Duh...
But, no, what I've noticed, and this is strange, it's only my guy friends, not the girls, but whenever I say something about freaking out over something, here are the standard responses...
"You're okay."
"Just keep going."
"You'll be fine."
"Just breathe."
All basically the same thing, and it's funny, no one else tells me I'm okay, they all tell me to, basically, though often in nicer terms, quit whining and shut up...
Why are guys nice, but girls are blunt?
I'm confused, but at the same time, I don't care enough to figure out why...
Just an observation...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wow...
Just read Beth's blog about single girls and the attached blog from 'Big Mama' and that's like so what I've been feeling, and I'm at the point where I've decided to finally let go and let God, but wow, that's like so me...
Beth, how do you do this?
You always have the most awesome things to say, and it feels like it's just for me!
I love you!! :)
Beth, how do you do this?
You always have the most awesome things to say, and it feels like it's just for me!
I love you!! :)
Random Update (copied from Myspace blog cuz too lazy to rewrite haha)
So it's been awhile since I've been into MySpace, I just don't feel like being here, even on Facebook, it's just sort of oh hi, but I don't feel like responding to anything, so I feel like I've fallen off the edge...
But I haven't, honestly, I just got a little down but I don't want to be there anymore, so I'm pulling my boots on, standing tall, and taking on the world...
Here's what's happening...
I'm currently jobless, but by my own choice. The one was getting irritating, mostly due to the management giving me management duties myself without any actual authority so I couldn't fix things, and without the pay, too, and not that I care too much if you pay more or less, but couldn't you at least give me something in return for doing your work?
The other was fine, except that I had a couple issues with Jake, the manager who's a jerk but I still briefly thought of asking him out anyway, because I felt sorry for him, thought he needed a good time to get off being a jerk, and oh, yeah, he's cute, too...but, well, for some reason, maybe my perky attitude, or my like of Taylor Swift, he doesn't like me at all, and even though not everyone has to like me, I could just feel his dislike radiating off of him, and so I started searching for another job, and he took offense when he heard, and so I told him just keep me on til the end of the month, and we were actually great between then and now...
Only I never did find that other job, despite interviews, mostly because of the latest piece of news...I've been accepted for spring semester at Rocky Mountain College, in Billings, Montana...yay me!! And I'm all excited for it, can't wait, but well, people don't want you working for three months, they'd prefer that you live a life of drudgery doing something boring at minimum wage for all eternity, and even if they say they support schooling, they actually just want you sell them your soul and work it off for the rest of your days...
And yes, I'm being dramatic, and I actually don't mean half of that, I just like the way it sounds... :)
Lame...
I don't have any romantic interests right now, which is probably for the best, as I tend to forget what I want in life with a dreamy guy in my vision...I've had a couple weird vibes, though...first, a close friend came into work and blurted out he liked me...whoa...and I was flattered, but not in any way feeling it, so I'm honest, and he's okay with it, I think, as we're still friends, but I sometimes wonder if I should cut him off...? Then, a friend of my brother's likes me and I'm not into him at all, only nice because I feel sorry for him, and he acted like he understood, but then started saying things that made it seem like he was going to break me, and he about succeeded, but only in that I'd crack and kill him, never date him, so I broke things off completely...that was fun...haha...then there's this guy I've been friends with for a long time, well, maybe not that long, but it seems like forever to me, and I was gradually falling for him, and his friends said he was falling for me, and I wondered, what would he do if I just up and kissed him? But then, I went to Haiti, and when I came back, he was distant...and I think it's my fault, but I really don't know what I did, exactly, except I know I can put off some pretty intense vibes when I'm into someone, and maybe he realized he didn't want an intense relationship like that? So we're friends, but I haven't really talked to him in almost three months, and gave up on getting a response from a text...but I'd like to thank him, anyways, because I truly count him as the fourth person I've ever loved, and now I don't moon over the last official boyfriend because I had an in between person. :) Not to say I moon over him, no, because I got a closer relationship with God these days, so it's all good on that count. And I'm just waiting for my not-so-charming prince --who wants all that perfection anyway, right?-- to show up, and according to Maggie, who God talks to more than me, I'll be just fine...
I've found I have maybe four really close friends that I can talk to about anything, excluding family members, and so I've just been working on cultivating those relationships, having a little fun when I can, and it's been good, I think. Every now and then I wonder if they're the right people to talk to, mostly because, in getting closer to God, I've realized how much I need to surround myself with believers, and only one of them applies to that, and even then, we don't believe the same thing at all, but then I feel like I'd be doing a disservice if I let them go, and I think God wants me around them for a reason...don't know what it is, yet, but there you go...
Which is one of the reasons I was a little iffy about Montana, going so far away from everyone, but I know I can chat online at least with all of them, and I'll have a phone, too, so it should be fine, and I'll just try to be available as much as I can --though I can't neglect my school work, no-- and I just have to trust that if God really wants me to keep these people in my life, He'll help me find a way.
I'm in a constant battle to keep my life organized right now, as, without a job, I have freetime, but no drive to do anything, so, with Mom's help, I've got chores to do, and a study schedule, for math, and piano, and though it's touch and go, I'm not completely awful at sticking to it. As long as I have a list, I've found I can stick to anything...just don't let me get away with thinking I can keep the list in my head! haha or I'll never do anything...
My sister Elle and I are hoping to have a Halloween party this year, which we know our parents don't like the creepy stuff, but if we have it in the barn, there's no need to decorate, it's creepy enough, right? And, it's just really a fun time, music, food, a bonfire if the weather's nice...but Mom and Dad have to say yes first! Please say yes??
I find myself being less emotional than I could be, and I'm able to keep my cool, remain calm, be nice to people I'm otherwise mean to, and though I still cry over things, I don't try to press that on people, as I've found it's actually more embarrassing than helpful...and so if I cry, it really doesn't mean anything these days, just that it's building up and my body doesn't know how else to release stress...if I happen to cry more than most people, it's just my stress level is unbelievably high, even if my life doesn't seem to be...but God's helping me get through it...
My Mom's in Europe right now, which is awesome, but I feel the responsibilities of adulthood more keenly with her gone, and I'm almost glad that God's got different plans than I do, because as much as I've always wanted to be settled, I'm so not ready for anything right now...
Need to grow up...
Stop watching cartoons...
Clean up my act...
And learn to wake up in the mornings instead of afternoons!
Or maybe half that, lol...
It would seem my brain can't produce anything more random so I'll say goodbye for now...
Hope all's well on your end :)
But I haven't, honestly, I just got a little down but I don't want to be there anymore, so I'm pulling my boots on, standing tall, and taking on the world...
Here's what's happening...
I'm currently jobless, but by my own choice. The one was getting irritating, mostly due to the management giving me management duties myself without any actual authority so I couldn't fix things, and without the pay, too, and not that I care too much if you pay more or less, but couldn't you at least give me something in return for doing your work?
The other was fine, except that I had a couple issues with Jake, the manager who's a jerk but I still briefly thought of asking him out anyway, because I felt sorry for him, thought he needed a good time to get off being a jerk, and oh, yeah, he's cute, too...but, well, for some reason, maybe my perky attitude, or my like of Taylor Swift, he doesn't like me at all, and even though not everyone has to like me, I could just feel his dislike radiating off of him, and so I started searching for another job, and he took offense when he heard, and so I told him just keep me on til the end of the month, and we were actually great between then and now...
Only I never did find that other job, despite interviews, mostly because of the latest piece of news...I've been accepted for spring semester at Rocky Mountain College, in Billings, Montana...yay me!! And I'm all excited for it, can't wait, but well, people don't want you working for three months, they'd prefer that you live a life of drudgery doing something boring at minimum wage for all eternity, and even if they say they support schooling, they actually just want you sell them your soul and work it off for the rest of your days...
And yes, I'm being dramatic, and I actually don't mean half of that, I just like the way it sounds... :)
Lame...
I don't have any romantic interests right now, which is probably for the best, as I tend to forget what I want in life with a dreamy guy in my vision...I've had a couple weird vibes, though...first, a close friend came into work and blurted out he liked me...whoa...and I was flattered, but not in any way feeling it, so I'm honest, and he's okay with it, I think, as we're still friends, but I sometimes wonder if I should cut him off...? Then, a friend of my brother's likes me and I'm not into him at all, only nice because I feel sorry for him, and he acted like he understood, but then started saying things that made it seem like he was going to break me, and he about succeeded, but only in that I'd crack and kill him, never date him, so I broke things off completely...that was fun...haha...then there's this guy I've been friends with for a long time, well, maybe not that long, but it seems like forever to me, and I was gradually falling for him, and his friends said he was falling for me, and I wondered, what would he do if I just up and kissed him? But then, I went to Haiti, and when I came back, he was distant...and I think it's my fault, but I really don't know what I did, exactly, except I know I can put off some pretty intense vibes when I'm into someone, and maybe he realized he didn't want an intense relationship like that? So we're friends, but I haven't really talked to him in almost three months, and gave up on getting a response from a text...but I'd like to thank him, anyways, because I truly count him as the fourth person I've ever loved, and now I don't moon over the last official boyfriend because I had an in between person. :) Not to say I moon over him, no, because I got a closer relationship with God these days, so it's all good on that count. And I'm just waiting for my not-so-charming prince --who wants all that perfection anyway, right?-- to show up, and according to Maggie, who God talks to more than me, I'll be just fine...
I've found I have maybe four really close friends that I can talk to about anything, excluding family members, and so I've just been working on cultivating those relationships, having a little fun when I can, and it's been good, I think. Every now and then I wonder if they're the right people to talk to, mostly because, in getting closer to God, I've realized how much I need to surround myself with believers, and only one of them applies to that, and even then, we don't believe the same thing at all, but then I feel like I'd be doing a disservice if I let them go, and I think God wants me around them for a reason...don't know what it is, yet, but there you go...
Which is one of the reasons I was a little iffy about Montana, going so far away from everyone, but I know I can chat online at least with all of them, and I'll have a phone, too, so it should be fine, and I'll just try to be available as much as I can --though I can't neglect my school work, no-- and I just have to trust that if God really wants me to keep these people in my life, He'll help me find a way.
I'm in a constant battle to keep my life organized right now, as, without a job, I have freetime, but no drive to do anything, so, with Mom's help, I've got chores to do, and a study schedule, for math, and piano, and though it's touch and go, I'm not completely awful at sticking to it. As long as I have a list, I've found I can stick to anything...just don't let me get away with thinking I can keep the list in my head! haha or I'll never do anything...
My sister Elle and I are hoping to have a Halloween party this year, which we know our parents don't like the creepy stuff, but if we have it in the barn, there's no need to decorate, it's creepy enough, right? And, it's just really a fun time, music, food, a bonfire if the weather's nice...but Mom and Dad have to say yes first! Please say yes??
I find myself being less emotional than I could be, and I'm able to keep my cool, remain calm, be nice to people I'm otherwise mean to, and though I still cry over things, I don't try to press that on people, as I've found it's actually more embarrassing than helpful...and so if I cry, it really doesn't mean anything these days, just that it's building up and my body doesn't know how else to release stress...if I happen to cry more than most people, it's just my stress level is unbelievably high, even if my life doesn't seem to be...but God's helping me get through it...
My Mom's in Europe right now, which is awesome, but I feel the responsibilities of adulthood more keenly with her gone, and I'm almost glad that God's got different plans than I do, because as much as I've always wanted to be settled, I'm so not ready for anything right now...
Need to grow up...
Stop watching cartoons...
Clean up my act...
And learn to wake up in the mornings instead of afternoons!
Or maybe half that, lol...
It would seem my brain can't produce anything more random so I'll say goodbye for now...
Hope all's well on your end :)
Friday, August 21, 2009
More craziness...Hildi's in Love!
So I had a few friends over the other day, and Hildi took a real shine to my friend Alex, especially when he started reading one of her favorite books, Go Dog Go...did he maybe give her the wrong impression? ;)
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
So how many of you knew...?
That I was in Haiti this last week?
Well now you know...
I don't have pictures yet, will be getting them all together soon...
And I wrote a diary, some of which I'll post on here...
But it was really awesome...
I miss it...
And I'm so tired and I'm speaking in church tomorrow about it...
GAH!!
Pray for me :)
Love you all...
Well now you know...
I don't have pictures yet, will be getting them all together soon...
And I wrote a diary, some of which I'll post on here...
But it was really awesome...
I miss it...
And I'm so tired and I'm speaking in church tomorrow about it...
GAH!!
Pray for me :)
Love you all...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Response to Jessie's Air Show
Went to the 'Back to the '50's' car show at the state fairgrounds this weekend...
Both a joy and a disappointment...
Lots of things seem that way lately...
BUT!!
My pictures are kinda cool, so here goes...
Both a joy and a disappointment...
Lots of things seem that way lately...
BUT!!
My pictures are kinda cool, so here goes...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
In case you're wondering...
I'm so totally okay with everything.
The weight is gone.
I don't feel like crying.
And I kinda feel at peace...
Think this is the right direction.
Love you all...
The weight is gone.
I don't feel like crying.
And I kinda feel at peace...
Think this is the right direction.
Love you all...
Friday, June 12, 2009
Just a little Freak-Out...
Seriously.
I stopped crying.
And it only lasted for about a minute or two...
Though, okay, so I'm still thinking about it...
Alright, here's what's going through my head right now.
Yesterday, James came over. Not to see me, though he did, of course, and we chatted a little, but no, he came to see my Mom. See, he got this new job selling knives --salesman? whoa-- and he's been at it a little under two weeks and wanted to give his spiel to Mom to practice, and to my surprise, he's good at it, he's funny, engaging, whatever...they're good knives, too, and it's cool the things you can do with them. There's also a pair of shears that can cut through ANYTHING! To prove it, he cut a penny.
How cool is that?
Of course, he hadn't done that one when I was in the room, cuz I was doing other things, but when I came back in, I admired it, and, since Mom was out of the room taking care of the baby for a moment or something, he took time to show me a trick as well...
He made a flower out of the penny and gave it to me.
And HELLO, what does that mean?
He's never given me a flower before, not while we were dating, and now this?
And he seems happy to see me, which is nice, but I'm confused anyway.
And a little scared too...
Wanna know a secret?
I haven't dreamed of him in two weeks.
And months of nightmares, I've gone back to my normal dreaming habits.
And I'm glad, though a little bit wondering what made it stop, but this is good, it's nice to finally get over someone after...six months?
But then he comes over and confuses me...
And we have last night...
(Insert curse word here!)
And, okay, I know he's not good for me and all, and I've gone over all the reasons in my head, but a girl gets lonely and likes to be admired and starts thinking...
STOP THINKING!!
Wanna know why?
This morning I go on my Facebook account, and big and bold on the side column, guess what's new?
James is in a relationship.
Okay.
Just breathe.
I don't need to freak out.
I mean, I've been telling myself all the reasons why we shouldn't get back together anyway, so it's okay, right?
Right...
But what was with giving me a flower?
The jerk really is a nice guy, I guess...
Whatever, so I'm okay, just a little stunned, thrown for a loop.
But I'm reacting way better than I did when I found out the priest had a girlfriend, so I think this is okay...it's okay...
Say a prayer just in case my brain decides it's not?
Hope all's well with you...
I stopped crying.
And it only lasted for about a minute or two...
Though, okay, so I'm still thinking about it...
Alright, here's what's going through my head right now.
Yesterday, James came over. Not to see me, though he did, of course, and we chatted a little, but no, he came to see my Mom. See, he got this new job selling knives --salesman? whoa-- and he's been at it a little under two weeks and wanted to give his spiel to Mom to practice, and to my surprise, he's good at it, he's funny, engaging, whatever...they're good knives, too, and it's cool the things you can do with them. There's also a pair of shears that can cut through ANYTHING! To prove it, he cut a penny.
How cool is that?
Of course, he hadn't done that one when I was in the room, cuz I was doing other things, but when I came back in, I admired it, and, since Mom was out of the room taking care of the baby for a moment or something, he took time to show me a trick as well...
He made a flower out of the penny and gave it to me.
And HELLO, what does that mean?
He's never given me a flower before, not while we were dating, and now this?
And he seems happy to see me, which is nice, but I'm confused anyway.
And a little scared too...
Wanna know a secret?
I haven't dreamed of him in two weeks.
And months of nightmares, I've gone back to my normal dreaming habits.
And I'm glad, though a little bit wondering what made it stop, but this is good, it's nice to finally get over someone after...six months?
But then he comes over and confuses me...
And we have last night...
(Insert curse word here!)
And, okay, I know he's not good for me and all, and I've gone over all the reasons in my head, but a girl gets lonely and likes to be admired and starts thinking...
STOP THINKING!!
Wanna know why?
This morning I go on my Facebook account, and big and bold on the side column, guess what's new?
James is in a relationship.
Okay.
Just breathe.
I don't need to freak out.
I mean, I've been telling myself all the reasons why we shouldn't get back together anyway, so it's okay, right?
Right...
But what was with giving me a flower?
The jerk really is a nice guy, I guess...
Whatever, so I'm okay, just a little stunned, thrown for a loop.
But I'm reacting way better than I did when I found out the priest had a girlfriend, so I think this is okay...it's okay...
Say a prayer just in case my brain decides it's not?
Hope all's well with you...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
More than wow...
You find the craziest things at a quarter to one in the morning...
Happy Birthday Guitar Cover - The Click Five
Dates4Dorks
Hallelujah
Tyler's Amazing Oreo Trick
Guitar: Backwards
Foothill Freshman Cheerleading Performance '08
If you're as bored as I am, check it out :)
Happy Birthday Guitar Cover - The Click Five
Dates4Dorks
Hallelujah
Tyler's Amazing Oreo Trick
Guitar: Backwards
Foothill Freshman Cheerleading Performance '08
If you're as bored as I am, check it out :)
"Summer Again" / "MySpace Girl"
I'm watching the green give into gold
As summer becomes October's cold
Gravity begs
For one final kiss
She drops it to him, as she gives in
Traces of light, linger around
As laces of white fall to the ground
The softest of sounds for the heaviest things
And the pain that it brings
As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Don't remember the day, she started to fade
The ground felt a chill as she gave it away
A whisper - a sigh, for the time that she passed
But this winter won't last
As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Oh to be with summer again
The days were warm and we wore them like skin
Now I feel the effects of October again
As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Oh to be with summer again
I'm watching the green give in to gold
As summer becomes Octobers cold
As summer becomes October's cold
Gravity begs
For one final kiss
She drops it to him, as she gives in
Traces of light, linger around
As laces of white fall to the ground
The softest of sounds for the heaviest things
And the pain that it brings
As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Don't remember the day, she started to fade
The ground felt a chill as she gave it away
A whisper - a sigh, for the time that she passed
But this winter won't last
As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Oh to be with summer again
The days were warm and we wore them like skin
Now I feel the effects of October again
As she falls I try to catch her
For one last touch of warmth from summer
As one thing leaves to becomes another again
I remember when
Oh to be with summer again
I'm watching the green give in to gold
As summer becomes Octobers cold
This song is so not appropriate for June, despite the title...
However...
I'm kinda feeling like this.
Things seem to be falling from my grasp, even as other things fall into place...
So all applications (except one!) have been sent in, FINALLY, after much procrastination and such, and SAT scores will be sent out as soon as they're available --JUNE 25TH-- and here's where we're at...
University of Montana Western
Ursinus College
Clemson University
Rocky Mountain College
North Greenville University
Northwestern College
...and I think that's all?
Maybe one more, my brain seems to think so even while being unable to come up with a name...
I'm really crushin' on the third and fifth option, think the second is probably the perfect school, the fourth is cool mostly because the front cover of the brochure is green, the first just seems so...experiencial? is that a word? idk...and the sixth I'll settle for if none of the above say yes.
LET THEM SAY YES!!!
This is the type of happily ever after I'm lookin for, I think...
But I've got time...
I saw you once, it was enough
You asked me what I wanted, I want you
But I replied, I'll have some fries
So mesmerized, my heart was over driving through
I saw your name and unashamed
I searched within 500 miles to find
Any clue just as to who I've fallen for
Cause you've got me and I've got time
I saw your picture on Myspace
Maybe someday we can turn it into ourspace baby
I don't care how long it takes
I'm saving space in my top 8 for you
The second time you were so nice
I loved the way told me to enjoy my day
But I know what you meant to say instead
Was really that you wanted us to run away
I said let's go, I'll pack my clothes
Just promise me you'll wear that purple dress you have
You look so cute when you're confused
You backed away and asked me how I new about that
I know you're scared
I know our love is crazy
And I'm so crazy
You make me crazy
For you
"Summer Again" and "MySpace Girl" courtesy of The Afters, from their album "NEVER GOING BACK TO OK"
(Which I'm not, I think...)
And one more melancholy-type song for the road...
You asked me what I wanted, I want you
But I replied, I'll have some fries
So mesmerized, my heart was over driving through
I saw your name and unashamed
I searched within 500 miles to find
Any clue just as to who I've fallen for
Cause you've got me and I've got time
I saw your picture on Myspace
Maybe someday we can turn it into ourspace baby
I don't care how long it takes
I'm saving space in my top 8 for you
The second time you were so nice
I loved the way told me to enjoy my day
But I know what you meant to say instead
Was really that you wanted us to run away
I said let's go, I'll pack my clothes
Just promise me you'll wear that purple dress you have
You look so cute when you're confused
You backed away and asked me how I new about that
I know you're scared
I know our love is crazy
And I'm so crazy
You make me crazy
For you
"Summer Again" and "MySpace Girl" courtesy of The Afters, from their album "NEVER GOING BACK TO OK"
(Which I'm not, I think...)
And one more melancholy-type song for the road...
"Happy Birthday" by The Click Five
Hey you
I know I'm in the wrong
Time flies
When you're having fun
You wake up
Another year is gone
You're twenty-one
I guess you wanna know
Why I'm on the phone
It's been a day or so
I know it's kinda late
But happy birthday
Yeah yeah whoa oh
I know you hate me
Yeah yeah whoa oh
Well I miss you too
Yeah yeah I know
I know it's kinda late
But happy birthday
So hard
When you're far away
It's lame but I forgot the date
I won't make the same mistake
I'm so to blame
Now you know
Don't hang up the phone
I wish I was at home
I know it's way too late
But happy birthday
Yeah yeah whoa oh
I know you hate me
Yeah yeah whoa oh
Well I miss you too
Yeah yeah I know
I know it's kinda late
But happy birthday
It's not that I don't care
You know I'll make it up to you
If I could I'd be there
Yeah yeah whoa oh
Yeah yeah whoa oh
Well I miss you too
Yeah yeah I know
I know it's kinda late
But happy birthday
Yeah yeah whoa oh
I know you hate me
Yeah yeah whoa oh
Well I miss you too
Yeah yeah I know
I know it's kinda late
But happy birthday
To you
Saturday, June 6, 2009
C317
Noise.
I never expected so much, especially not at high school, on a Saturday morning, after graduation and the last day of school.
But there you have it.
Noise.
LOTS of noise.
So much that I wonder if perhaps I should take myself out of the middle of this crowd of children and move to the outskirts...but that would be cowardly.
I'm not afraid of crowds.
I'm not afraid of noise.
And I'm certainly not afraid to take a little test...
It gets quieter.
Children are going to their assigned classrooms, and, because this school is HUGE and SCARY and I feel like I might get LOST, I follow the crowd and make it to C-level.
HOW BIG CAN THIS SCHOOL BE?
Big enough.
Now, get in line, and have your IDs ready.
But wait, where's mine?
It's not in the pocket I put it in...
Step out of line, try not to hyperventilate...
But I found it, I'm okay, and let's step back in line, in the back of the line, and file in.
Seat 26?
I like that number.
My first lucky one.
The perfect age, I hope...
But it's okay.
Hand out the texts, don't open anything, keep your purse and calculator under your chair unless you're working on a math section.
Please be math so I can get you out of the way.
Please turn to page one.
You have twenty-five minutes to complete the essay...
NO!!
I hate writing.
I can't do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I have to do it.
Where do I start?
Don't cry.
No, stop, please...
It's just a little essay.
You write fiction all the time, how hard can fact be? Especially when it's your own opinion, right?
Right...
Breathe in, breathe out...
Waste five minutes of time...
Then commence writing kick-ass essay on if there are good things that come of seeing our heroes fail.
Five minute break?
Food?
I brought some...
But I can't eat...
But I can't sit in this desk, either, I'm freaking out, and I'm not really sure why.
Back to the room, sit back down...
No, there aren't any calculators to give out, but don't worry because you actually don't need one for any of the math questions.
Seriously?
Okay, so let's put the calculator down and try it...
Hey, this is easy!
I LOVE MATH!!
Wait, what am I saying?
But it is easy...
More breaks...
More tests...
I'm hungry.
I'm thirsty.
I need to use the restroom.
But FOCUS, you need to do great on this or you'll be stuck at home forever!
I don't want to be stuck at home.
More tests...
Congratulations, you've just finished the SAT.
Now...how do I get out of here?
I never expected so much, especially not at high school, on a Saturday morning, after graduation and the last day of school.
But there you have it.
Noise.
LOTS of noise.
So much that I wonder if perhaps I should take myself out of the middle of this crowd of children and move to the outskirts...but that would be cowardly.
I'm not afraid of crowds.
I'm not afraid of noise.
And I'm certainly not afraid to take a little test...
It gets quieter.
Children are going to their assigned classrooms, and, because this school is HUGE and SCARY and I feel like I might get LOST, I follow the crowd and make it to C-level.
HOW BIG CAN THIS SCHOOL BE?
Big enough.
Now, get in line, and have your IDs ready.
But wait, where's mine?
It's not in the pocket I put it in...
Step out of line, try not to hyperventilate...
But I found it, I'm okay, and let's step back in line, in the back of the line, and file in.
Seat 26?
I like that number.
My first lucky one.
The perfect age, I hope...
But it's okay.
Hand out the texts, don't open anything, keep your purse and calculator under your chair unless you're working on a math section.
Please be math so I can get you out of the way.
Please turn to page one.
You have twenty-five minutes to complete the essay...
NO!!
I hate writing.
I can't do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I have to do it.
Where do I start?
Don't cry.
No, stop, please...
It's just a little essay.
You write fiction all the time, how hard can fact be? Especially when it's your own opinion, right?
Right...
Breathe in, breathe out...
Waste five minutes of time...
Then commence writing kick-ass essay on if there are good things that come of seeing our heroes fail.
Five minute break?
Food?
I brought some...
But I can't eat...
But I can't sit in this desk, either, I'm freaking out, and I'm not really sure why.
Back to the room, sit back down...
No, there aren't any calculators to give out, but don't worry because you actually don't need one for any of the math questions.
Seriously?
Okay, so let's put the calculator down and try it...
Hey, this is easy!
I LOVE MATH!!
Wait, what am I saying?
But it is easy...
More breaks...
More tests...
I'm hungry.
I'm thirsty.
I need to use the restroom.
But FOCUS, you need to do great on this or you'll be stuck at home forever!
I don't want to be stuck at home.
More tests...
Congratulations, you've just finished the SAT.
Now...how do I get out of here?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
So...
I feel like I'm neglecting the rest of the world...
I've just caught up on reading about Beth's pregnancy, and seeing all those pictures of my niece and nephew, and I was browsing on Facebook and found out one of my old friends is engaged, and one of my friends just finished her freshman year of college, more are taking finals and then coming home for the summer...
And, somehow, unless it's all right in front of me, I don't care.
I'm very selfish, I think.
Like, I want to tell you all about what's going on in my life, and I want to, for once, check my blog and see that a million people have commented, to give sympathy, praise, support, whatever...
But I can't give you the same consideration.
Yeah, I'm awful...
So, I'll keep it simple.
I went to prom two weeks ago.
I almost lost my job, twice, in those two weeks.
I drank a single martini and it knocked me for a loop, from the first sip.
I dropped a hundred dollars on a guitar that my Dad says is junk.
I gave up mint ice cream to make a friend feel better about hitting the dog.
I stole a soda from one of my best friends.
I decided never again to talk to another friend.
I left my laundry on the closet floor.
I pushed everything under the bed, but the bed itself is made.
I keep taking Sunday shifts when all I want is to hang out at the shop.
I prefer the shirts that remind me of him to the more feminine attire.
I have to air-dry because I'm too lazy to wash towels.
And I think if I don't do something, despite my being calm, I might just freak out anyway...
What's going on in your life?
I've just caught up on reading about Beth's pregnancy, and seeing all those pictures of my niece and nephew, and I was browsing on Facebook and found out one of my old friends is engaged, and one of my friends just finished her freshman year of college, more are taking finals and then coming home for the summer...
And, somehow, unless it's all right in front of me, I don't care.
I'm very selfish, I think.
Like, I want to tell you all about what's going on in my life, and I want to, for once, check my blog and see that a million people have commented, to give sympathy, praise, support, whatever...
But I can't give you the same consideration.
Yeah, I'm awful...
So, I'll keep it simple.
I went to prom two weeks ago.
I almost lost my job, twice, in those two weeks.
I drank a single martini and it knocked me for a loop, from the first sip.
I dropped a hundred dollars on a guitar that my Dad says is junk.
I gave up mint ice cream to make a friend feel better about hitting the dog.
I stole a soda from one of my best friends.
I decided never again to talk to another friend.
I left my laundry on the closet floor.
I pushed everything under the bed, but the bed itself is made.
I keep taking Sunday shifts when all I want is to hang out at the shop.
I prefer the shirts that remind me of him to the more feminine attire.
I have to air-dry because I'm too lazy to wash towels.
And I think if I don't do something, despite my being calm, I might just freak out anyway...
What's going on in your life?
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