Chet Hanson is my Boyfriend...

It's tweaked, of course, cuz it's in the dream world...

Such as living alone with Dad, cuz no one else exists anymore...
And living next-door to my eleventh-grade English teacher...
(Though Mrs. Weber was pretty cool)
And living on a lake...
Where the water comes up past the house sometimes...
(How dumb is that?)
And my room is painted, but different, and I'm trying to paint a cool flower, but I misjudge the lines...
And then on the other side, we have the man of our dreams, who lives with his mother Gwen, though she's called CW, short for 'Claire's Wife' and Claire is her girlfriend...
And the house is actually a restaurant, at least on the main level, which is pretty sweet...
(But still weird, you know?)
And, guess what?
I'm still only nineteen...
And he's younger of course...
(WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION WITH YOUNGER GUYS??? AUGH...)
And before I know his name, he kisses me...
And Dad freaks out about me having a boyfriend so there's no privacy...
Until we hide out in Weber's backyard with a bunch of gray cats...
(Why gray? I do not know...)
And Dad calls her, asking if she knows where we are, but she doesn't give us away, only tells us not to do anything wrong...
Whereafter I tell her I don't do that sort of thing, never have...
And he's totally surprised by that, but doesn't freak over it...
Though he does ask how many boyfriends I've had...
(JUST ONE, THANK YOU!!)
And we can hear my Dad calling for us...
And then someone turns the music up...

And I'm back in the real world...
*sigh*

Online Dating...

So, I was browsing through people on MySpace for no reason that I could discern and I came upon this kid who lives nearby, is in the military, a little older than me, has an almost two-year-old daughter, but is separated from the Mom, and as I read his site I became more and more intrigued, and so...
I wrote to him.
A sort of long, rambling letter.
Because, he asks, in his 'Who I'd Like To Meet' thing for anyone who wants to be friends to tell a little about themselves.
So I did.
Maybe more than I little, I don't know.
And I started thinking how crazy a thing that was to do.
I mean, he could be some psychotic freakazoid person that I just let into my life.
He could be an April.
*shudders*
But he could be something special...
Or even just a really good friend.

So the real question is, on a scale of one to seventeen, just how crazy am I?
(And please keep in mind that fractions do NOT count)

Life Plans

So I was reading my sister's blog
(I have it listed under 'Jessie da Bomb' for those of you interested in reading it as well)
And I started thinking about all the 'Life Plans' I'd made for myself, and I was thinking, so far, none of them have come true that I can think of. Perhaps I'll find one as I go on, but let me give you some examples:

1. I wanted to be the first in the family to get his/her license on time.
   I was a day before twenty, later than my brother and sister, and my younger sister got it the next day, AT SIXTEEN.
2. I wanted to go PSEO like my sister and my friend Heidi, and finish college early.
   I nearly didn't pass high school and I've decided, for the time being, not to return to college, at least until I figure out how to pass math, haha.
3. I wanted to be moved out and on my own by eighteen.
   I'm still livin in the basement and money runs through my hands like water.
4. I wanted to be married by twenty-one.
   I've got less than three months to go and no prospects in sight because my ex decided he'd rather be a priest and the only person to really catch my interest since then turned out to be hitting for the other side.
5. ...

And okay, so I can't think of any other 'Life Plans' at the moment, mostly just short-term goals, like 'Learn how to drive a manual' and 'Keep room clean for more than a day' and simple things like that. But it seems everything important just isn't meant to be...
Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?
Or does God have something bigger and better in mind?
I can only hope so...

I have so much laundry to do...

And yet I haven't even started...

How's that for a lack of discipline?

PLUS
I stayed up late last night talking to a friend who wants to be more, but I absolutely don't, and even though I enjoyed the conversation (for the most part) I really wanted to sleep, and yet I'm too mean to actually TELL him, so it was nearly one-thirty before he left.

And so, I slept in.
Until about an hour ago.

And I only woke up because I had a dream of my baby sister falling off the roof.
What was she doing up there in the first place?
And the window wouldn't open all the way so I could go after her, because running down the hall, down the stairs, out the door and around the house would take too long.
And it freaked me out.
And when I woke up, I had to pause to get my heartbeat back to normal while I told myself that I would hear people freaking out upstairs if that had really happened.

But I can't dwell on that right now...

Time for laundry...

I can't afford a shrink...

So you'll have to do.

Sometimes it seems everything is about HIM.

All the music is about him...

All the movies are about him...

Everything I do somehow comes back to him.

And I've told myself, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE!!

Which, since I have, actually helps.

But sometimes, sometimes, I regress, and I can't help but think about him...

I thought I had an antidote.

There's a picture I took on my phone a while back, where he was getting tired of my taking pictures, and so he flicked me off, though still smiling. And I was browsing through those pictures when I came across that one, and it made me laugh, and I thought to myself, 'This is perfect. He's a jerk, so this proves it, and I won't have to moon over him anymore.'

And, strange and twisted as that seems, it was working.

But I just bought a new phone, and there are no pictures of him being mean to me so what am I supposed to do now?

Can you tell me that?

In other news...

I'm taking pictures at the county fair today, for the judging for 4H.

It should be fun, though I'll have to dig out my sunscreen and all, but I kind of like being outside these days...I'm coming out of my shell and all...or my lair, as my mom calls it, haha...

And then later tonight, we're practicing our skit for performance on Saturday and Sunday, which is pretty exciting, I think.

Now if only I could figure out what my role is, I'd be great...

"Leaning on a lamppost..."

Sometimes I wish it was that simple.
To just be waiting, knowing that your special someone will come by, and all you have to do...
Is wait.

Which, okay, might sound difficult, but it's only difficult if you're doing something.
Or if you don't actually know that someone's coming, you just hope.

I wish life was really like they say in songs...

Hmmm...

Never mind, remind me tomorrow...

All Wet...

The rain won't stop.
And the lightning keeps flashing.
And the thunder crashes afterwards.
And I think I should clean my room since I can't hang out outside and the television holds no interest...

I used to like dancing in the rain...
I always had so much fun at our house on Cady Circle...
But then we moved to the 'Great State of Minnesota' and the rain turned cold...
Bummer...

Pray for sunshine...

Breakfast for Lunch...

Recently I've become obsessed with books on tape (or CD, as the case may be.)
I know it takes longer to get through it out loud than it does on paper, but if I don't have something in my hand, then I can do other things, like sweep the floor, sort my laundry, fold my laundry, and even reorganize my room so it's actually clean.
Go figure.
But sometimes, I'm stupid about it.
Last night, for instance.
I got home from work at about ten, chatted with my brother and sister until about eleven-thirty, and started playing around on my computer until about twelve and I thought to myself: 'Hey, maybe I should get some sleep, as I've actually got plans tomorrow.' So I change into pjs, turn off the light, and am about to shut off my computer when I remember that I'm supposed to have all the books I own finished before the fall.
But, strangely enough, I don't even want to read.
So what do I do instead?
I pick up one of those audio books, slip the disk into my computer, and listen...
Until about four-thirty this morning.
Hence, we have, 'Breakfast for Lunch...'

Sometimes I amaze even myself...