The Aftermath of Stress

So I had my recital...

(Sorry, audio only, it takes more time to edit the video...)

There were several things going through my mind as I played...

• I have to play this measure just so or it's going to sound terrible.
• I wonder how many people are in the audience.
• This is for Mom.
• I wish Aimee was on stage the whole time.
• I'm so glad I can finally learn new music after this.
• I feel like I should be sweating more than I am.
• That was a weird mistake...but let's keep going.
• People are talking.  Why are people talking?
• You should breathe, Em.
• I really wish Tiffany was here.
• Or Melissa, she's supposed to be backstage sending me energies.
• Who forgot to turn off their cell phone?
• Hey, your hands stopped shaking.
• I only have three movements left and I'm done??
• Nailed it.

And then we had a little reception and people loved my piano, people loved Aimee, people loved my dress...and I was so happy it was over.
Except that stress build-up didn't stop; it kept building.  So Thursday I felt stressed out.  And Friday I felt stressed out.  And Saturday I started to feel a little bit better.
Until Sunday when I finally got around to editing my recital, and I said to myself over and over again...
     How many times can you make such stupid, stupid, STUPID mistakes?
And I may have cried during the first piece and then laughed during the second piece, until I got to the vocal pieces and I thought...
     There you are.  You calmed down once she got on stage beside you, didn't you?
Stage fright is a curse.
And apparently stresses me out so my body carries it for days afterwards.
Hooray.

And so maybe I'm still thinking about all those things I ranted about last time.
And maybe I'm still a little crazy, even though the hardest part of my semester is finally over.
But I'm okay.

And now I'm going to call an old friend, just because.

Cheers.