, and I used to think that you just sent in your manuscript and someone would buy it, but apparently you have to pay for the production yourself; therefore I will never be published, at least nowhere but on the great wide world we call the internet. And the school paper, I suppose I can't forget that. My big thing right now is to be 'a man of my word,' which is harder than it sounds. I'm practically incapable, mostly because the truth is embarrassing, and so I'd rather not say anything...but a lie of omission is still a lie, isn't it? On that subject, the real reason I decided to go back to school is because I want to get married. I don't want an education. I don't want a degree. I don't want a career. I want a family. And when I prayed about it, God told me he was here in Montana, so here I am. It's nice that God talks to me, but sometimes I wish that He would be a little clearer, and help me figure out how to do things without going through all these hoops. It's funny, though, because I have a feeling that I won't be here for very long, so I wonder what I was thinking going along with it in the first place...only when God says go, you're supposed to go, right? I'm struggling with a lot of things right now, and I'm very grateful that the semester is almost over so I can go home. And I'm also grateful for the summer job I have with two of my very good friends out at a resort in Yellowstone. I know it's going to be a wonderful experience, and hopefully I can save my money and pay for some of my schooling myself. And I pray that I can find a job next semester as well, so I can pay back my Mom for the school-books she paid for this time around, as well as the food and gas it took to get out here, and my insurance...yikes. And also to pay back my grandparents, since I really do need their help, but I'm not worthy, so it's more like I'll be asking for a loan, because I'm not good enough to just get a free ride. I don't know what I'll live off of next semester if I do that, but I'm sure I'll survive, and even as skinny as I am, I can still lose ten pounds that I've gained this time around, so it'll be okay I think...I hope. And I think, considering the mess that is my room and my life and such, that I'm going to just throw everything I own out the window...that is to say, I'm getting rid of everything but clothes, my laptop and school books. I can't do anything else, and I don't need it either.
Hmmm...
This isn't quite the tone I was going for.
I apologize for spilling it all out on you.
I would keep it to my diary, only I need to fool myself into believing that someone else is listening.
Thank you for that.

Enjoy life...

What I am...

"You're eccentric, not insane. You'd have to be normal to be insane."

Thank you, Michael...
(For the record, that sounds like a compliment and an insult in one!)

What I am, actually, is flattered...
I was proposed to tonight.
Now don't freak out, it wasn't for real.
(Or I don't think so.)
And I'm not even sure how we got on the conversation.
All of a sudden, JM turns to me and asks, "Emma, would you do my the honor of becoming my beloved wife?"
Wow...
Laughter...
Pause...
Then "What do you believe?"
Pause on his part, as well as his friends, before "That's a very deep question."
"Well, you're looking to get into a very deep relationship."
"Good point..."
Funny, but he actually expected a serious answer from me, despite the joking atmosphere. And after a few questions, to which he gave the surprisingly correct answers to, I did decline, saying that we'd have to go on a few dates before he got to that point. More in his favor, his took the rejection honorably, and even helped me to stand from out sitting area on the floor, and took his friends' teasing quite well I thought...
Alas, he's younger, and a video-gamer, and just not my type...
But it was flattering, as I said.
And he's so adorable...
I'm gonna love teasing him this week... =]

Life is fun, sometimes...I can't wait to see what it brings me next...

Neighbors should treat each other nice...

So I have a friend that started a blog recently, and it's more like she writes story bits and stuff, but anyway, she's convinced that no one but me is reading what she has to say!! I told her that couldn't possibly be true and that there's probably some weird guy that discovered her via this great thing called internet, and that he's probably told all his weird friends...and the cycle goes on. However, she would feel much more confident if she knew there were some sane (or at least not that kind of weird, haha) people reading it as well, so I told her I'd tell all of you...
And she thanks you very much for your support. =]
If you say so, I'm not a girl...
She's actually kinda cool, I wanna steal her ideas haha, and she reminds me of...me.
That is to say, she also likes butterflies, and uses the word 'whatever' way too much.
(though I think I've been better on that lately, don't you?)
Anyway, give her a read, give her a shout, and she'll probably thank me by buying me ice cream or something...

Enjoy life... =]

Sweet Dreams...

So I was extraordinarily tired yesterday...
Why?
Because I got up with the alarm...
And stayed up.
Doesn't happen these days, no clue why, I'm just a bad kid, I guess...
ANYWAY...
So I noticed then, that every time I stopped focusing, I'd find myself almost falling off my chair.
Not good, right?
Especially in the middle of the dining room...
So I got back to my room after dinner, then, and I was trying to work on my homework, and even to catch up on some internet stuff, but it just wasn't working; my interest was such that I felt myself fading in and out, and though I've fallen asleep in my desk chair before, it's not a comfortable experience!! So I really wasn't looking forward to a repeat...and instead I decided to take my friends' advice and just get some sleep. I figured a small nap or something, considering it's only 6:30, so I stripped off my shirt and climbed under the covers and sank...
Quite lovely, really.
And then, the next time I open my eyes, it's light out.
Did I sleep for an hour?
Twenty minutes?
Not at all...
I slept for twelve hours...
Oh joy...
There goes my homework plans, huh?
But I feel refreshed, and I'm hoping today's going to be an awesome day...

My sister, the Genius...

So you may or may not know, my sister Jessie does a lot of digital scrap-booking (you can see her stuff here) and I was thinking I love it, but also thinking I'm too lazy and untalented to do it myself, so I asked, sent a few ideas, and voila...

This is so totally me!! Haha, I knew it was a good one to send...
And also, we have...

Ah, the joy of the masquerade ball...(and yes, I had a mask, but I wasn't wearing it at this point!)...

Jessie, you rock my world, I love you, thank you so much!!!

I lied...

Even if you don't like my work, I'm going to keep writing...
We clear on that?
Good...

So...
Here's my take on a classic, haha...

A boy and a girl sat down for lunch. They were friends, but no more than that; they'd known each other since they were in kindergarten, and had a very easy rapport with one another. Today, however, the girl was suspiciously silent, and finally the boy had to ask what was wrong. The girl only smiled and shook her head. He couldn't fix her problem, she told him. Why not? he demanded...
He took her words as a challenge, and pushed his lunch aside to focus on her. He was up for anything, he boasted, and could fix her problem in a flash. Though doubtful, she nodded and began to explain. She'd fallen in love with an old friend, but didn't know how to broach the subject with him. Well, that's easy, he scoffed, and began listing ideas she could use, but she shook her head...
The problem was, she said, that she knew for sure he didn't feel the same way, so it was better if she just let her feelings take a backseat to their friendship. The boy grew angry and scowled. He would show that dumb guy, he said. How stupid could he be not to love her? You don't love me, she pointed out with a small smile, and he frowned. Of course I do, he said...
Did she really think he'd eat lunch with her every day if he didn't? She laughed and shook her head in disbelief, but couldn't help her response. I love you too. Right, he nodded, so if you can tell me, why can't you tell him? Her smile grew more pronounced and she replied, I just did...

Now that, I admit is not quite original.
But it's well-written either way, and if I can do that on the fly, then the stuff I really try for is all the better, right?
So please, support me...
And if you're nice, I might even dedicate something to you!! =]

Love you all, hope life's treating you right...

Am I unoriginal?

Please tell me that up-front.
If it turns out to be true...
I'll stop writing.
No more stories...
No more poems...
No more lyrics...
No more songs...
I'll just quit right here and now.
I don't want to burden you with my 'unoriginal' thoughts...

Brownies in the Mail...

Everyone loves to get mail...
And I'm a strange one that even likes junk mail or bills...
Because it shows someone cares enough to put my name on an envelope!! =]
But it's really awesome, when you open a package...
And there's CHOCOLATE...
Definitely worth leaving the room for that, haha...

So...
What's going on here?
Um...

It's crunch time, I guess...
There's one month left of school...
And Mom said if I don't do well, I'm not coming back...
(I beg to differ, Mom!! Not gonna stay home even if you make me!!)
So there are papers to write...
Projects to wrap up...
Priorities to rearrange...
Sigh...
And lots of headaches, of course.

But as long as I get breakfast, I'm usually okay... =]

In other news...
If you're bored...
If you have time...
If you feel like something new...
A few suggestions...

"Piano no Mori"
(Literally 'Piano of the Forest' or 'Forest Piano')
It's full of classical music, which is rockin' awesome, and it's in Japanese, which is ALSO awesome...rather switched on, actually. And the story-line is decent, it's not crude, rude or unacceptable, it's not even a romantic plot-line, just a story about two friends playing piano, and how they approach it. If I was a critic, I'd give it five out of five stars, and even the lame scenes just aren't that lame...so look it up, on YouTube or wherever, or maybe even just splurge and buy the thing!! Oh, and you can read the manga version on MangaFox as well, if you so desire.

Mario Paint Composer
It's Mario. It's music. What more do you need? And okay, so it's not like you can make a masterpiece off the bat, it's actually a little bit difficult, but it's fun, it's awesome, and, well, if you find yourself wanting to give up...go ahead. Some of us are composers, some of us are just a kid sitting in the back row of the audience...but make sure you look it up on YouTube so you can see how awesome it can be.

Fritz Lang's Metropolis
So in this world of fast-action flicks and out-of-this-world special effects, sometimes it's nice to sit back and watch a classic. And considering it was made before even my grandparents were born, 'classic' is the word we're looking for. It's German Expressionism to the max, and while sets might be cheesy and acting is sub-par, it's a great look at how film-making began, and it's a pretty cool view of what society could be.

Mafia Wars
Okay, I know, why waste my time? But it's actually highly addictive, and I kind of like the feel of being 'Don'. Money rolls in, you've got an entire 'Family' at your disposal, and if you get hurt, well, it only takes a click of a mouse for the doctor to make a personal visit and you're back on your feet. Plus, it's simple, and doesn't take too much effort to do well, so you really can't lose, and hey, winning is good, right? Of course, I know for some, even a click of a mouse is too much effort...but if you still want your mafia fix, try these awesome flicks: The Godfather, Mickey Blue Eyes, Oscar, Goodfellas, My Cousin Vinny, The Untouchables...and there's more where that came from.

That's all I got for now, the sun in shining through my window, which I think means I need to start getting ready for the day, so I'll sign off...
Hope all's well with the rest of you!!

<3>

Oreos, Headaches, and Lord of the Rings...

So it's been a bit...
Did you miss me?
Ah, of course you did!!

My mother worries about my diet, as right she should. Though, true, I have a mealplan, and I get there almost all ten times a week, I also have a habit of snacking...and the snack of choice? You guessed it: Oreos. Ah...it may be milk's favorite cookie, but I saw it first!! And five boxes later I'm still not sick of it...though having gotten to the point I can eat half a package in one sitting, I've decided to tone it down and eat only half a row instead. Yes, Emma is learning a bit of self-control...
(And for those who think that buying that many boxes in the first place disproves that, let me inform you that I bought them a few months ago and just forgot about them until now!)
Yesterday, my diet took an interesting turn when after finishing my quota of Oreos, I had a children's vitamin and an apple...so I'm going healthy in reverse? Huh...

The things that are giving me a headache at this time...well...
History class. I love it and I hate it. There's so much reading!! And it's interesting and fascinating and I just want to burn my textbooks...a fine line between love and hate...but I'm keeping with it, and I've already registered for two more history courses next semester, so look out, here I come...can't hold me back!!
English also gives headaches. I have a paper that just won't do what it's supposed to. Which is, of course, come together in such a brilliant way that the teacher can't help but give me an A+++. (Yes, that grade DOES exist!!) But I'm struggling, and it's hard to focus when I can't get it right off the bat...ah well...
The kids at my lunch table are a bit...well...I like one of them? And I want to break off completely from the rest of them. Except I don't want to be lonely either. So I continue to sit. And to be amazed at how such smart kids can be so dumb. And I hate it...but no one else will talk to me and I don't know why.
Finding a parking spot is also stressful. I haven't left the dorm since I got back from Colorado because I had a spot right up front, and I knew I'd lose it if I left. So things I needed to do, like go to the bank, buy tampons, anything that I don't want a crowd for, didn't get done. Until this afternoon...where I got lost. And spent more time than I wanted. But then find, to my surprise, my up-front and personal parking space is still empty upon my return. Worry wasted...
Another worry I find myself carrying: my brother and sister do not answer their phones...and though I might talk on Facebook to them, it's not the same. And maybe it's only been a few days...but I need contact with family. Mom and Katey are good fun, and Maggie can carry a conversation for a bit...but I want the funky not-so-intelligent but still smarter than me focus I get from Jessie, Eric, Ellen...though I see Elle is busy with her new horse, and she did call back, if only for a short chat. I'm lonely maybe? And I don't know where to find good people...
Knitting is both a joy and a torture. I'm big on crocheting things. I've made scarves and blankets...and I decided I wanted to finally learn to knit...and the progress goes so much slower...I don't see results. I'm just impatient. Instant results, that's why I bought the pills!! Haha, but seriously, I'm glad that I'm learning it, I just wish I could focus better...another one of those not-quite-coming-together things.
I suppose the biggest thing that causes headaches, though, is just a simple like of hydration. I feel like a slob...I haven't done dishes, so I have no cups to drink from, and I only drink a single glass of whatever I choose that day at lunch and supper. I haven't taken a shower, only washed my hair twice, in the last week, and that's a big loss of H2O. And forget the 'ultra moisture' body lotion that makes my skin so pretty, I'm lucky if I remember to brush my hair...what's wrong with me? Disgusting...and I don't care either. I'm actually kind of happy this way.
And I'm starting to enjoy the headaches...
God...
Sorry, I meant that in a blasphemous way, haha...

I think...
I'm losing focus here too.
I don't care right now.
So if you really want to know what Lord of the Rings has to do with anything, just ask me later, okay?

Hope your lives are a bit saner than mine appears to be...

I didn't watch the Academy Awards...

First, who really cares?
Second, who has time?

While the show was on, I was running out of gas on the side of the road trying to get back to school...thank God for friends, because otherwise it's at least eight hours to anyone that would be willing to help me...but it was an adventure, and I actually had a blast, singing to myself, reading my history book...and I got to ride in the back of a cute sheriff's SUV when he offered to get me enough gas to at least get into town...so awesome!! People are so nice to me...maybe I'm cuter than we thought, huh? Haha, but seriously, it was pretty great, and my friend Matt drove forty miles from school just to fill me up--did I mention I was broke? Aw, so bad with finances!! But still, I had a good time last night, and if I got back to my home-away-from-home two hours later than planned, so what?

About the Academy Awards, though...
As I said, I didn't watch them, and probably wouldn't have thought twice about them...except when I sign out of my email all the news blurbs are about the Oscars, and I see Sandra Bullock, who is one of my favorite actresses ever, so I'm looking through pictures...
And I realize every guy looks the same. There is no such thing as a fashion flub for guys.
Suit, tie...easy, but kind of boring.
And then I saw this...

Blue bow-tie, sunglasses, and tennis shoes...
Thank you Robert Downey Jr!!
And I suppose your wife looks very pretty too...

(*cough*)

Samuel L Jackson was a bit different too, wearing a beret, and I was glad to see the variety...
But it makes me wonder...
Are Hollywood men really all the same??

Guess I better stop dreaming about them, then...

Did you watch the awards?

Isn't she lovely...

So I'm down in Denver, Arvada, specifically (love suburbs!! =]) and life is...fun?

Okay, truth...
I'm kind of slacking...
I'm not going sight-seeing...
I'm not socializing...
I'm not doing any homework other than reading the materials...
But that's just during the day.

I arrived Sunday morning --nothin like 95 down the highway-- and went to church with Amanda and met some friends, met her granny, took a nap...then we were off to the Grizzly Rose, a country bar in town, and we went line-dancing, which was awesome...
But come Monday, Amanda has a nine-five job. Well, sort of, I think it's more like 4 than 5...but anyway...
So I sleep in. And listen to music. Write some more in a story I'm working on. Did I watch a movie? Hmmm...but then Amanda's home and we're off to Aunt Ruth's for dinner, which was great, only, what is it with these people and skim milk??
But unimportant, forget that...
Tuesday...
Sleep in a little less...listen to music...read comics...write some more for story...chat a little with granny --Harriet-- and eat some food. Cheerios is breakfast of choice here? Okay. Then Amanda's home, and awesome, she has another job lined up for when she resigns the end of the month. To celebrate? Well, I have plans with cousins...you wanna come with? Of course she does...and we go, great time, and then, what? A horror movie? Me? For real?
(I've never seen one in theaters before and tend to walk out of the room at home!)

But Daybreakers was actually quite awesome...though there was that one scene...
Blah
Ouch
Splash/Splat
Good times, and what's this? No nightmares...huh...

Wednesday...
Sleep in even less...music...comics...story...day-time television...Robert Pattinson's English accent just gets easier and easier haha...or was that on Tuesday? Days kind of blur...and what's this I hear? Bible study is canceled tonight so plans I thought we had are no more...but wait. Game night? I'm up for it. Good food, good times...and what was that game called? I lost so I guess it doesn't matter...
Thursday...
The adventure begins...up early. Only a few moments to myself before I'm off. Shopping. An hour in Best Buy at least before I finally decide I don't want a single person more to ask if I'm okay, so I bought a History Channel presentation on vampires and my first ever horror flick of my own...but the cover is pink, and the language is Japanese, so I think I might be safe. Maybe...more shopping then. WalMart only sells cute dresses to plus sizes. Skinny girls don't get cute, they get skanky. Why am I so skinny? How many people want to be fat? Strange...driving down the road, no idea where I'm going...and I found a Kohl's. Victory!! And after ten dresses in the changing room, I'm down to two...and I go for pink. And paid less than fifty percent for it. Then I get lost again...but I found the library. And a lovely lady gave me maps and told me where I could find a park...so I'm off...in the wrong direction. And instead I find an art gallery, and two-plus hours and several sketches later I call Amanda for directions back home. Where I'm only there a short time before we're off to Grandma Judy's for dinner, we watch The Jetsons Movie and then back to Aunt Ruth's where we're dog-sitting for RIP April's sister...and somehow, being able to fit in one bed as averse to bed and floor, we stay up and it's actually like a girls' night sleepover thing...

Which was dimmed when we learned a friend of a friend had committed suicide.
Lord bless that boy's family, and give them peace...
But even if he gave up, life still goes on for me...

So it's Friday.
And I have no plans except to do laundry and take the dogs for a walk.
And though spring break hasn't been the most exciting...
I think I like it like this...
But maybe I'm crazy...


Crazier, by Taylor Swift

I've never gone with the wind
Just let it flow
Let it take me where it wants to go
Til' you opened the door
And there's so much more
I'd never seen it before
I was tryin' to fly but I couldn't find wings
But you came along and changed everything

You lift my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me Crazier Crazier Crazier

I watched from a distance as you
Made life your own
Every sky was your own kind of blue
And I wanted to know how that would feel
And you made it so real
You showed me something that I couldn't see
You opened my eyes and you made me believe

You lift my my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier

Ohhhh

Baby you showed me what livin' is for
I don't wanna hide anymore
Oh Ohh

You lift my feet off the ground
You take me away
You make me crazier crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier
Crazier
Crazier

Skippy Peanut Butter and other Essentials...

Wanna know a secret?
Promise not to tell?
We are standing by a wishing well...

I love Snow White...

So as of like half an hour ago, I have no more classes for a little over a week...
YAY SPRING BREAK!!!
I'm going to visit my awesome friend Amanda in the Denver area, and I'm so excited because it's been about two years since we've been face to face, and I miss her!!! Also, I get to visit my cousins Beth and Stephen and little Avery, and see my Uncle Brian and Aunt Kim...
(psst!! they're my favorites!! but don't tell anyone!!)
Ha, but seriously, I'm so excited, and yes, it will be a long drive--I'll be careful, Mom!!--but it will be awesome, and I love to drive, I really do. Plus, I have an excuse to make a bunch of mixed cds, and I'm stuck on Jet and Coldplay and Keane and Aqualung and Gary Jules...yeah, so lots to listen to, and it will be another adventure.
EVERYTHING is an adventure.
Otherwise it's just boring.
And life cannot be boring!! I refuse permission for boring-ness!!
Okay?
Okay.
ANYWAYS...
I have laundry and dishes to do, and a few papers due when I get back that I should at least get a rough draft done before I leave, and then work on the rest there. Oh! and I think I'm going to make bread to bring down, cuz there ain't nothin like cardamom bread, and I have to share it with the world!! Or just Amanda and her family haha. Also making a pretty thing in crocheting, gotta finish that up...
So much to do, so little time!!

I'm late
I'm late
For a very important date

Speaking of Alice in Wonderland...
Must dash!!

Hope you all have a great Friday!!

Mad World...

I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had

Do you know how hard it is to stay positive?
You don't, do you?
You think, wow, this girl is perky, excited, hyper and she must be just the happiest person in the world!!

Well...

The happiest person in the world cries herself to sleep...
Where the happiest person in the world is plagued by nightmares that grow steadily worse by the day...
So when the happiest person in the world wakes up, she's not sure if she should ever sleep again...
And then once she's fully awake and out of dreamland, the happiest person in the world is plagued with doubts about life, school, family...God...
Because the happiest person in the world is starting to crack.
Tears are coming during the day...
Smiles are starting to fade...
And the happiest person in the world just wants to give up...

But...

I have a reputation to uphold...

Bring on the cheerleader personality!!

(And maybe stash some chocolate around for when it gets rough)

YAY HOORAY!!!

So my lovely not-so-little younger sister has a blog...
And you should start reading it!!

http://ellenhorsecrazy.blogspot.com

Awesomeness...
In fact...
I shall write a poem to commemorate the occasion...

My baby sister
I really miss her
We don't get to talk that much
But now today
I say 'Hooray!'
With this we can almost touch

Haha, so lame...
But anyway, visit her blog, and I will get on her case about keeping up to date
(and keep up to date on my own, too!!)

Love you all...

Going through my head...

Aside from the words to Suemitsue & the Suemith's Sagitarrius...

Aoi namida no kazu hoshi no kazu
Musunda sora ni nowhere nowhere nowhere
Itsuka kiete yuku
Tsukamu hikari hitotsu hitotsu dake
Egaita yume wo somewhere somewhere somewhere
Nagamete iru

It's probably a little weird to sing songs you don't understand all the words...but I know at least half of them, and the rest I'm slowly learning...

I think maybe it's a bad idea to be a history major...
I'm so not good at writing papers and tend to bullshit my way through them. And I can't focus very well on what I'm reading, maybe because it's so much at one time, but I'm having issues.

I feel like my Bible study is full of non-believers...
So many things they argue over that seem to be not Biblical, and they're so adamant about them, and I want to call up Pastor Brian just to get his take on things, because I trust him, and everyone else seems a little bit out of whack.

I'm a guitar player, not a bass player...
I love my bass, and it's pretty awesome when I play, and I love to mimic bass lines from my favorite songs. But when it comes down to it, I'm a melody-player. And for that, I need a guitar.

I am not quite a style icon...
Yes, I can get people to look at me...but I think it's more in shock than awe. Bright pink pajama pants or a red dress, they only catch the eye, but I don't think they impress. Perhaps I should take a more subtle approach.

I am not cut out to live with someone else...
I'm too messy, I'm too chaotic, my schedule changes on a whim, and even if I'll do the dishes every time, I still think I need more stability, and I just can't get that at this point, and I don't see myself getting it ever.

I want to go home...
But if I give up now, no one will ever trust me again, and I so don't want to let anyone down...

That's the gist of what's 'going through my head'...

Top 10 & Counting...

So, a few weeks ago, a friend and I got into a little 'semi-argument' about cute guys and such, and I said I'd make a list of hot guys, and let our friends decide who had better taste...and what should have been a one-week project turned into nearly a month (Thanks, homework, for distracting me!!!) but it's finally here...

In no particular order...
My Hottie List...

Jim Caviezel
When I first laid eyes on this hunk, he was an awkward boyish Frenchman betrayed by his best friend...and even if the title's fake, who wouldn't fall for the Count he becomes? Then he takes on something as awe-inspiring as The Passion, and just blows my mind. If he can pull that off, he's a winner no matter what.

John Corbett
Many roles, but the one that captures my heart is that of Pastor Dan, in Raising Helen.
"I'm a sexy man of God, and I know it."
Yes, you are, John, yes you are!

Hugh Dancy
No, I don't approve of the way he played Prince Charmont in Ella Enchanted. But mostly because of the writers screwing up a good story...as for Hugh himself...so cute!! And then he's in another favorite book-to-movie, Blood & Chocolate, and same story...but he's awkward, funny, can ride horse and draw--or so Hollywood would have us believe--and I don't know if he's English or American, but he can do both and it fits either way...he is very sigh-worthy...

Johnny Depp
Do I even need a reason? Well, I'll give you one anyway...
There are so many things I could say about this man...
I first fell for him as Captain Jack..."Take what you can, give nothing back!"
But once I started watching his other films, I realized, the man is a genius in EVERY ROLE HE PLAYS!! Sweeney Todd...The Corpse Bride...Benny & Joon...no matter how far the list goes on, it all comes down to one thing: the man is a master!

Zac Efron
No, I didn't fall for him in High School Musical...because I didn't decide to see the trilogy until after I watched 17 Again seven days in a row. But he's just so cute!! I couldn't help myself...

Colin Firth
Now if you like awkward cute guys, here you are...but it was actually one of his 'less nervous' roles that got me hooked. Have you discovered the joy of six hours of Pride & Prejudice? A favorite book, and they actually hit it spot-on behind cameras...if it were a bad remake, would he still be on this list? Yes...because of Love Actually, Nanny McPhee, What A Girl Wants...should I go on?

Harrison Ford
Han Solo, Indiana Jones, the President of the United States...this man can do everything, and has, and I don't care how gray his hair gets; the man has charisma! Remember, not old, but distinguished!

Jonathan Frakes
Some of you may be unfamiliar with this charmer, but once you see him in action, you can't deny he's got it. Commander William Riker of the starship Enterprise...I would definitely join Starfleet for this man, even if I know he'll go for Troi in the end...


Cary Grant
Though I know better, half the time I can't tell whether this man is English or American...and that's part of his charm--which he has loads of, even while being an ass, as he is sometimes. But he still gets the girl? Now that's talent.

Hugh Grant
Another English 'Grant,' this one more awkward, and yet just as lovable. I have to ask myself why...because when I get down to it, he's not the most attractive man in the world. But that sweet persona he has just grabs my heart, and I can't help but fall...

Justin Hawkins of The Darkness
Okay, so yes, he's a bit awkward, gives off a very strange vibe, and have you seen his video for "I Believe in a Thing Called Love"? But regardless...that's like my favorite song. I love his voice. And guess what? He plays a Les Paul!! Application approved...

Sterling Knight
Unbeknownst to myself, the first time I saw this guy was on 17 Again...there are just so many good things in that movie!! But then I saw him again on Sunny with a Chance, and just recently on Starstruck...yes, he is a product of Disney. But I like his style, and he sings, too, so why not?

Hunter Parrish
Don't ask me why I like him. Just sit back. Take him in. And when you're ready, you can move on.

Matthew Perry
I'm not a big fan of Friends, but this guy is just so believable, in every role, and he's got an honest, straight-forward quality about him you can't help fall for. Plus, he turns into Zac Efron in 17 Again and that ain't not bad...

Brad Pitt
What is there to like about this man? Other than that he is Brad Pitt, of course...well, other than his looks, I'd have to say the moment I became a hardcore BP fan was in Mr & Mrs Smith, when he couldn't pull the trigger...love conquers all, doesn't it? Another favorite role is the infamous Joe Black...if the man can make Death look that good, then he definitely deserves a spot on my favorites...

Andrew Lee Potts
I've only seen this cutie in one thing, but his role as Hatter in SyFy's Alice --yes, it's 'Alice in Wonderland' remade-- had such an effect on me I started writing my own remake. He's awkward, clever, shabbily dressed and just plain adorable...I don't think I've ever liked the 'Mad Hatter' more...

Matthew Thiessen of Relient K
Front and center, there he is, with his fellow bandmates...but what about this lead singer captured my heart?
"Sadie Hawkins Dance, in my khaki pants, there's nothing better...oh oh oh!"
Who could resist those high notes? And trust me, he hits those notes just as well live as in the studio.


The following are not quite on my list, but the pictures were so that I couldn't just leave them off without giving them a shout-out...
So here are the 'honorable mentions'...

A young Clint Eastwood...can you say WOW??

Ah, Patrick Dempsey...and in Japan, no less, for one of my favorite movies...

Jude Law & Jack Black...good and bad roles between them, but when you watch The Holiday how can you not fall in love?

Now don't make fun, just because I have a Twilight character here...you'll notice that Mr Lautner did not make the 'official list,' and I didn't even pick one of the many topless pictures I found...(but I still love you, Taylor!!)

I never would have thought James Marsden could do comedy so well...but his princely role is just too funny...and too sweet!

Group shot!!!
Okay, so it's all the 17 Again cast members I mentioned beforehand, but now all together...
Move over, girls and make room for me!!

And that's all for today, folks, but don't worry, there will be more. In fact, next week, I think I'll put up a list of all the female hotties I'm crushing on...

JUST KIDDING!!

Hope you're all having a great week!!

Sisters on Vacation...

So I was going through some family pictures, and I came across this lovely picture...

Aw, Christmas in Florida...
But wait, Jessie just posted THIS picture for this last Christmas...

See any similarities??
Sometimes I think we never really change, we just get taller...
(And finally let Hildi up there with us!)
Funny, don't you think?

Porcelain

...are you wasting away in your skin?
are you missing the love of your kin?
drifting and floating and fading away...

So that's sort of the mood right now...
But it goes up and down, so it's never for long...

So you may know I'm not all that big on pictures, but I felt I had to have illustrations to elaborate this post, so here we go...

"Things I've Found At College"
(what this post SHOULD have been named lol)


I can still clash my colors on a daily basis...

I am too lazy to get any other color out of my box of nail polish, so I'm stuck with this shade of red...

I have far too many papers and books on my floor and it's only the end of week two!



My television is just taking up space...and I cannot survive without my tea...
Closet doors really do work as towel hangers...

I have a calendar with nothing of interest to put on it...

I ate my last piece of chocolate...which had been in my stocking at Christmas.

Apparently you can only get real, healthy soda for a limited time before going back to the delicious unhealthiness that is high fructose corn syrup...


Peanut butter is a must-have food for the lazy, on-the-go college student...


And finally, whether you believe it or not, mirrors do not lie...
I AM the Fairest of them all...
So I guess all the rest doesn't matter, huh?

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend, and that you have a great next week!!