I forgot that I had a blog.
Shame on me?
What can I say...sorry, I guess, though I doubt you missed me, because I'm hard to understand, and even give myself a headache at times, so...yeah...
So what to say, then?
Start from now and go backwards, or start from summer and go forwards? What's freshest? Well, that's an easy question...what's easiest to write about, though? That's where things get...interesting...ahaha...
On my desk is the book Sunshine, by one Robin McKinley, author of such great stories as Spindle's End and Beauty and Deerskin, and I greatly look forward to the time when I have enough money to buy her newest volume, Pegasus --or perhaps I'll just wait until it's in paperback, so I'll get it cheaper. I digress...the point is Sunshine. An epic story of love and mystery and Death by Chocolate and what, in my opinion, the Twilight Saga could only dream of being. I've got a thing for vampires, you know? However, like the title character, I also have a thing for 'sunshine,' which, unfortunately, I am lacking in.
Point one: I moved back into the dorms, the upper-classmen dorms, known as 'Rimview,' and it's all lovely, and my roommates are great, and I just like being here. And everything fits into my room, from the piano and three guitars (four if you count the bass) to the Christmas tree and my forty-plus dresses. Great, and lovely, and surprisingly uncramped...though I tend to hit my head on the ceiling if I'm not careful, but that's neither here nor there. No, the only problem is in looking out my window, I have a great view of the courtyard, whether it be green and bright or snowy and dark, and I can see everything that's happening within the dorm, if I choose to do so...and I can see the sunshine that, due to my poor choice of rooms, does not even touch my window, no matter the time of day. Perfection...
Point two: while it's been surprisingly warm weather this fall, I still have had the heater on in my own room since early October. I'm sure my roommates are grateful that it's a small personal one, and that I'm not turning up the heat in the entire unit. As I told my friends the other day, I am a northern girl with southern sensibilities; i.e., I get cold unless it's eighty degrees out. And, since the sunlight doesn't reach my room, I'm even colder, having no outside source to absorb.
Point three: I repeat, the weather has been surprisingly warm this fall. But just this last Thursday, winter descended upon us, and it's snowing...and snowing...and snowing...and even when it stops, I haven't seen hair nor hide of the sun in days. I hope my next living space has at the very least a better window set-up.
Sunshine, I love you, and I'll be back for you someday, so please don't forget me!!
I've been feeling lonely the last...however long it's been. I spent the whole summer away from home, though with Johanna and Jordan, who I consider extended family, so it was nice, and though I'm rather asocial most of the time, we still had good times together.
And then, the summer was over, and I went home...for only two, maybe three days? And then it's back to school, and I was looking forward to winter break, going home, recharging from lack of family...I'm like Nodame without Chiaki...give me at least a shirt that smells like you, please!! But, well, money is tight, winter weather is rough on driving, and though a flight would give me extra time --five hours travel-time versus sixteen-- it would also double the cost, and a train would only make the road issues disappear, and so...I'm not going home. And I realize, then, that if you think about it, it's been almost a year since I've been at home. I was there for a month after spring semester, true, and there are those three days between summer and fall semester, but I was almost a guest in my own house. Heck, that month I was home, I didn't even really have a room to myself, having Eli's stuff in there, and then I'd sleep more often in MJ's bed with her instead...trying to do that 'recharging' I mentioned. And it's the same for those three days. It's been understood in my mind that I really have moved out, even if it's only to the dorms, and that home will never be home again...which makes me feel homeless.
So I'm lonely.
Haha.
Who'd have thunk?
And yes, I've got friends here, and I have graciously accepted invitations to Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations where I know I'll feel the outsider, but it's better than being alone, isn't it? I'm really trying to lessen my alone time, because I sink into these funks and don't do a thing...bad, bad, bad...
The school counselor thinks, if I don't improve, I should get some meds...which makes me really want to laugh, because, heck, I'm the bouncy, annoying, cheerful, and ditzy cheerleader, aren't I? People tell me to be calm, and try to mellow out, and it just doesn't work, and if I try, then I'm depressed, so I just go back to bouncy...and the bouncy girl needs antidepressants, yay...haha, seriously, though, what's wrong with this picture?
God, it's hard being here...and so I'm going to ask if you'll all contribute something to my Christmas tree, whether it be a candy cane to decorate or a present to sit beneath, so then I'll have some physical knowledge that I'm not alone...is that wrong to ask?
I sound pathetic, I'm sure, but I laugh as I'm writing, so I figure I'll be okay; I just thought I should be honest, because not talking about it makes it worse, according to me, and according to the counselor, and according to the academic advisor, and according to the history and piano teachers...nice to know people are concerned, though I hate it when I overhear a conversation like "Emma's depressed, isn't she?"
Damn right I am, and you just made it worse, thank you very much...
And now I'm ranting, so I'll move on...
I decided to change my major.
I've been into the history and English side of things, and of course, I still am; I love reading and writing stories, and I've found I'm actually pretty good at writing papers if I put my mind to it, and there's still that tiny part of me that thinks being a librarian would be cool...
But music is my life. And even if I fall behind in history and English, I never have, and never will do so in music, because it's just so important, and it's much more engaging to me than anything else I've ever done, and so...
"Hello, my name is Emma, and I'm a music performance major, with a focus on piano and composition."
It's really cool, and really intense, and yes, I practice four to five hours a day...or is it three to four? I can't count, haha...but this is it. And I know it is, because God told me so...
...
Wish he'd talk to me about other things too...oh, well, I just gotta pay attention more n listen.
I'm not always eating right, but I'm trying to take my vitamins every day. I have a meal-plan, and almost always get to lunch these days, especially since it's fifty meals the whole semester and I have more than there are days left in the school year, due to...um...depressing moments, I guess. I could have sworn I was gaining weight this semester, but I'm perfectly even to what I was last year at this time. That's a good thing, I suppose...though I still gotta eat better...but I'm making my own food in the dorm when I don't get to the cafeteria, and it's edible if not tasty. I'm going for healthy versus taste, and cheap versus everything. Who said I can't be sensible? I've resolved not to give into temptation and buy candy anymore. I keep peppermints handy, though, because they help me to stay awake...which is crazy, but true. (Thanks, Mic, for the advice!!) And then, for the rest of the time, I've got a part-time job at Subway, which gives me one free meal per shift, so I can have taste a few times a week, haha...tea is a major part of my diet, and though this always makes me think of Dad, it's the one thing that concerns home that doesn't make me miss home. Weird...
If I were to ask for a care-package, I'd probably want peanut butter, pasta, and some oatmeal cookies... =]
But I can get the first two for myself, and I have friends with ovens --wish I had a DORM with them-- so I can make those myself, if I have time...
What I really need are a bunch of quick, easy recipes that will cover the basics, like proteins, dairies, grains, etc, but be able to buy the ingredients in under ten dollars...those exist, right? Or I could just keep making goulash, and mixing tuna in with my macaroni and cheese...like I said, cheap and healthy over taste...though those could be healthier, I think...
Or, I know, if you're in the area, take me out for lunch!! yay!! haha...
On the matter of health, some of you know, some of you do not, but I was losing feeling in my right hand the last two months. A scary thing, especially considering my change of major. And scary, too, that the doctors have no idea what it is. I've been to the doctor more in the last month and a half than I have my entire life...or it seems like it. For the record, I hate doctors. I will look up my symptoms online, take vitamins and natural supplements to heal, and when I have kids, home-births all the way...doctors are bad!!
(And if you're a doctor, it's not you personally, I hate, just your profession, so don't feel bad, okay?)
Anyway, so it's been a concern, and I wouldn't have seen the doctors if I hadn't realized it wasn't going away and I had no idea how to make it so...go figure that they don't have any ideas, either. Another reason why I shouldn't have gone in the first place.
However, the last appointment I had, they said, though they don't know what causes it, it's clearly getting better...praise the Lord, right?
Which brings me to my next point...
I have found a church that I like, in the Heights, called City Church, and it's a lot like Hope back home, which is cool. Also, though not a factor of my liking it, but Pastor Kalen looks and sounds like Alec Baldwin...no kidding. Though, he's probably a little heavier, and his voice is a tad lighter, but I'd swear they were related...
The people there are really nice, though, and the pianist is great, the music is very up-lifting and inspiring, and I can really feel the presence of God there, which I couldn't in some of the other churches I've been in...and I wonder why that is? Hmm...anyway, so they have these cards you can fill out, concerning whether you're a first-timer or a regular or whatever, and on the back, they have a spot for prayer requests, and I figured to myself, why not put that issue with my hand down?
And I've noticed, that the 'getting better' the doctor mentioned, starting happening shortly after that...guess all I needed was God, huh?
Unfortunately I'll miss service tomorrow, due to work conflicts, but I'm pretty sure I've found where I'm supposed to be, and that's a relief, let me tell ya...
I hope I can be a positive addition to the church body.
Hmmm...
I kind of don't want to talk about how the rest of summer went...
It was good, of course, just...I feel like when I left, I closed a door, and I don't want to open it right now...
This is the important stuff, anyway, so it works...
Hope everyone is well, as always, prayers are appreciated, care packages are more appreciated, and nice hefty check is best <3
(HA!)
Love you all, stay warm...
Shame on me?
What can I say...sorry, I guess, though I doubt you missed me, because I'm hard to understand, and even give myself a headache at times, so...yeah...
So what to say, then?
Start from now and go backwards, or start from summer and go forwards? What's freshest? Well, that's an easy question...what's easiest to write about, though? That's where things get...interesting...ahaha...
On my desk is the book Sunshine, by one Robin McKinley, author of such great stories as Spindle's End and Beauty and Deerskin, and I greatly look forward to the time when I have enough money to buy her newest volume, Pegasus --or perhaps I'll just wait until it's in paperback, so I'll get it cheaper. I digress...the point is Sunshine. An epic story of love and mystery and Death by Chocolate and what, in my opinion, the Twilight Saga could only dream of being. I've got a thing for vampires, you know? However, like the title character, I also have a thing for 'sunshine,' which, unfortunately, I am lacking in.
Point one: I moved back into the dorms, the upper-classmen dorms, known as 'Rimview,' and it's all lovely, and my roommates are great, and I just like being here. And everything fits into my room, from the piano and three guitars (four if you count the bass) to the Christmas tree and my forty-plus dresses. Great, and lovely, and surprisingly uncramped...though I tend to hit my head on the ceiling if I'm not careful, but that's neither here nor there. No, the only problem is in looking out my window, I have a great view of the courtyard, whether it be green and bright or snowy and dark, and I can see everything that's happening within the dorm, if I choose to do so...and I can see the sunshine that, due to my poor choice of rooms, does not even touch my window, no matter the time of day. Perfection...
Point two: while it's been surprisingly warm weather this fall, I still have had the heater on in my own room since early October. I'm sure my roommates are grateful that it's a small personal one, and that I'm not turning up the heat in the entire unit. As I told my friends the other day, I am a northern girl with southern sensibilities; i.e., I get cold unless it's eighty degrees out. And, since the sunlight doesn't reach my room, I'm even colder, having no outside source to absorb.
Point three: I repeat, the weather has been surprisingly warm this fall. But just this last Thursday, winter descended upon us, and it's snowing...and snowing...and snowing...and even when it stops, I haven't seen hair nor hide of the sun in days. I hope my next living space has at the very least a better window set-up.
Sunshine, I love you, and I'll be back for you someday, so please don't forget me!!
I've been feeling lonely the last...however long it's been. I spent the whole summer away from home, though with Johanna and Jordan, who I consider extended family, so it was nice, and though I'm rather asocial most of the time, we still had good times together.
And then, the summer was over, and I went home...for only two, maybe three days? And then it's back to school, and I was looking forward to winter break, going home, recharging from lack of family...I'm like Nodame without Chiaki...give me at least a shirt that smells like you, please!! But, well, money is tight, winter weather is rough on driving, and though a flight would give me extra time --five hours travel-time versus sixteen-- it would also double the cost, and a train would only make the road issues disappear, and so...I'm not going home. And I realize, then, that if you think about it, it's been almost a year since I've been at home. I was there for a month after spring semester, true, and there are those three days between summer and fall semester, but I was almost a guest in my own house. Heck, that month I was home, I didn't even really have a room to myself, having Eli's stuff in there, and then I'd sleep more often in MJ's bed with her instead...trying to do that 'recharging' I mentioned. And it's the same for those three days. It's been understood in my mind that I really have moved out, even if it's only to the dorms, and that home will never be home again...which makes me feel homeless.
So I'm lonely.
Haha.
Who'd have thunk?
And yes, I've got friends here, and I have graciously accepted invitations to Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations where I know I'll feel the outsider, but it's better than being alone, isn't it? I'm really trying to lessen my alone time, because I sink into these funks and don't do a thing...bad, bad, bad...
The school counselor thinks, if I don't improve, I should get some meds...which makes me really want to laugh, because, heck, I'm the bouncy, annoying, cheerful, and ditzy cheerleader, aren't I? People tell me to be calm, and try to mellow out, and it just doesn't work, and if I try, then I'm depressed, so I just go back to bouncy...and the bouncy girl needs antidepressants, yay...haha, seriously, though, what's wrong with this picture?
God, it's hard being here...and so I'm going to ask if you'll all contribute something to my Christmas tree, whether it be a candy cane to decorate or a present to sit beneath, so then I'll have some physical knowledge that I'm not alone...is that wrong to ask?
I sound pathetic, I'm sure, but I laugh as I'm writing, so I figure I'll be okay; I just thought I should be honest, because not talking about it makes it worse, according to me, and according to the counselor, and according to the academic advisor, and according to the history and piano teachers...nice to know people are concerned, though I hate it when I overhear a conversation like "Emma's depressed, isn't she?"
Damn right I am, and you just made it worse, thank you very much...
And now I'm ranting, so I'll move on...
I decided to change my major.
I've been into the history and English side of things, and of course, I still am; I love reading and writing stories, and I've found I'm actually pretty good at writing papers if I put my mind to it, and there's still that tiny part of me that thinks being a librarian would be cool...
But music is my life. And even if I fall behind in history and English, I never have, and never will do so in music, because it's just so important, and it's much more engaging to me than anything else I've ever done, and so...
"Hello, my name is Emma, and I'm a music performance major, with a focus on piano and composition."
It's really cool, and really intense, and yes, I practice four to five hours a day...or is it three to four? I can't count, haha...but this is it. And I know it is, because God told me so...
...
Wish he'd talk to me about other things too...oh, well, I just gotta pay attention more n listen.
I'm not always eating right, but I'm trying to take my vitamins every day. I have a meal-plan, and almost always get to lunch these days, especially since it's fifty meals the whole semester and I have more than there are days left in the school year, due to...um...depressing moments, I guess. I could have sworn I was gaining weight this semester, but I'm perfectly even to what I was last year at this time. That's a good thing, I suppose...though I still gotta eat better...but I'm making my own food in the dorm when I don't get to the cafeteria, and it's edible if not tasty. I'm going for healthy versus taste, and cheap versus everything. Who said I can't be sensible? I've resolved not to give into temptation and buy candy anymore. I keep peppermints handy, though, because they help me to stay awake...which is crazy, but true. (Thanks, Mic, for the advice!!) And then, for the rest of the time, I've got a part-time job at Subway, which gives me one free meal per shift, so I can have taste a few times a week, haha...tea is a major part of my diet, and though this always makes me think of Dad, it's the one thing that concerns home that doesn't make me miss home. Weird...
If I were to ask for a care-package, I'd probably want peanut butter, pasta, and some oatmeal cookies... =]
But I can get the first two for myself, and I have friends with ovens --wish I had a DORM with them-- so I can make those myself, if I have time...
What I really need are a bunch of quick, easy recipes that will cover the basics, like proteins, dairies, grains, etc, but be able to buy the ingredients in under ten dollars...those exist, right? Or I could just keep making goulash, and mixing tuna in with my macaroni and cheese...like I said, cheap and healthy over taste...though those could be healthier, I think...
Or, I know, if you're in the area, take me out for lunch!! yay!! haha...
On the matter of health, some of you know, some of you do not, but I was losing feeling in my right hand the last two months. A scary thing, especially considering my change of major. And scary, too, that the doctors have no idea what it is. I've been to the doctor more in the last month and a half than I have my entire life...or it seems like it. For the record, I hate doctors. I will look up my symptoms online, take vitamins and natural supplements to heal, and when I have kids, home-births all the way...doctors are bad!!
(And if you're a doctor, it's not you personally, I hate, just your profession, so don't feel bad, okay?)
Anyway, so it's been a concern, and I wouldn't have seen the doctors if I hadn't realized it wasn't going away and I had no idea how to make it so...go figure that they don't have any ideas, either. Another reason why I shouldn't have gone in the first place.
However, the last appointment I had, they said, though they don't know what causes it, it's clearly getting better...praise the Lord, right?
Which brings me to my next point...
I have found a church that I like, in the Heights, called City Church, and it's a lot like Hope back home, which is cool. Also, though not a factor of my liking it, but Pastor Kalen looks and sounds like Alec Baldwin...no kidding. Though, he's probably a little heavier, and his voice is a tad lighter, but I'd swear they were related...
The people there are really nice, though, and the pianist is great, the music is very up-lifting and inspiring, and I can really feel the presence of God there, which I couldn't in some of the other churches I've been in...and I wonder why that is? Hmm...anyway, so they have these cards you can fill out, concerning whether you're a first-timer or a regular or whatever, and on the back, they have a spot for prayer requests, and I figured to myself, why not put that issue with my hand down?
And I've noticed, that the 'getting better' the doctor mentioned, starting happening shortly after that...guess all I needed was God, huh?
Unfortunately I'll miss service tomorrow, due to work conflicts, but I'm pretty sure I've found where I'm supposed to be, and that's a relief, let me tell ya...
I hope I can be a positive addition to the church body.
Hmmm...
I kind of don't want to talk about how the rest of summer went...
It was good, of course, just...I feel like when I left, I closed a door, and I don't want to open it right now...
This is the important stuff, anyway, so it works...
Hope everyone is well, as always, prayers are appreciated, care packages are more appreciated, and nice hefty check is best <3
(HA!)
Love you all, stay warm...
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