My dragon is bleeding.
How is this possible, you ask?
For once I shall spare the gory details and just tell you that I'm having female issues.
Thank God you're not a girl, right?
I'm tired.
I'm tired of staring at a computer screen, waiting for something interesting to appear.
I'm tired of reading the same old books, even when they're my favorite.
I'm tired of all the stupid, crazy, scary ideas that pop up in my head when I don't want them.
I'm tired of putting on a happy face when I want to scream and tear my room apart.
I'm tired of living in a place where I can't make a mess and just let it be.
I'm hungry.
I might have just eaten, but it wasn't quite enough.
Not to mention I kind of wondered if the milk had gone bad, even though the sell-by date was only three days ago.
Don't you usually have another week beyond that?
I'm hungry for sugar right now.
I shouldn't have had those Starbursts the other day because they threw my system out of whack.
This is why I don't order dessert or pick up a brownie on the buffet line.
Food screws me up, but I really want some more right now.
Last night I ate nearly two-thirds of a bag of stale popcorn from the movie I'd seen on Friday.
I don't really know what to eat, though.
I'm just hungry.
I'm depressed.
I'm depressed because I couldn't find the right German dictionary for my Diction class.
I'm depressed because I can't keep my room in some sort of order.
I'm depressed because every story has a happy ending except for mine.
Never mind that my story isn't anywhere near to ending anyway.
I'm depressed because I freak out over stupid things I can't control.
I'm depressed because I might transfer schools and I really don't want to.
I'm depressed because if I don't transfer schools, I'm definitely taking out a loan.
I'm depressed because as far as I know, I haven't met you yet.
...cue Michael Bublé song...
I'm scared.
I'm scared that I'm never going to get any better.
I'm scared that all I've done thus far will have been for nought.
I'm scared that when I go to sleep at night, I'll have another messed up dream.
I'm scared that one of these days I'll stop being polite, and never go back.
I'm scared that I won't be a good mother if I don't start changing myself right now.
I'm scared that my friends won't stick around.
I'm scared that everything is so far beyond my reach.
I'm scared that you don't exist.
I'm scared that one of these days I'll start crying, and I won't be able to stop.
I think I need to calm down.
I think I need to go eat some protein.
I think I need to put on a movie and relax.
I think I need to pray.
Prayer is something I don't do that often these days.
I'm so disappointed in what I don't get that it seems useless.
Never mind that my time isn't God's time.
Never mind that sometimes unanswered prayers mean 'Sorry, but no.'
I've lost my faith somewhere along the way.
I only pray when the nightmares get really bad.
And then when I think they get better, they get worse again, and I give up.
Sorry God.
Sorry you.
I need some help.
Fix me, please?
...sigh...
Off to find more food.
Thanks for listening.
