I've found, over the last few weeks, that I know nothing about life that goes on around me...
One sister has a boyfriend who we've talked about less times than I can count on one hand, in the month and a half she's been dating him. Are they doing well? I assume so, but I don't know.
My older brother moved into his new apartment sometime in the last week, and I didn't really register that fact until today. I haven't probably spoken to him in at least two weeks. Is he doing well? I honestly hope so, but I don't know.
Am I repeating myself? Let's try something different...
There is a girl in my church that I've become a bit of friends with, and we've chatted during Bible study and such, and I just found out that she's not quite eighteen, though I thought she was at least twenty-one. And I discovered she's been home-schooled, and is not in college, as I thought she was. So I wonder, what have we been talking about that I didn't know this before? Well...God, men and chocolate...not bad things, but still. No intimacy, at least not on my part, and I have to wonder, is this lack my fault? Am I really that out of touch that she doesn't see the point in telling me other things about her? Or did she tell and I'm that out of touch that I didn't realize?
Or look at another aspect, members of my family--cousins, aunts, uncles, grand-parents, etc--are going through things, good and bad, that I have no awareness of. I feel ignorant and stupid, because no one tells me, but then, as with my church friend, perhaps they did and I'm just out of touch, off in my own world...
It just seems I'm the last to know about everything, from births to deaths.
And I think it might be because I don't show initial interest. But then I think, also, why should I have to make the first move? Why do I have to call first or email or send a text message or whatever? Why can't people come to me?
I just feel so out of touch...and I know, half the time--more than half--I do it on purpose. If I don't get close, you can't hurt me when you stop talking to me, and heck, I'm moving a million miles across the country anyway, so why should I care in the first place what's going on outside of me if I'm just leaving it behind?
But the double-edged sword cuts right through me when you tell her that you found someone you like before me, or him that you just got accepted to the school of your dreams, and I'm out of the loop, broken and bleeding on the sidewalk just because I was bored with main traffic and can't figure out how to zip back in...talk about your mixed metaphors, haha...
I'm sure Mom would tell me it's just a matter of balance.
(Seems everything is with me)
But I'm awful dizzy lately and am more likely to fall on my face than walk a straight line...
How do I do it?
Any ideas?
One sister has a boyfriend who we've talked about less times than I can count on one hand, in the month and a half she's been dating him. Are they doing well? I assume so, but I don't know.
My older brother moved into his new apartment sometime in the last week, and I didn't really register that fact until today. I haven't probably spoken to him in at least two weeks. Is he doing well? I honestly hope so, but I don't know.
Am I repeating myself? Let's try something different...
There is a girl in my church that I've become a bit of friends with, and we've chatted during Bible study and such, and I just found out that she's not quite eighteen, though I thought she was at least twenty-one. And I discovered she's been home-schooled, and is not in college, as I thought she was. So I wonder, what have we been talking about that I didn't know this before? Well...God, men and chocolate...not bad things, but still. No intimacy, at least not on my part, and I have to wonder, is this lack my fault? Am I really that out of touch that she doesn't see the point in telling me other things about her? Or did she tell and I'm that out of touch that I didn't realize?
Or look at another aspect, members of my family--cousins, aunts, uncles, grand-parents, etc--are going through things, good and bad, that I have no awareness of. I feel ignorant and stupid, because no one tells me, but then, as with my church friend, perhaps they did and I'm just out of touch, off in my own world...
It just seems I'm the last to know about everything, from births to deaths.
And I think it might be because I don't show initial interest. But then I think, also, why should I have to make the first move? Why do I have to call first or email or send a text message or whatever? Why can't people come to me?
I just feel so out of touch...and I know, half the time--more than half--I do it on purpose. If I don't get close, you can't hurt me when you stop talking to me, and heck, I'm moving a million miles across the country anyway, so why should I care in the first place what's going on outside of me if I'm just leaving it behind?
But the double-edged sword cuts right through me when you tell her that you found someone you like before me, or him that you just got accepted to the school of your dreams, and I'm out of the loop, broken and bleeding on the sidewalk just because I was bored with main traffic and can't figure out how to zip back in...talk about your mixed metaphors, haha...
I'm sure Mom would tell me it's just a matter of balance.
(Seems everything is with me)
But I'm awful dizzy lately and am more likely to fall on my face than walk a straight line...
How do I do it?
Any ideas?
No comments:
Post a Comment