A book in one hand, and an invisible piano beneath the other...

Chord progressions are fascinating, did you know?
I picked up an album from ELO the other day, and there was a song I'd never heard, but I was immediately caught by the notes, and so I tried to play them in my head...I knew it was a jump up of a perfect fourth, and then descending step-wise...except that there were four chords and they played five, and I couldn't figure out what was happening...until I realized the second to last was a seven chord, and then all was right with the world...
Though I'm sure Sam thought I was crazy, sitting next to her, playing keys that weren't there, speaking Greek for all she knew...
But it certainly made my day better.
Wish everything was that simple...

Long-lost persons, superhuman strength, and broken-down cars...

So life is crazy.
I think it is for all my friends.
And I think sometimes I aggravate the situation by listening to the same song over and over and over...three days in a row.
To my lovely roommates, I humbly apologize, and thank you for not banging on my door and telling me to stop.

It's been awhile since I last posted, though, so let me catch you up on a few things...

I mentioned last time, I went through this really scary period where my right hand was just being weird...that is to say, it was completely numb, twenty-four seven, as if I'd slept on it, but it never went away, and writing became difficult, as did playing piano, and though I kept calm, I was freaking out on the inside...and actually did freak out once after a doctor's appointment where the man told me 'It may last six days, it may last six months...'
Thank you, Amelia, for letting me freak out, and for letting me talk to you afterwards.
No surprise, they never did figure out what was wrong with me, but the feeling came back, and I'm playing just as well as ever, if not more, and my major thanks me for getting better...

Being a music major is awesome, by the way, and I don't know why I put it off for so long; I think I was worried about what people thought of me, and the expectations of my family, and I was a little scared, too, but I've never felt more at peace about what I'm doing with my life as I do now...I've got so many more friends in the department now, too; the musicees (thanks for the nickname, J-me) are really tight-knit and like a family, and I didn't get that feeling in the history department --though of course, they're still nice, it's just not the same. Plus, I'm really good at all this music stuff, which makes me believe I'm on the right track; I mean I just pick up on stuff so fast, it's awesome, I'm awesome, and I wouldn't be anywhere else.

Of course, I can't forget the non-music people that have taken me in; I have such a blast with everyone, and I know I can be quiet sometimes, but when I talk, you listen to everything I have to say, and even though you keep trying to convince me to watch scary movies with you, Mal, J-me, Nick, I love you all...when are we hanging out next?

Now it's not all sunshine and roses...very little of that, in fact, as stated in my last post, I don't get sunshine no matter the time or day or year...sadness!! haha, but seriously...

There's a member of the family that I've been hearing tales of since I was a kid, and for awhile, I almost considered her to be some sort of fairy-tale character; real enough, but still so far away from my life. And then we found her, and suddenly, bam, fairy-tale is solid. But there's still hesitation, and so, with a little encouragement, yours truly made first contact, and wow...welcome to the family, Amy!!
Only certain persons got mad at me, one left an angry message on my phone, and I felt for a moment that my whole life was crashing down, and who else could I blame but myself? Though it's ridiculous to think that I alone could ruin someone's life, think that I did, and it took me awhile to realize that wasn't true. And though it's been awkward, it would appear I've been forgiven, and even though there's still one that hasn't talked to me, I think everything's going to be okay, and the sudden whirlwind of this awesome discovery has settled into a light breeze.
My next goal is to meet fact-to-face, but we'll see what happens. For now, it's as if I've got myself a 'pen-pal' [web-pal is maybe a better term?], and I'm loving it...

I've discovered in the last month, many things about being a girl that I'd had no experience with before...for instance, for two weeks, with the exception of class time, where I'm focused and undistractable, I found myself in tears almost every ten minutes. I fear I may have brought people around me down, but no one ever said anything; I'm sure it was clear I didn't like being distressed, and I didn't want sympathy, either, but I don't think anyone can ever really ignore a girl in tears.
And what brought on these tears?
A good song, a stupid movie, running out of peanut butter, reading my textbook, watching my friends laugh at whatever was being said, playing piano, doing dishes, trying to figure out what to wear, filling up the empty water bottles, switching from a #2 pencil to mechanical...the list goes on, and gets more and more ridiculous. And every time my phone went off during class, where I'm unable to see what's up or what's wrong, for five minutes, I thought the worst, until the teacher brought me back to earth with her discussion on 16th-note rhythms.
(It never was the worst, and I keep wondering why my friends and family keep calling during my favorite class...)
It was completely inconceivable that I was acting this way, and I couldn't understand what had caused it, and for a moment...or more, actually...I was hoping God had pulled the same miracle twice and I was the virgin Emma...at least the emotional roller-coaster would have made sense, right?
But then my period came, and I was back to my happy-go-lucky self, and I have to wonder...is this a new trend? Am I going to be over-reacting to every little thing for two weeks a month for the rest of my life?
Heaven help me, and heaven help my friends, if that's the case...

Some lovely emotional turmoil that's been going through my mind as well concerns two of my best friends who are getting married.
First off, color me jealous?
It really seems like everyone but me is married or engaged or in a serious relationship...though of course that can't be true, but I think about it, and it's only worse when I think to myself, Mom had a one-year-old at my age, and Jess was married and Liberty was around when she was my age (though I can't remember if she was still inside Jess, but the point stands), and I feel like I'm breaking tradition here...
Then I think of Elle being in a serious relationship (with a boy I used to like!! the horrors continue), and she's not yet twenty, and then, wait...my friends I mentioned? Shonda is twenty, getting married in two weeks, and Sam is nineteen, and will only be twenty when she ties the knot next summer...
Which brings me to point number two: when did everyone get so young?
I feel like I'm getting a complex, but I refuse to do so at the same time, but then I rant which makes it seem like I've already got it, but if I don't rant, well...
As I said, emotional turmoil.

Sometimes I wish that I could take a baseball and just chuck it through one of the windows in the dorm here and and watch the glass shatter and explode...that'd be rather cathartic, don't you agree?
Except there would be fines and penalties and goodness knows what, so...
The other day, I was told some upsetting news --though truthfully, it was my own selfishness that made the upset, and everything was perfectly logical for the person involved-- and, not having a baseball or extra cash to pay for new windows, I did the next best thing...
I rearranged my room.
And discovered I have far more junk that any person needs, and I wonder how I fit it all so neatly into one space...which reminds me...I love packages, but have no room for the boxes they entail, so...no, don't stop sending me boxes, just make sure you send me some tape along with it, so I can still use the boxes after I take them apart to store them properly.
I also discovered that I have a lot of books and they are heavy. To move the wardrobe, I emptied one of the drawers, which had about fifty or so books in it, and I figured that would be perfect; I was golden. Except even then, I neglected to consider the second drawer full of even more books and thus heavier, and it was quite an exercise to push it from one side of the room to the other. At one point, I'd shoved back as far as I could, while using the desk for leverage, until the distance became too great, and my strength began to wane and I slid back against the wardrobe, temporarily defeated...I say temporarily, because I do not leave a job undone, and though I may be small, I'm stronger than I look, and I won't be defeated by a hundred-plus pound piece of furniture...even if the blackberry brandy I'd forgotten was on top decided to dive-bomb and hit me smack in the middle of my head...I've never had a headache from alcohol before then. =)
As you can see from the pictures [http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=753588966&aid=293926], I'm apparently a genius of both making messes and cleaning them up. And in the process, I decided to downsize as well. Five boxes are headed for the back of my car, and I finally took down my Twilight posters...I'm not as big a fan I was at the end of the semester, I guess? And the piano is finally more of a focal point than extra counter-space like it has been...now if only I could find a good chair to go with it...

I mentioned last time that I wasn't able to see family for any of the holidays, but that changed one day when my mother called and said "Grandpa said you need to go home, so he bought you a ticket."
[You have no idea how thankful I am for that, Grandpa!! love you!!!]
I spent every night cuddling with MJ, which was awesome, and I got to see the whole family when we all met up at the grandparents' place after Christmas, and it was just so much fun, and so relaxing, and I'm really going to push myself to go home at least for a little bit in August before school starts again, because I really do miss them, and though I'm sure they love me, too, it's more likely that I'll be the one taking the effort to go see them...this is nothing against my family, but it kind of seems like they don't care as much when they're in the thick of things because they just don't get as lonely as I do...
Which makes me wonder, Jess, how do you do it? I know you've got Eric and the kids, but that can't be enough when you're in a 'hicktown,' can it?
(And no offense to hicktowns, I think they're great and would love to live in one myself someday, but they're also really detached from everything else, so it can't be easy to suddenly find yourself stuck there when you're not used to that type of atmosphere)

Wonderful as visiting family was, though, I was eager to get back to school, and eager to get to know my friends better, and to go places...and to drive places...that I couldn't because, since I hadn't driven it in awhile, my car battery decided it wouldn't work.
And though I asked, schedules never matched up, so no one was ever able to jump my car, until last night, after an epic girls' night (kudos to Janie and Travis for making it awesome!!), and then, with Frankenstein crying out "It's alive!!" inside my head, I drove around, made sure it was running at least forty minutes, and then finally did some shopping for the groceries I so desperately needed --I love peanut butter and oatmeal, but variety is nice, and I missed my milk!-- and I felt like I ruled the world, queen of the road...
Until I put the groceries in the car and tried to start it, and then Bones said "She's dead, Jim!"
OMHolyness, I wanted to scream...
Instead, I kicked the car, and broke off some of the plastic over the bumper (sorry, Sylvie, I really do love you!!), and then a lovely young couple parked near me and stepped out of their vehicle and asked, "Do you need any help?"
Yes, please, and I don't care if you're strangers, because half of the people that could help are out of town for break, and the other half are sleeping (this is about one in the morning), and I'm stubborn and would probably rather walk than risk waking them up and getting them mad at me...my friend Jessica scolded me today when she found out I accepted a ride from strangers, so I promise, I won't do it again!!
But they were nice, they had awesome music, and did I ever mention I love the smell of cigarettes?
So it was a nice calm ride back to campus, and I did have my groceries, plus I now have a charger that I can plug in inside without needing another car to jump me, so I let it charge all night and found a ride early this afternoon with the lovely Katie, and Frankenstein again cried "It's ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!"
[Much more enthusiasm today, I think, lol]
And I discovered that it wasn't due to non-use like I originally thought, but that I'd apparently hit the switch to keep the lights on, and yeah, that'll about do it when your battery's low already and getting old...I like the charger, but it's sinking it that I'll probably have to really replace the battery sometime soon, but we'll get to that when we get to it, yes?

And um...what else is going on?
I'm in a play...
I'm dying my hair...
I'm writing a song for my brother Jay...
And I'm almost out of peach tea, but I've got several other flavors, plus the original Lipton (can't go wrong with a classic, can we?), so I think I'm good...
Yeah, I'm good....

And I hope the rest of you are as well!!
Love you, God bless, thanks for reading...

♥

♥

♥

Four-score and forever ago...

I forgot that I had a blog.
Shame on me?
What can I say...sorry, I guess, though I doubt you missed me, because I'm hard to understand, and even give myself a headache at times, so...yeah...
So what to say, then?
Start from now and go backwards, or start from summer and go forwards? What's freshest? Well, that's an easy question...what's easiest to write about, though? That's where things get...interesting...ahaha...

On my desk is the book Sunshine, by one Robin McKinley, author of such great stories as Spindle's End and Beauty and Deerskin, and I greatly look forward to the time when I have enough money to buy her newest volume, Pegasus --or perhaps I'll just wait until it's in paperback, so I'll get it cheaper. I digress...the point is Sunshine. An epic story of love and mystery and Death by Chocolate and what, in my opinion, the Twilight Saga could only dream of being. I've got a thing for vampires, you know? However, like the title character, I also have a thing for 'sunshine,' which, unfortunately, I am lacking in.
Point one: I moved back into the dorms, the upper-classmen dorms, known as 'Rimview,' and it's all lovely, and my roommates are great, and I just like being here. And everything fits into my room, from the piano and three guitars (four if you count the bass) to the Christmas tree and my forty-plus dresses. Great, and lovely, and surprisingly uncramped...though I tend to hit my head on the ceiling if I'm not careful, but that's neither here nor there. No, the only problem is in looking out my window, I have a great view of the courtyard, whether it be green and bright or snowy and dark, and I can see everything that's happening within the dorm, if I choose to do so...and I can see the sunshine that, due to my poor choice of rooms, does not even touch my window, no matter the time of day. Perfection...
Point two: while it's been surprisingly warm weather this fall, I still have had the heater on in my own room since early October. I'm sure my roommates are grateful that it's a small personal one, and that I'm not turning up the heat in the entire unit. As I told my friends the other day, I am a northern girl with southern sensibilities; i.e., I get cold unless it's eighty degrees out. And, since the sunlight doesn't reach my room, I'm even colder, having no outside source to absorb.
Point three: I repeat, the weather has been surprisingly warm this fall. But just this last Thursday, winter descended upon us, and it's snowing...and snowing...and snowing...and even when it stops, I haven't seen hair nor hide of the sun in days. I hope my next living space has at the very least a better window set-up.
Sunshine, I love you, and I'll be back for you someday, so please don't forget me!!

I've been feeling lonely the last...however long it's been. I spent the whole summer away from home, though with Johanna and Jordan, who I consider extended family, so it was nice, and though I'm rather asocial most of the time, we still had good times together.
And then, the summer was over, and I went home...for only two, maybe three days? And then it's back to school, and I was looking forward to winter break, going home, recharging from lack of family...I'm like Nodame without Chiaki...give me at least a shirt that smells like you, please!! But, well, money is tight, winter weather is rough on driving, and though a flight would give me extra time --five hours travel-time versus sixteen-- it would also double the cost, and a train would only make the road issues disappear, and so...I'm not going home. And I realize, then, that if you think about it, it's been almost a year since I've been at home. I was there for a month after spring semester, true, and there are those three days between summer and fall semester, but I was almost a guest in my own house. Heck, that month I was home, I didn't even really have a room to myself, having Eli's stuff in there, and then I'd sleep more often in MJ's bed with her instead...trying to do that 'recharging' I mentioned. And it's the same for those three days. It's been understood in my mind that I really have moved out, even if it's only to the dorms, and that home will never be home again...which makes me feel homeless.
So I'm lonely.
Haha.
Who'd have thunk?
And yes, I've got friends here, and I have graciously accepted invitations to Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations where I know I'll feel the outsider, but it's better than being alone, isn't it? I'm really trying to lessen my alone time, because I sink into these funks and don't do a thing...bad, bad, bad...
The school counselor thinks, if I don't improve, I should get some meds...which makes me really want to laugh, because, heck, I'm the bouncy, annoying, cheerful, and ditzy cheerleader, aren't I? People tell me to be calm, and try to mellow out, and it just doesn't work, and if I try, then I'm depressed, so I just go back to bouncy...and the bouncy girl needs antidepressants, yay...haha, seriously, though, what's wrong with this picture?
God, it's hard being here...and so I'm going to ask if you'll all contribute something to my Christmas tree, whether it be a candy cane to decorate or a present to sit beneath, so then I'll have some physical knowledge that I'm not alone...is that wrong to ask?
I sound pathetic, I'm sure, but I laugh as I'm writing, so I figure I'll be okay; I just thought I should be honest, because not talking about it makes it worse, according to me, and according to the counselor, and according to the academic advisor, and according to the history and piano teachers...nice to know people are concerned, though I hate it when I overhear a conversation like "Emma's depressed, isn't she?"
Damn right I am, and you just made it worse, thank you very much...
And now I'm ranting, so I'll move on...

I decided to change my major.
I've been into the history and English side of things, and of course, I still am; I love reading and writing stories, and I've found I'm actually pretty good at writing papers if I put my mind to it, and there's still that tiny part of me that thinks being a librarian would be cool...
But music is my life. And even if I fall behind in history and English, I never have, and never will do so in music, because it's just so important, and it's much more engaging to me than anything else I've ever done, and so...
"Hello, my name is Emma, and I'm a music performance major, with a focus on piano and composition."
It's really cool, and really intense, and yes, I practice four to five hours a day...or is it three to four? I can't count, haha...but this is it. And I know it is, because God told me so...
...
Wish he'd talk to me about other things too...oh, well, I just gotta pay attention more n listen.

I'm not always eating right, but I'm trying to take my vitamins every day. I have a meal-plan, and almost always get to lunch these days, especially since it's fifty meals the whole semester and I have more than there are days left in the school year, due to...um...depressing moments, I guess. I could have sworn I was gaining weight this semester, but I'm perfectly even to what I was last year at this time. That's a good thing, I suppose...though I still gotta eat better...but I'm making my own food in the dorm when I don't get to the cafeteria, and it's edible if not tasty. I'm going for healthy versus taste, and cheap versus everything. Who said I can't be sensible? I've resolved not to give into temptation and buy candy anymore. I keep peppermints handy, though, because they help me to stay awake...which is crazy, but true. (Thanks, Mic, for the advice!!) And then, for the rest of the time, I've got a part-time job at Subway, which gives me one free meal per shift, so I can have taste a few times a week, haha...tea is a major part of my diet, and though this always makes me think of Dad, it's the one thing that concerns home that doesn't make me miss home. Weird...
If I were to ask for a care-package, I'd probably want peanut butter, pasta, and some oatmeal cookies... =]
But I can get the first two for myself, and I have friends with ovens --wish I had a DORM with them-- so I can make those myself, if I have time...
What I really need are a bunch of quick, easy recipes that will cover the basics, like proteins, dairies, grains, etc, but be able to buy the ingredients in under ten dollars...those exist, right? Or I could just keep making goulash, and mixing tuna in with my macaroni and cheese...like I said, cheap and healthy over taste...though those could be healthier, I think...
Or, I know, if you're in the area, take me out for lunch!! yay!! haha...

On the matter of health, some of you know, some of you do not, but I was losing feeling in my right hand the last two months. A scary thing, especially considering my change of major. And scary, too, that the doctors have no idea what it is. I've been to the doctor more in the last month and a half than I have my entire life...or it seems like it. For the record, I hate doctors. I will look up my symptoms online, take vitamins and natural supplements to heal, and when I have kids, home-births all the way...doctors are bad!!
(And if you're a doctor, it's not you personally, I hate, just your profession, so don't feel bad, okay?)
Anyway, so it's been a concern, and I wouldn't have seen the doctors if I hadn't realized it wasn't going away and I had no idea how to make it so...go figure that they don't have any ideas, either. Another reason why I shouldn't have gone in the first place.
However, the last appointment I had, they said, though they don't know what causes it, it's clearly getting better...praise the Lord, right?

Which brings me to my next point...
I have found a church that I like, in the Heights, called City Church, and it's a lot like Hope back home, which is cool. Also, though not a factor of my liking it, but Pastor Kalen looks and sounds like Alec Baldwin...no kidding. Though, he's probably a little heavier, and his voice is a tad lighter, but I'd swear they were related...
The people there are really nice, though, and the pianist is great, the music is very up-lifting and inspiring, and I can really feel the presence of God there, which I couldn't in some of the other churches I've been in...and I wonder why that is? Hmm...anyway, so they have these cards you can fill out, concerning whether you're a first-timer or a regular or whatever, and on the back, they have a spot for prayer requests, and I figured to myself, why not put that issue with my hand down?
And I've noticed, that the 'getting better' the doctor mentioned, starting happening shortly after that...guess all I needed was God, huh?
Unfortunately I'll miss service tomorrow, due to work conflicts, but I'm pretty sure I've found where I'm supposed to be, and that's a relief, let me tell ya...
I hope I can be a positive addition to the church body.

Hmmm...
I kind of don't want to talk about how the rest of summer went...
It was good, of course, just...I feel like when I left, I closed a door, and I don't want to open it right now...
This is the important stuff, anyway, so it works...

Hope everyone is well, as always, prayers are appreciated, care packages are more appreciated, and nice hefty check is best <3
(HA!)
Love you all, stay warm...

Adventures in Dishwashing...

As you may or may not know (but soon will either way), I am working at Yellowstone National Park this summer. Wide open spaces, new friends (and old, as I will explain later), and a great opportunity to try out my camera skills.
As you also may or may not know (same rules apply), I'm working in the dish-pit. In other words, I get to spend eight hours a day washing away what all the spoiled rich people who come to the resort decide they don't want to eat.
And ouch, was that a little harsh? Maybe, maybe, moving on...
Or actually, let's back up a little, shall we?
Last year, must have been summer, hanging out with my friend Johanna (don't pronounce the 'h' please!), and she was saying how she didn't really want to spend another summer at home. College gives you a sense of freedom, I suppose, and at our age, maybe it's about time we get out, right? So we started thinking, started planning...and found ourselves (plus her boyfriend Jordan, nice kid, strange, but like I said, nice), sending in applications to work at Xanterra Parks & Resorts in Yellowstone. And crazy enough, we all get in, which is first, yay, and second, YAY, and third...
I'm babbling, aren't I?
Anyway, cut the story short, just over a week ago, we set out from our 'home base' of Minnesota, and camped in the Badlands, the Black Hills, and just outside of Yellowstone before arriving for orientation and training on the 10th. Things are simple enough, we're all in the same dorm, Jo and I share the same room, and we're making friends everywhere we go, and when I get my first day off tomorrow, I just might (MIGHT) do a little hiking. Not sure where I'll go, but I'm going, and, oops, going to take my FIRST picture from this entire trip.
Lame, yeah, but I'm so not interested in pictures of monuments and memorials and really, the Badlands aren't all that cool, okay? Been there, done that...I do regret no pictures in the Black Hills, but I'm sure I'll be back another time.
As to the actual work I'm doing, let me tell ya...not all it's cracked up to be. We have burns and pains and broken glass, and ooh, pretty, but ouch, cuz I need to get a bright turquoise bandaid. I'm a bit clumsy, but working on it, and doing okay, getting more common sense, but sometimes, it's hard to stay sane doing the same thing for eight hours, so I try to alleviate my boredom in certain ways...
Ahem...
Singing any song that comes into my head, for instance. The Beach Boys, Relient K, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Spice Girls, the Beatles, Aerosmith, Britney Spears, anything from Disney's The Princess & The Frog...okay, so clearly anything goes, right? And if I hear someone else singing something (rare, but it happens), that song will be stuck. Or if they say something that happens to be a line from a song, then that will be stuck. And sometimes it gets repetitive, and so I think to myself, when I'm done, I'll listen to something else on my computer and all will be awesome...only then I put on classical piano, and guess what? No words!! Duh...
Today I was particularly enchanted by the bubbles in the sink. Bubbles are awesome, one of my favorite things, and how can you not agree when there's a rainbow in EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE??? Cool, right? And so I scoop some into my hand, admire them a moment, and then...CLAP!! And bubbles everywhere. Most think I'm crazy, but the girls seem to understand. And today, also, we had a 'bubble incident' as well, but totally not my fault!! We use this white fusion detergent, and we ran out while I was on break, and some chucklehead said to use the purple fusion (which is really about the coolest shade of purple in the world, to be honest), but I noticed, after awhile when I came back that things were starting to...um...overflow? And I mean like whoa...bubbles ALL OVER...and how come I'm the only one to pay attention? Gee...but yeah, so we had a little fun with the bubbles, but then had to drain the machine, rinse it out, find the right detergent, and let it cycle a bit to make sure the bubbles went away, because our glassware was becoming a little spotty and not so pretty...haha...but lovely fun, anyway, and I was kind of glad for the excuse to put everything on hold for a bit.
Did I mention it's EIGHT HOURS of washing DISHES?
And yeah, okay, I know I'm rambling, but I feel it's okay, because you know what? It's been forever, and though none of you show it or say anything, I'm sure you've missed my randomness, so be thankful I started writing again, okay??
Alright...
Calm...
Deep breaths...
Tomorrow is my first day off, did I tell you? Oh yeah, I did...wow...
Need my rest, I think.
Another time then...
Love...

Another Monday...

But different.
Why?
No school!!!
No English, no History, no nothing...
Ah...
And yet...
I miss it already...
It's weird being home...
And contrary to popular belief, there is NOT more snack-food here than at school...
Sigh...
With the exception of a few cookies for Dad, Mom's kind of been on a healthy kick for the last how long? and so there's not much that can appease my sweet tooth and other cravings...though amazing, there is ice cream, so perhaps...huh...
It's also kind of chilly here, and it tweaks me out, cuz, hello, what month is it? May? Right, just checking...but it was snowing in Billings when I left, so perhaps it's better here, since it's only been raining. Though that drives me crazy, too, because it's a cold rain. I'm convinced the only place that has warm rain is Omaha. I could play in the rain all I want, and all I'd end up as is soaking wet. But come to the 'Great State of Minnesota' (gag me) and not only am I soaking wet, I'm FREEZING as well...gee, take the fun out of puddles, why don't ya?
But wait a minute, wait a minute...
I'm twenty-two, going on twenty-three...
Girls my age...
Wait...
Women my age do not jump in puddles.
Well, damn.
Ah, the joys of growing up, haha...

So clearly I made it home in one piece...though I swear I was hallucinating that last hour...and then I found the perfect song to keep me awake.
I been around the world in the pouring rain
Feeling outta place n feeling strange
Take me to a place where they know my name
Where EVERYONE knows my name...
And yeah, the bouncing beat kept me going, and I took some video, but well, it may be used as evidence for wreckless driving, so I'm afraid I can't publish it, but simply imagine my crazy bouncy dancing...inside a car...behind the wheel...and remind yourself to never let me drive with your kids in the backseat!! Haha...
Despite that, though, I found myself pulling up the drive around two am, and I've spent the last few days unpacking, doing laundry, and making sure my friends know I'm home...
And apparently I have a lot more friends than I thought, because quite literally everyone wants to see me...yay? But not so much as well, because the time is so short, and how am I going to fit it all in without going crazy or bankrupt or...but, well, wait just a minute. And realize that you'll be waiting an extra two weeks before you go off to your summer job in Yellowstone...
(How is it, being an English major, I can let myself get away with person change? Keep it first, keep it second, keep it third, but don't mix and match!!)
But anyway, there is time, more than I thought, so I'm going to make it all work, and I will strive to keep my sanity throughout...
...
And pray that the nightmares are only this bad because I'm in a 'new place' and that will fade within the week back to the regular run-of-the-mill nightmares I've grown to love, haha...

So, it's Monday, and I'm excited and tired and wondering what to do...
Any ideas for a starting point?

Lookie lookie!!

My friend wrote me a poem!!!
It's kind of epic, I think...
But, hey, Tansy, if you want to see a photo, get your butt on Facebook and check out my 'artistic' file!!
Lol though she described it quite nicely, I thought...

Anyway...
So I'd like to say "If you're in the area tonight..."
Only none of you are!!
Geez...
But, well...
Tonight I'm performing in a short skit called "Children in Their Own Write," which takes letters and interview from Bill Adler, Art Linkletter, Shari Lewis, etc, and we put them into a fun little format, and I'm the only female of the group, and it should be really fun and goofy...
And I'm kind of nervous.
I mean, the last time I did something like this was in seventh grade?
Ancient history, my friend...
But, well, I'm sure it'll be great, and I'm really glad for the opportunity, glad that my friend asked for help (it's part of his senior project), and I'm glad it's tonight, because I can't wait for it to be over...haha...

Also, um...
I want to come back to school next fall.
But, um...
I really suck.
I tried...
And I failed...
And I tried to unfail...
And, um, not so good...
I really thought I was okay...
But I really suck...
Forgive me, friends and family, for not living up to expectations...
Just cuz I'm smart doesn't mean I'm not stupid...
I really want to come back...
But, well, I've got this summer job thing, so I could save that for tuition, and I can get a loan probably, so...yeah...we'll see, right? We'll see...

Anyway, happy Saturday, and hope you're all having a great day!!
Love ya...

The view from my window...

Is, okay, not the greatest...
That is to say, it's been dreary all day, not a lick of sunshine, and I haven't seen the football team for at least a week...sadness!! Haha...
But seriously...
I was up until...whenever it was...the other day...and I was writing something (probably not the paper I was supposed to be working on), and I happened to glance toward the window...
And made a frantic search for my camera while trying not to wake up my roommate next door...

God's kind of awesome, isn't he?

Hope you're all enjoying life...
Lord knows I'm trying...

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

So I had this idea to list all the things I'd do over if I had the chance...
But then it occurred to me...
A) It might be a tad melancholy, and what was my last post? Variety is needed, please!
B) It's kind of dumb to dwell on the past, since even if I want a do-over, I obviously can't, right?
So instead, I'm taking the word of a lovely woman I've never met, and going to figure out what I want to do in the future...
Ahem.
(And since I kind of like the organization of lists...)
In no particular order...
1. I would like to write to my grandma Hazel more often, as well as my Aunt Myra, my brother Jay, and my friend Beau. Even if they don't write back.
2. My writing needs improving, not just for fiction fun, but for real reports (hmm, nice alliteration maybe? haha), and so I want to perfect my skills, and maybe rewrite everything...well, not necessarily everything, of course, I'm not setting impossible goals. Just see if there are some select pieces that I feel I can improve, and share with the world (or whoever's listening at the moment).
3. I'm giving up Oreos. Wow, I know. I just finished a package a minute ago, and it's occurred to me how much money I'd have if I never bought them...it also makes me wonder just how many Oreos I've had in my lifetime...can I count that high?
4. On the subject of money, I think, at least while here in Montana, I should start buying 2% milk instead of whole, because unlike at home, it's about a dollar more expensive. And just because I'm picky. Tsk, tsk...
5. I'm going to study math like hard-core this summer so I can test out of it for next term. This is an absolute must!!
6. I'm going to slowly change out my wardrobe. I have a lot of juvenile dumb things, and there's a certain image I'd like to portray, and I can't quite pull it off when I look like a twelve-year-old. Not to say there won't still be the crazy Emma we all know and love...I've been practicing different hairstyles =] but otherwise, I'm going to be setting aside money for maybe one or two new pieces a month.
7. No matter whether it's a lightning bolt of just a subtle interest, I'm going to find a church in Billings and go to it every week. And this summer when I've got that job in Yellowstone, I'm going to go to church as well, even if I have to go Catholic. I need someone smarter than me teaching me this stuff...
8. I'm going to start running again. I've done it a little bit this semester, but nothing hardcore, and I need to feel like I'm getting in shape. Plus, it's a great time to gather my thoughts, and I can have pretty good conversations with God while I'm at it, also.
9. Speaking of God, I really want to study what kind of woman he wants me to be, like in Proverbs, or like the Mary's of the New Testament (mother of Jesus, Martha's sister, Magdalene), or Ruth and Esther, two of my favorites. I kind of have this feeling, the closer I get to the 'ideal' the closer I'll get to God, and the better I'll be for the one He's got for me.
10. I've been writing a song for piano, and I'd really like to get that finished. I don't know how much time over the summer I'll have to play, or if there's even a piano at my disposal, but I really want to finish something I've started, and this is a project I can see an end to.
11. I'd also like to get better at the bass guitar...but I'll put that on hold since I brought it with me to school and only found time to play it once...
So maybe I should have stopped at ten?
There are other things, but there's nothing wrong with starting small, isn't it?
Small or large, though, it's time to break out of this slump...
Don't wish me luck, just pray, okay?

Loser Gone Wild
...but in evening when the sun goes down
Crawl from the shadows gotta get into town
Where the music is playing all across the night
And every cloud disappears from sight...

Intro in the Middle

Hello, my name is Emma, I'm probably not as old as my profile says I am (if it says at all), and I'm a college student. I live in a suite-style dorm, so I get my own room, and I definitely need it, because I am a M-E-S-S. Laundry and dishes are surprisingly calming...but I rarely have time to calm down, so they don't get done. I listen to all sorts of music, and I sometimes wonder where it all came from, but I just keep rockin' through, whether it's funk, pop, trance, classic rock, piano or electric guitar. I'm learning how to knit and am making a scarf for one of my best friends (even though it's getting warmer), and I've decided knitting is a very logical activity. This goes there and does that and if you mess this up you can always fix it with that. I've been wearing a lot of dresses and skirts lately, mostly due to the warm weather, though my usual 'uniform' is jeans and a t-shirt. I'm supposed to be on a budget, but the other day I cheated and bought some cookies, because I've got serious cravings for sugar like all the time. I write for the school newspaper but not always very well; in fact the next issue is sure to be severely lacking, and that makes me sad, but I can't find the time to make it awesome, what with classes ending in a mere two weeks. I draw, mostly video game characters, because if I try to do something off the top of my head, it's flat and boring. My car, a beat-up Blazer I call Sylvie, is probably on her last legs, and I plan on driving over three thousand miles this summer, so I'm thinking I should get a tune-up or something before I do. I have two 8x10 pictures of my ex-boyfriends for comparisons and so I can psychoanalyze my choices, but I tend to forget they exist and just leave them in the folder they came in, making me wonder why I bothered in the first place. I love the color red but will surprisingly be found to wear a lot more black or blue, perhaps because those fade into the background easier. Despite the urge to fade, I will be found wearing clothes that reveal one or both of my tattoos in the hopes that someone will stop me and ask about them. Even though I'm not superstitious, I practice like I am, and will follow patterns said to make things work out. I don't step on cracks, and if I do, it's an accident, and you'll see me wince every time. I have big dreams, out-of-this-world goals, and I don't see them ever being accomplished because I'm more lazy than anything else. Drinking tea keeps me sane while at the same time reminding me of home, so I get melancholy. I'm allergic to amoxicillin, which makes me wonder what would happen if I took penicillin. I'm nearly blind without my glasses, and my eyes get worse as I age; I figure I'll be blind by the time I'm thirty. But that's okay, because I've discovered I can play almost anything on the piano with my eyes shut, and I've got a good ear for mistakes. I don't go to church, not because I don't believe, but because I can't find one I like. Sometimes I will listen to sermons from home online, but I don't think of it too often. I've been told I should try out for the school plays, but I'm not sure I'll have time next year, however it's an intriguing idea, and since it was the theatre teacher that told me so, I'm thinking I may have a shot. I like to write short stories, and longer ones without endings, and I used to think that you just sent in your manuscript and someone would buy it, but apparently you have to pay for the production yourself; therefore I will never be published, at least nowhere but on the great wide world we call the internet. And the school paper, I suppose I can't forget that. My big thing right now is to be 'a man of my word,' which is harder than it sounds. I'm practically incapable, mostly because the truth is embarrassing, and so I'd rather not say anything...but a lie of omission is still a lie, isn't it? On that subject, the real reason I decided to go back to school is because I want to get married. I don't want an education. I don't want a degree. I don't want a career. I want a family. And when I prayed about it, God told me he was here in Montana, so here I am. It's nice that God talks to me, but sometimes I wish that He would be a little clearer, and help me figure out how to do things without going through all these hoops. It's funny, though, because I have a feeling that I won't be here for very long, so I wonder what I was thinking going along with it in the first place...only when God says go, you're supposed to go, right? I'm struggling with a lot of things right now, and I'm very grateful that the semester is almost over so I can go home. And I'm also grateful for the summer job I have with two of my very good friends out at a resort in Yellowstone. I know it's going to be a wonderful experience, and hopefully I can save my money and pay for some of my schooling myself. And I pray that I can find a job next semester as well, so I can pay back my Mom for the school-books she paid for this time around, as well as the food and gas it took to get out here, and my insurance...yikes. And also to pay back my grandparents, since I really do need their help, but I'm not worthy, so it's more like I'll be asking for a loan, because I'm not good enough to just get a free ride. I don't know what I'll live off of next semester if I do that, but I'm sure I'll survive, and even as skinny as I am, I can still lose ten pounds that I've gained this time around, so it'll be okay I think...I hope. And I think, considering the mess that is my room and my life and such, that I'm going to just throw everything I own out the window...that is to say, I'm getting rid of everything but clothes, my laptop and school books. I can't do anything else, and I don't need it either.
Hmmm...
This isn't quite the tone I was going for.
I apologize for spilling it all out on you.
I would keep it to my diary, only I need to fool myself into believing that someone else is listening.
Thank you for that.

Enjoy life...

What I am...

"You're eccentric, not insane. You'd have to be normal to be insane."

Thank you, Michael...
(For the record, that sounds like a compliment and an insult in one!)

What I am, actually, is flattered...
I was proposed to tonight.
Now don't freak out, it wasn't for real.
(Or I don't think so.)
And I'm not even sure how we got on the conversation.
All of a sudden, JM turns to me and asks, "Emma, would you do my the honor of becoming my beloved wife?"
Wow...
Laughter...
Pause...
Then "What do you believe?"
Pause on his part, as well as his friends, before "That's a very deep question."
"Well, you're looking to get into a very deep relationship."
"Good point..."
Funny, but he actually expected a serious answer from me, despite the joking atmosphere. And after a few questions, to which he gave the surprisingly correct answers to, I did decline, saying that we'd have to go on a few dates before he got to that point. More in his favor, his took the rejection honorably, and even helped me to stand from out sitting area on the floor, and took his friends' teasing quite well I thought...
Alas, he's younger, and a video-gamer, and just not my type...
But it was flattering, as I said.
And he's so adorable...
I'm gonna love teasing him this week... =]

Life is fun, sometimes...I can't wait to see what it brings me next...

Neighbors should treat each other nice...

So I have a friend that started a blog recently, and it's more like she writes story bits and stuff, but anyway, she's convinced that no one but me is reading what she has to say!! I told her that couldn't possibly be true and that there's probably some weird guy that discovered her via this great thing called internet, and that he's probably told all his weird friends...and the cycle goes on. However, she would feel much more confident if she knew there were some sane (or at least not that kind of weird, haha) people reading it as well, so I told her I'd tell all of you...
And she thanks you very much for your support. =]
If you say so, I'm not a girl...
She's actually kinda cool, I wanna steal her ideas haha, and she reminds me of...me.
That is to say, she also likes butterflies, and uses the word 'whatever' way too much.
(though I think I've been better on that lately, don't you?)
Anyway, give her a read, give her a shout, and she'll probably thank me by buying me ice cream or something...

Enjoy life... =]

Sweet Dreams...

So I was extraordinarily tired yesterday...
Why?
Because I got up with the alarm...
And stayed up.
Doesn't happen these days, no clue why, I'm just a bad kid, I guess...
ANYWAY...
So I noticed then, that every time I stopped focusing, I'd find myself almost falling off my chair.
Not good, right?
Especially in the middle of the dining room...
So I got back to my room after dinner, then, and I was trying to work on my homework, and even to catch up on some internet stuff, but it just wasn't working; my interest was such that I felt myself fading in and out, and though I've fallen asleep in my desk chair before, it's not a comfortable experience!! So I really wasn't looking forward to a repeat...and instead I decided to take my friends' advice and just get some sleep. I figured a small nap or something, considering it's only 6:30, so I stripped off my shirt and climbed under the covers and sank...
Quite lovely, really.
And then, the next time I open my eyes, it's light out.
Did I sleep for an hour?
Twenty minutes?
Not at all...
I slept for twelve hours...
Oh joy...
There goes my homework plans, huh?
But I feel refreshed, and I'm hoping today's going to be an awesome day...

My sister, the Genius...

So you may or may not know, my sister Jessie does a lot of digital scrap-booking (you can see her stuff here) and I was thinking I love it, but also thinking I'm too lazy and untalented to do it myself, so I asked, sent a few ideas, and voila...

This is so totally me!! Haha, I knew it was a good one to send...
And also, we have...

Ah, the joy of the masquerade ball...(and yes, I had a mask, but I wasn't wearing it at this point!)...

Jessie, you rock my world, I love you, thank you so much!!!