So life is crazy.
I think it is for all my friends.
And I think sometimes I aggravate the situation by listening to the same song over and over and over...three days in a row.
To my lovely roommates, I humbly apologize, and thank you for not banging on my door and telling me to stop.
It's been awhile since I last posted, though, so let me catch you up on a few things...
I mentioned last time, I went through this really scary period where my right hand was just being weird...that is to say, it was completely numb, twenty-four seven, as if I'd slept on it, but it never went away, and writing became difficult, as did playing piano, and though I kept calm, I was freaking out on the inside...and actually did freak out once after a doctor's appointment where the man told me 'It may last six days, it may last six months...'
Thank you, Amelia, for letting me freak out, and for letting me talk to you afterwards.
No surprise, they never did figure out what was wrong with me, but the feeling came back, and I'm playing just as well as ever, if not more, and my major thanks me for getting better...
Being a music major is awesome, by the way, and I don't know why I put it off for so long; I think I was worried about what people thought of me, and the expectations of my family, and I was a little scared, too, but I've never felt more at peace about what I'm doing with my life as I do now...I've got so many more friends in the department now, too; the musicees (thanks for the nickname, J-me) are really tight-knit and like a family, and I didn't get that feeling in the history department --though of course, they're still nice, it's just not the same. Plus, I'm really good at all this music stuff, which makes me believe I'm on the right track; I mean I just pick up on stuff so fast, it's awesome, I'm awesome, and I wouldn't be anywhere else.
Of course, I can't forget the non-music people that have taken me in; I have such a blast with everyone, and I know I can be quiet sometimes, but when I talk, you listen to everything I have to say, and even though you keep trying to convince me to watch scary movies with you, Mal, J-me, Nick, I love you all...when are we hanging out next?
Now it's not all sunshine and roses...very little of that, in fact, as stated in my last post, I don't get sunshine no matter the time or day or year...sadness!! haha, but seriously...
There's a member of the family that I've been hearing tales of since I was a kid, and for awhile, I almost considered her to be some sort of fairy-tale character; real enough, but still so far away from my life. And then we found her, and suddenly, bam, fairy-tale is solid. But there's still hesitation, and so, with a little encouragement, yours truly made first contact, and wow...welcome to the family, Amy!!
Only certain persons got mad at me, one left an angry message on my phone, and I felt for a moment that my whole life was crashing down, and who else could I blame but myself? Though it's ridiculous to think that I alone could ruin someone's life, think that I did, and it took me awhile to realize that wasn't true. And though it's been awkward, it would appear I've been forgiven, and even though there's still one that hasn't talked to me, I think everything's going to be okay, and the sudden whirlwind of this awesome discovery has settled into a light breeze.
My next goal is to meet fact-to-face, but we'll see what happens. For now, it's as if I've got myself a 'pen-pal' [web-pal is maybe a better term?], and I'm loving it...
I've discovered in the last month, many things about being a girl that I'd had no experience with before...for instance, for two weeks, with the exception of class time, where I'm focused and undistractable, I found myself in tears almost every ten minutes. I fear I may have brought people around me down, but no one ever said anything; I'm sure it was clear I didn't like being distressed, and I didn't want sympathy, either, but I don't think anyone can ever really ignore a girl in tears.
And what brought on these tears?
A good song, a stupid movie, running out of peanut butter, reading my textbook, watching my friends laugh at whatever was being said, playing piano, doing dishes, trying to figure out what to wear, filling up the empty water bottles, switching from a #2 pencil to mechanical...the list goes on, and gets more and more ridiculous. And every time my phone went off during class, where I'm unable to see what's up or what's wrong, for five minutes, I thought the worst, until the teacher brought me back to earth with her discussion on 16th-note rhythms.
(It never was the worst, and I keep wondering why my friends and family keep calling during my favorite class...)
It was completely inconceivable that I was acting this way, and I couldn't understand what had caused it, and for a moment...or more, actually...I was hoping God had pulled the same miracle twice and I was the virgin Emma...at least the emotional roller-coaster would have made sense, right?
But then my period came, and I was back to my happy-go-lucky self, and I have to wonder...is this a new trend? Am I going to be over-reacting to every little thing for two weeks a month for the rest of my life?
Heaven help me, and heaven help my friends, if that's the case...
Some lovely emotional turmoil that's been going through my mind as well concerns two of my best friends who are getting married.
First off, color me jealous?
It really seems like everyone but me is married or engaged or in a serious relationship...though of course that can't be true, but I think about it, and it's only worse when I think to myself, Mom had a one-year-old at my age, and Jess was married and Liberty was around when she was my age (though I can't remember if she was still inside Jess, but the point stands), and I feel like I'm breaking tradition here...
Then I think of Elle being in a serious relationship (with a boy I used to like!! the horrors continue), and she's not yet twenty, and then, wait...my friends I mentioned? Shonda is twenty, getting married in two weeks, and Sam is nineteen, and will only be twenty when she ties the knot next summer...
Which brings me to point number two: when did everyone get so young?
I feel like I'm getting a complex, but I refuse to do so at the same time, but then I rant which makes it seem like I've already got it, but if I don't rant, well...
As I said, emotional turmoil.
Sometimes I wish that I could take a baseball and just chuck it through one of the windows in the dorm here and and watch the glass shatter and explode...that'd be rather cathartic, don't you agree?
Except there would be fines and penalties and goodness knows what, so...
The other day, I was told some upsetting news --though truthfully, it was my own selfishness that made the upset, and everything was perfectly logical for the person involved-- and, not having a baseball or extra cash to pay for new windows, I did the next best thing...
I rearranged my room.
And discovered I have far more junk that any person needs, and I wonder how I fit it all so neatly into one space...which reminds me...I love packages, but have no room for the boxes they entail, so...no, don't stop sending me boxes, just make sure you send me some tape along with it, so I can still use the boxes after I take them apart to store them properly.
I also discovered that I have a lot of books and they are heavy. To move the wardrobe, I emptied one of the drawers, which had about fifty or so books in it, and I figured that would be perfect; I was golden. Except even then, I neglected to consider the second drawer full of even more books and thus heavier, and it was quite an exercise to push it from one side of the room to the other. At one point, I'd shoved back as far as I could, while using the desk for leverage, until the distance became too great, and my strength began to wane and I slid back against the wardrobe, temporarily defeated...I say temporarily, because I do not leave a job undone, and though I may be small, I'm stronger than I look, and I won't be defeated by a hundred-plus pound piece of furniture...even if the blackberry brandy I'd forgotten was on top decided to dive-bomb and hit me smack in the middle of my head...I've never had a headache from alcohol before then. =)
As you can see from the pictures [http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=753588966&aid=293926], I'm apparently a genius of both making messes and cleaning them up. And in the process, I decided to downsize as well. Five boxes are headed for the back of my car, and I finally took down my Twilight posters...I'm not as big a fan I was at the end of the semester, I guess? And the piano is finally more of a focal point than extra counter-space like it has been...now if only I could find a good chair to go with it...
I mentioned last time that I wasn't able to see family for any of the holidays, but that changed one day when my mother called and said "Grandpa said you need to go home, so he bought you a ticket."
[You have no idea how thankful I am for that, Grandpa!! love you!!!]
I spent every night cuddling with MJ, which was awesome, and I got to see the whole family when we all met up at the grandparents' place after Christmas, and it was just so much fun, and so relaxing, and I'm really going to push myself to go home at least for a little bit in August before school starts again, because I really do miss them, and though I'm sure they love me, too, it's more likely that I'll be the one taking the effort to go see them...this is nothing against my family, but it kind of seems like they don't care as much when they're in the thick of things because they just don't get as lonely as I do...
Which makes me wonder, Jess, how do you do it? I know you've got Eric and the kids, but that can't be enough when you're in a 'hicktown,' can it?
(And no offense to hicktowns, I think they're great and would love to live in one myself someday, but they're also really detached from everything else, so it can't be easy to suddenly find yourself stuck there when you're not used to that type of atmosphere)
Wonderful as visiting family was, though, I was eager to get back to school, and eager to get to know my friends better, and to go places...and to drive places...that I couldn't because, since I hadn't driven it in awhile, my car battery decided it wouldn't work.
And though I asked, schedules never matched up, so no one was ever able to jump my car, until last night, after an epic girls' night (kudos to Janie and Travis for making it awesome!!), and then, with Frankenstein crying out "It's alive!!" inside my head, I drove around, made sure it was running at least forty minutes, and then finally did some shopping for the groceries I so desperately needed --I love peanut butter and oatmeal, but variety is nice, and I missed my milk!-- and I felt like I ruled the world, queen of the road...
Until I put the groceries in the car and tried to start it, and then Bones said "She's dead, Jim!"
OMHolyness, I wanted to scream...
Instead, I kicked the car, and broke off some of the plastic over the bumper (sorry, Sylvie, I really do love you!!), and then a lovely young couple parked near me and stepped out of their vehicle and asked, "Do you need any help?"
Yes, please, and I don't care if you're strangers, because half of the people that could help are out of town for break, and the other half are sleeping (this is about one in the morning), and I'm stubborn and would probably rather walk than risk waking them up and getting them mad at me...my friend Jessica scolded me today when she found out I accepted a ride from strangers, so I promise, I won't do it again!!
But they were nice, they had awesome music, and did I ever mention I love the smell of cigarettes?
So it was a nice calm ride back to campus, and I did have my groceries, plus I now have a charger that I can plug in inside without needing another car to jump me, so I let it charge all night and found a ride early this afternoon with the lovely Katie, and Frankenstein again cried "It's ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!"
[Much more enthusiasm today, I think, lol]
And I discovered that it wasn't due to non-use like I originally thought, but that I'd apparently hit the switch to keep the lights on, and yeah, that'll about do it when your battery's low already and getting old...I like the charger, but it's sinking it that I'll probably have to really replace the battery sometime soon, but we'll get to that when we get to it, yes?
And um...what else is going on?
I'm in a play...
I'm dying my hair...
I'm writing a song for my brother Jay...
And I'm almost out of peach tea, but I've got several other flavors, plus the original Lipton (can't go wrong with a classic, can we?), so I think I'm good...
Yeah, I'm good....
And I hope the rest of you are as well!!
Love you, God bless, thanks for reading...
I think it is for all my friends.
And I think sometimes I aggravate the situation by listening to the same song over and over and over...three days in a row.
To my lovely roommates, I humbly apologize, and thank you for not banging on my door and telling me to stop.
It's been awhile since I last posted, though, so let me catch you up on a few things...
I mentioned last time, I went through this really scary period where my right hand was just being weird...that is to say, it was completely numb, twenty-four seven, as if I'd slept on it, but it never went away, and writing became difficult, as did playing piano, and though I kept calm, I was freaking out on the inside...and actually did freak out once after a doctor's appointment where the man told me 'It may last six days, it may last six months...'
Thank you, Amelia, for letting me freak out, and for letting me talk to you afterwards.
No surprise, they never did figure out what was wrong with me, but the feeling came back, and I'm playing just as well as ever, if not more, and my major thanks me for getting better...
Being a music major is awesome, by the way, and I don't know why I put it off for so long; I think I was worried about what people thought of me, and the expectations of my family, and I was a little scared, too, but I've never felt more at peace about what I'm doing with my life as I do now...I've got so many more friends in the department now, too; the musicees (thanks for the nickname, J-me) are really tight-knit and like a family, and I didn't get that feeling in the history department --though of course, they're still nice, it's just not the same. Plus, I'm really good at all this music stuff, which makes me believe I'm on the right track; I mean I just pick up on stuff so fast, it's awesome, I'm awesome, and I wouldn't be anywhere else.
Of course, I can't forget the non-music people that have taken me in; I have such a blast with everyone, and I know I can be quiet sometimes, but when I talk, you listen to everything I have to say, and even though you keep trying to convince me to watch scary movies with you, Mal, J-me, Nick, I love you all...when are we hanging out next?
Now it's not all sunshine and roses...very little of that, in fact, as stated in my last post, I don't get sunshine no matter the time or day or year...sadness!! haha, but seriously...
There's a member of the family that I've been hearing tales of since I was a kid, and for awhile, I almost considered her to be some sort of fairy-tale character; real enough, but still so far away from my life. And then we found her, and suddenly, bam, fairy-tale is solid. But there's still hesitation, and so, with a little encouragement, yours truly made first contact, and wow...welcome to the family, Amy!!
Only certain persons got mad at me, one left an angry message on my phone, and I felt for a moment that my whole life was crashing down, and who else could I blame but myself? Though it's ridiculous to think that I alone could ruin someone's life, think that I did, and it took me awhile to realize that wasn't true. And though it's been awkward, it would appear I've been forgiven, and even though there's still one that hasn't talked to me, I think everything's going to be okay, and the sudden whirlwind of this awesome discovery has settled into a light breeze.
My next goal is to meet fact-to-face, but we'll see what happens. For now, it's as if I've got myself a 'pen-pal' [web-pal is maybe a better term?], and I'm loving it...
I've discovered in the last month, many things about being a girl that I'd had no experience with before...for instance, for two weeks, with the exception of class time, where I'm focused and undistractable, I found myself in tears almost every ten minutes. I fear I may have brought people around me down, but no one ever said anything; I'm sure it was clear I didn't like being distressed, and I didn't want sympathy, either, but I don't think anyone can ever really ignore a girl in tears.
And what brought on these tears?
A good song, a stupid movie, running out of peanut butter, reading my textbook, watching my friends laugh at whatever was being said, playing piano, doing dishes, trying to figure out what to wear, filling up the empty water bottles, switching from a #2 pencil to mechanical...the list goes on, and gets more and more ridiculous. And every time my phone went off during class, where I'm unable to see what's up or what's wrong, for five minutes, I thought the worst, until the teacher brought me back to earth with her discussion on 16th-note rhythms.
(It never was the worst, and I keep wondering why my friends and family keep calling during my favorite class...)
It was completely inconceivable that I was acting this way, and I couldn't understand what had caused it, and for a moment...or more, actually...I was hoping God had pulled the same miracle twice and I was the virgin Emma...at least the emotional roller-coaster would have made sense, right?
But then my period came, and I was back to my happy-go-lucky self, and I have to wonder...is this a new trend? Am I going to be over-reacting to every little thing for two weeks a month for the rest of my life?
Heaven help me, and heaven help my friends, if that's the case...
Some lovely emotional turmoil that's been going through my mind as well concerns two of my best friends who are getting married.
First off, color me jealous?
It really seems like everyone but me is married or engaged or in a serious relationship...though of course that can't be true, but I think about it, and it's only worse when I think to myself, Mom had a one-year-old at my age, and Jess was married and Liberty was around when she was my age (though I can't remember if she was still inside Jess, but the point stands), and I feel like I'm breaking tradition here...
Then I think of Elle being in a serious relationship (with a boy I used to like!! the horrors continue), and she's not yet twenty, and then, wait...my friends I mentioned? Shonda is twenty, getting married in two weeks, and Sam is nineteen, and will only be twenty when she ties the knot next summer...
Which brings me to point number two: when did everyone get so young?
I feel like I'm getting a complex, but I refuse to do so at the same time, but then I rant which makes it seem like I've already got it, but if I don't rant, well...
As I said, emotional turmoil.
Sometimes I wish that I could take a baseball and just chuck it through one of the windows in the dorm here and and watch the glass shatter and explode...that'd be rather cathartic, don't you agree?
Except there would be fines and penalties and goodness knows what, so...
The other day, I was told some upsetting news --though truthfully, it was my own selfishness that made the upset, and everything was perfectly logical for the person involved-- and, not having a baseball or extra cash to pay for new windows, I did the next best thing...
I rearranged my room.
And discovered I have far more junk that any person needs, and I wonder how I fit it all so neatly into one space...which reminds me...I love packages, but have no room for the boxes they entail, so...no, don't stop sending me boxes, just make sure you send me some tape along with it, so I can still use the boxes after I take them apart to store them properly.
I also discovered that I have a lot of books and they are heavy. To move the wardrobe, I emptied one of the drawers, which had about fifty or so books in it, and I figured that would be perfect; I was golden. Except even then, I neglected to consider the second drawer full of even more books and thus heavier, and it was quite an exercise to push it from one side of the room to the other. At one point, I'd shoved back as far as I could, while using the desk for leverage, until the distance became too great, and my strength began to wane and I slid back against the wardrobe, temporarily defeated...I say temporarily, because I do not leave a job undone, and though I may be small, I'm stronger than I look, and I won't be defeated by a hundred-plus pound piece of furniture...even if the blackberry brandy I'd forgotten was on top decided to dive-bomb and hit me smack in the middle of my head...I've never had a headache from alcohol before then. =)
As you can see from the pictures [http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=753588966&aid=293926], I'm apparently a genius of both making messes and cleaning them up. And in the process, I decided to downsize as well. Five boxes are headed for the back of my car, and I finally took down my Twilight posters...I'm not as big a fan I was at the end of the semester, I guess? And the piano is finally more of a focal point than extra counter-space like it has been...now if only I could find a good chair to go with it...
I mentioned last time that I wasn't able to see family for any of the holidays, but that changed one day when my mother called and said "Grandpa said you need to go home, so he bought you a ticket."
[You have no idea how thankful I am for that, Grandpa!! love you!!!]
I spent every night cuddling with MJ, which was awesome, and I got to see the whole family when we all met up at the grandparents' place after Christmas, and it was just so much fun, and so relaxing, and I'm really going to push myself to go home at least for a little bit in August before school starts again, because I really do miss them, and though I'm sure they love me, too, it's more likely that I'll be the one taking the effort to go see them...this is nothing against my family, but it kind of seems like they don't care as much when they're in the thick of things because they just don't get as lonely as I do...
Which makes me wonder, Jess, how do you do it? I know you've got Eric and the kids, but that can't be enough when you're in a 'hicktown,' can it?
(And no offense to hicktowns, I think they're great and would love to live in one myself someday, but they're also really detached from everything else, so it can't be easy to suddenly find yourself stuck there when you're not used to that type of atmosphere)
Wonderful as visiting family was, though, I was eager to get back to school, and eager to get to know my friends better, and to go places...and to drive places...that I couldn't because, since I hadn't driven it in awhile, my car battery decided it wouldn't work.
And though I asked, schedules never matched up, so no one was ever able to jump my car, until last night, after an epic girls' night (kudos to Janie and Travis for making it awesome!!), and then, with Frankenstein crying out "It's alive!!" inside my head, I drove around, made sure it was running at least forty minutes, and then finally did some shopping for the groceries I so desperately needed --I love peanut butter and oatmeal, but variety is nice, and I missed my milk!-- and I felt like I ruled the world, queen of the road...
Until I put the groceries in the car and tried to start it, and then Bones said "She's dead, Jim!"
OMHolyness, I wanted to scream...
Instead, I kicked the car, and broke off some of the plastic over the bumper (sorry, Sylvie, I really do love you!!), and then a lovely young couple parked near me and stepped out of their vehicle and asked, "Do you need any help?"
Yes, please, and I don't care if you're strangers, because half of the people that could help are out of town for break, and the other half are sleeping (this is about one in the morning), and I'm stubborn and would probably rather walk than risk waking them up and getting them mad at me...my friend Jessica scolded me today when she found out I accepted a ride from strangers, so I promise, I won't do it again!!
But they were nice, they had awesome music, and did I ever mention I love the smell of cigarettes?
So it was a nice calm ride back to campus, and I did have my groceries, plus I now have a charger that I can plug in inside without needing another car to jump me, so I let it charge all night and found a ride early this afternoon with the lovely Katie, and Frankenstein again cried "It's ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!"
[Much more enthusiasm today, I think, lol]
And I discovered that it wasn't due to non-use like I originally thought, but that I'd apparently hit the switch to keep the lights on, and yeah, that'll about do it when your battery's low already and getting old...I like the charger, but it's sinking it that I'll probably have to really replace the battery sometime soon, but we'll get to that when we get to it, yes?
And um...what else is going on?
I'm in a play...
I'm dying my hair...
I'm writing a song for my brother Jay...
And I'm almost out of peach tea, but I've got several other flavors, plus the original Lipton (can't go wrong with a classic, can we?), so I think I'm good...
Yeah, I'm good....
And I hope the rest of you are as well!!
Love you, God bless, thanks for reading...
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