Intro in the Middle

Hello, my name is Emma, I'm probably not as old as my profile says I am (if it says at all), and I'm a college student. I live in a suite-style dorm, so I get my own room, and I definitely need it, because I am a M-E-S-S. Laundry and dishes are surprisingly calming...but I rarely have time to calm down, so they don't get done. I listen to all sorts of music, and I sometimes wonder where it all came from, but I just keep rockin' through, whether it's funk, pop, trance, classic rock, piano or electric guitar. I'm learning how to knit and am making a scarf for one of my best friends (even though it's getting warmer), and I've decided knitting is a very logical activity. This goes there and does that and if you mess this up you can always fix it with that. I've been wearing a lot of dresses and skirts lately, mostly due to the warm weather, though my usual 'uniform' is jeans and a t-shirt. I'm supposed to be on a budget, but the other day I cheated and bought some cookies, because I've got serious cravings for sugar like all the time. I write for the school newspaper but not always very well; in fact the next issue is sure to be severely lacking, and that makes me sad, but I can't find the time to make it awesome, what with classes ending in a mere two weeks. I draw, mostly video game characters, because if I try to do something off the top of my head, it's flat and boring. My car, a beat-up Blazer I call Sylvie, is probably on her last legs, and I plan on driving over three thousand miles this summer, so I'm thinking I should get a tune-up or something before I do. I have two 8x10 pictures of my ex-boyfriends for comparisons and so I can psychoanalyze my choices, but I tend to forget they exist and just leave them in the folder they came in, making me wonder why I bothered in the first place. I love the color red but will surprisingly be found to wear a lot more black or blue, perhaps because those fade into the background easier. Despite the urge to fade, I will be found wearing clothes that reveal one or both of my tattoos in the hopes that someone will stop me and ask about them. Even though I'm not superstitious, I practice like I am, and will follow patterns said to make things work out. I don't step on cracks, and if I do, it's an accident, and you'll see me wince every time. I have big dreams, out-of-this-world goals, and I don't see them ever being accomplished because I'm more lazy than anything else. Drinking tea keeps me sane while at the same time reminding me of home, so I get melancholy. I'm allergic to amoxicillin, which makes me wonder what would happen if I took penicillin. I'm nearly blind without my glasses, and my eyes get worse as I age; I figure I'll be blind by the time I'm thirty. But that's okay, because I've discovered I can play almost anything on the piano with my eyes shut, and I've got a good ear for mistakes. I don't go to church, not because I don't believe, but because I can't find one I like. Sometimes I will listen to sermons from home online, but I don't think of it too often. I've been told I should try out for the school plays, but I'm not sure I'll have time next year, however it's an intriguing idea, and since it was the theatre teacher that told me so, I'm thinking I may have a shot. I like to write short stories, and longer ones without endings, and I used to think that you just sent in your manuscript and someone would buy it, but apparently you have to pay for the production yourself; therefore I will never be published, at least nowhere but on the great wide world we call the internet. And the school paper, I suppose I can't forget that. My big thing right now is to be 'a man of my word,' which is harder than it sounds. I'm practically incapable, mostly because the truth is embarrassing, and so I'd rather not say anything...but a lie of omission is still a lie, isn't it? On that subject, the real reason I decided to go back to school is because I want to get married. I don't want an education. I don't want a degree. I don't want a career. I want a family. And when I prayed about it, God told me he was here in Montana, so here I am. It's nice that God talks to me, but sometimes I wish that He would be a little clearer, and help me figure out how to do things without going through all these hoops. It's funny, though, because I have a feeling that I won't be here for very long, so I wonder what I was thinking going along with it in the first place...only when God says go, you're supposed to go, right? I'm struggling with a lot of things right now, and I'm very grateful that the semester is almost over so I can go home. And I'm also grateful for the summer job I have with two of my very good friends out at a resort in Yellowstone. I know it's going to be a wonderful experience, and hopefully I can save my money and pay for some of my schooling myself. And I pray that I can find a job next semester as well, so I can pay back my Mom for the school-books she paid for this time around, as well as the food and gas it took to get out here, and my insurance...yikes. And also to pay back my grandparents, since I really do need their help, but I'm not worthy, so it's more like I'll be asking for a loan, because I'm not good enough to just get a free ride. I don't know what I'll live off of next semester if I do that, but I'm sure I'll survive, and even as skinny as I am, I can still lose ten pounds that I've gained this time around, so it'll be okay I think...I hope. And I think, considering the mess that is my room and my life and such, that I'm going to just throw everything I own out the window...that is to say, I'm getting rid of everything but clothes, my laptop and school books. I can't do anything else, and I don't need it either.
Hmmm...
This isn't quite the tone I was going for.
I apologize for spilling it all out on you.
I would keep it to my diary, only I need to fool myself into believing that someone else is listening.
Thank you for that.

Enjoy life...