Something Like Crazy...

"I'm not your princess
This ain't a fairy-tale..."

Taylor Swift says it so well...

James broke my heart last night.
He sounded so calm and cool while he did so.
Very straight-faced, as well.
And after I thought about it, very logical, too...

Basically, what it amounts to is that there are things I want to do that he's not ready for, and he doesn't think I should have to wait for him to grow up, so...
We're done.

I didn't have the chance to tell him that I'd realized as much as I wanted to settle down and all that jazz, I wasn't ready to be a Mom. I like the title more than the responsibility. And I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. So, I've decided to go back to school, and get some sort of a degree...

But, as frazzled as I was at that point, I couldn't quite explain that to him, and let him know we had a couple years so waiting for him to grow up would be no hardship, and he just sat there, staring at me, calm and cool and...well, suffice to say, I realized his mind was already made up.

So I tried to contain my tears, mostly succeeded, and gave him a hug goodbye...
And hit him, too, for kissing me when he said hello just a little before.
Not that he felt it.

So...
We're done, it looks like.
He said we might get back together, he was leaving that option open...
But even that didn't stop me from nearly screaming with the pain of it as I cried after he left.

Mom tried to be sympathetic, but she's been telling me how he's not right for me, so I think she's a little smug, too...plus she wasn't too enthusiastic about me crawling into bed with her at one in the morning so I'd stop crying...but, as she said, I am twenty-one, so maybe I'm a bit old for that...

Still can't believe it hurts this much, when we were together for less than 1/4 the time Bryant and I were...and it's kind of funny, too, though, cuz, in my head, before I tell people what happened, I have to remember, "James broke up with me, not Bryant." Cuz I never thought he would I guess...

Everyone tells me I'm young yet, but I've never felt older...

Hope everyone else is doing well...