[the following may or may not have a single thing to do with being American on the 4th of July]
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There is a certain person, let's call her 'B' who has been with me throughout my musical college career. She is encouraging and engaging, and is behind me one hundred percent, always helping me when I have struggles and giving me ideas when I hit a dead end.
She is also one of those lovely people who knows exactly what to say to crush a person. She's practical and pragmatic and very down to earth in all respects, and, to a person who is spontaneous and crazy and has such big dreams as I, very much a realist. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with her where I am nodding because she's just so damn logical that I can't bring myself to argue despite my heart breaking on the inside.
Alas, I have put my life in her hands more times than I know, and I will continue to do so because, to be frankly honest, I absolutely worship the ground she walks on. And I know she won't steer me wrong.
Though I can't deny that I might cry one or two more times before everything comes together in that lovely ideal called perfection.
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There are three things off the top of my head that I want out of life.
The first being that I want always to be surrounded by music. I don't particularly care if I'm the one playing it or if I'm just delegated to the role of listener; if I could have music playing somewhere all day, I would be perfectly happy. Well, as long as there's no death metal, post-90s rap, or Nicki Minaj (I can't stand her and don't know how gullible a person has to be to believe that the drivel she produces is actually music).
The second thing I want is a warm, and sunny kitchen. This will take some time, of course, seeing as I live in an apartment that is practically at basement level, and there's no way I would be able to afford a place of my own at this time. I'm not even sure if I want to stay in Montana forever. But wherever I settle, I am determined to have a bright and sunny kitchen. Big windows over the sink, the walls painted yellow with blue accents, the smell of cookies and bread on the air, and thank you, but no dishwasher, because it's just so much more fun doing it all by hand.
The third and last thing I really want (though it may in fact be the first) is to never be alone. Heaven knows how I'll manage this, or even when my current lonely circumstances will change, but I still hold out hope. I want a big family, but I'll settle for just one person to be there always, to hold me, and love me, no matter what silly thing I may come up with to drive the person insane.
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"A remarkable felicity of expression."
If someone told me I had this, I would die happy.
Until then, I shall continue in my own messy way.
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Every time I find myself satisfied with my life, someone else does something inherently selfish and evil, and I think to myself, what gives you the right to throw away what I so desperately want?
Case in point:
A friend of a friend of a friend...well, a young woman was speaking to her friend of how she was going to miss her four-year-old son. The friend replied in query, is he going somewhere for a while? Probably thinking of a trip to grandparents or something along those lines. The young woman negates the statement however, by announcing that she had put him in foster care. Immediate sadness and pity is shown, and the question of why? Were times really that hard that she could not care for him? And the heartless young tramp announces that it was too hard to be a mother and keep a man around at the same time.
Oh, to be an acquaintance of that hussy and slap her silly.
I would kill to be a mother and she gives up her motherhood for sex? I've heard of unfit mothers, but really. What is this world coming to?
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Working in retail is a learning experience.
And a bit worrisome. There are so many things, shiny, bright things, loud, colorful things, and I have to wonder, if everyone is so poor, why do they spend their money on such silly things as a glitter-bedecked shirt that will lose all its glitter in the wash, or a popcorn box with M&Ms drawn over its surface? Do they assume that just because they shop at a low-cost store that they're not spending as much money if they go for those unnecessary extras? Haven't these people ever heard of thrift?
And for goodness' sake, would someone please explain to me what the point of an 18-hour bra is?
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God bless America.
Because we sure as hell need Him.
Happy 4th, everybody.
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