I'm not quite to that point. :)
Do you ever hear music that totally makes your day...but then makes you want to bawl your eyes out?
I've got a couple of those songs goin' right now...
"At Least We Made It This Far" by Relient K
"Fine" by Jaymes Reunion
"God In This Moment" by Gavin Mikhail
"Bella's Lullaby" by Carter Burwell -- think "Twilight" soundtrack
"Tell Me Baby" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
And, of course, several others but I don't know all there names or have the inclination to find out at this point...
So, I hit a bit of a low point this morning.
I had some dreams, I call them nightmares, but it's only a nightmare that I wake up from the confusion and chaos I sleep with. Which is rather awkward, considering that it's not the recent ex I dreamed about but the first...though the recent was there early on, but for some reason about midway through the dreaming process I switched...but I'm thinking, the reason I preferred the switch over not is that thinking of one is less painful than thinking of the other. Not that I relish the confusion, exactly, but it's easier to handle than waking up in pain, jolted from a faded fantasy, trying not to cry because I don't want to wake anyone up when I inadvertently turn up the volume.
Anyway, so I wrote a poem, then, on my MySpace blog...it's actually quite good, if you get past the whole depression thing, haha...and I was going to make you look for it, but I think I'll be kind and put it right here, if you'll wait just a moment...
[31 Dec 2008 Wednesday]
Just enough to make me wonder...
Current mood: AbMis*
I find it hard to sit
Alone in life's exhibit
The tears pour down
And all around
And I can't wonder why
Is this what it is to die
But I shake it all off
Hide those thoughts in the loft
Of my oh-so-weary mind
That's been cruel to and unkind
For the dreams can't seem to stop
Am I on bottom or on top?
And the funny thing, I know
Is that this entire show
Isn't necessarily about HIM
But rather some silly whim
Of what I'd like to do
To be, to see, and with whom?
And the situation complicates
Making me want to break plates
For it's you and me and they
Can't decide to go or stay
Do you want to play with me?
Or leave me feeling empty
Like a bottle by my bed
I'll stop my aching head
And throw it all out
Even if it makes me shout
Because somehow it seemed
That a single small dream
That could rip me all apart
With one drink didn't start
But just my imagination
The train stops at my station
And it's all even worse
Could my life be cursed?
The sights, the sounds
They're all around
I see his face
In every place
And I get confused
I'm feeling used
This fatal attraction
Might be my last action
But no that's not all
Stories jump out of walls
For there are others as well
And they make time to tell
My dreams what's what
I wish I could shut
Them all off from me
Please just let me be
Get out, GET OUT!
I don't care what you're about!
Just leave me alone!
(I want to go home)
But I sigh because I can't
And it doesn't help to rant
So I'll grab a pen
And maybe then...
But nothing that I write
Seems to leave me whole, not quite
And I wish the silence kept
Before my agile mind leapt
To the only thing that matters
My heart is all in tatters
But my ever-searching mind
Will not stop trying to find
A word that may describe
What's going on inside
Just enough to make me wonder
Would it be better to just go under
Would anybody care?
Would they all sit back and stare?
As if it were a great show?
I think I'd better go...
Before I fall into despair
Oh wait, I'm already there
It is what is is...
I'm feeling 'AbMis.'
*Absolutely Miserable
[9:35 AM]
That's actually a second draft as I lost the first one when I hit a wrong button...go figure...and I almost decided not to write anything...but that made me want to cry more, so...
Feel free to pity me.
God knows I do myself, pathetic as that may be...
But I'm trying.
And I'm sure I'll be fine...
One more song...
"So What" by Pink
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
On the Road Again...
Happy Holidays to you all...
It's been a busy month...
(Retail sucks!)
(Dry-cleaning sucks!)
(Waitressing sucks!)
Okay, so the first, just cuz I had to stay until four in the morning a few nights to clean up...
The second because it seemed slow until the last half hour when it got super busy and I got out late...
The third because people aren't eating out during the holidays in order to buy presents and such...
But, actually, I love all my jobs, so, well, who cares?
...plus I happen to be lucky enough that I had Christmas off in all three areas...
...that, and they like me enough to let me take a month off...
So I drove down to Nebraska, all by myself, barely getting lost, making GREAT time (eight hours vs. ten), plus I left earlier due to some...complications...n I arrived just after four am this morning.
Ouch.
But I had great music the whole way, n I didn't go off road more than once (!), and after the first two or so hours, I didn't have any issues, no freak-outs, no crying fits, nothing.
A good drive, actually.
And, I figured out why I almost ran out of gas last year when I came down here...
Apparently I didn't stop for gas in Omaha but kept going on to Milligan...
Sometimes I'm such a dummy. =)
I'll be here for about a month, helping out and all, making things easier for Jess n taking care of Liberty and all...I'm totally psyched for the whole thing, actually, and I can't wait to meet my new niece or nephew (for those of you who don't know, despite the fact we're thinkin 'boy,' the nurses actually couldn't tell, one thought 'girl,' the other thought 'boy,' etc.). It's nice to be here for the main event, unlike last time where I didn't mean Berti until Christmas.
Speakin of Berti, it looks like I need to get her cleaned up (think cheesy popcorn!), so I'll end now, but I plan on keepin up with this a lot more, so I'll ttyl...
It's been a busy month...
(Retail sucks!)
(Dry-cleaning sucks!)
(Waitressing sucks!)
Okay, so the first, just cuz I had to stay until four in the morning a few nights to clean up...
The second because it seemed slow until the last half hour when it got super busy and I got out late...
The third because people aren't eating out during the holidays in order to buy presents and such...
But, actually, I love all my jobs, so, well, who cares?
...plus I happen to be lucky enough that I had Christmas off in all three areas...
...that, and they like me enough to let me take a month off...
So I drove down to Nebraska, all by myself, barely getting lost, making GREAT time (eight hours vs. ten), plus I left earlier due to some...complications...n I arrived just after four am this morning.
Ouch.
But I had great music the whole way, n I didn't go off road more than once (!), and after the first two or so hours, I didn't have any issues, no freak-outs, no crying fits, nothing.
A good drive, actually.
And, I figured out why I almost ran out of gas last year when I came down here...
Apparently I didn't stop for gas in Omaha but kept going on to Milligan...
Sometimes I'm such a dummy. =)
I'll be here for about a month, helping out and all, making things easier for Jess n taking care of Liberty and all...I'm totally psyched for the whole thing, actually, and I can't wait to meet my new niece or nephew (for those of you who don't know, despite the fact we're thinkin 'boy,' the nurses actually couldn't tell, one thought 'girl,' the other thought 'boy,' etc.). It's nice to be here for the main event, unlike last time where I didn't mean Berti until Christmas.
Speakin of Berti, it looks like I need to get her cleaned up (think cheesy popcorn!), so I'll end now, but I plan on keepin up with this a lot more, so I'll ttyl...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Something Like Crazy...
"I'm not your princess
This ain't a fairy-tale..."
Taylor Swift says it so well...
James broke my heart last night.
He sounded so calm and cool while he did so.
Very straight-faced, as well.
And after I thought about it, very logical, too...
Basically, what it amounts to is that there are things I want to do that he's not ready for, and he doesn't think I should have to wait for him to grow up, so...
We're done.
I didn't have the chance to tell him that I'd realized as much as I wanted to settle down and all that jazz, I wasn't ready to be a Mom. I like the title more than the responsibility. And I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. So, I've decided to go back to school, and get some sort of a degree...
But, as frazzled as I was at that point, I couldn't quite explain that to him, and let him know we had a couple years so waiting for him to grow up would be no hardship, and he just sat there, staring at me, calm and cool and...well, suffice to say, I realized his mind was already made up.
So I tried to contain my tears, mostly succeeded, and gave him a hug goodbye...
And hit him, too, for kissing me when he said hello just a little before.
Not that he felt it.
So...
We're done, it looks like.
He said we might get back together, he was leaving that option open...
But even that didn't stop me from nearly screaming with the pain of it as I cried after he left.
Mom tried to be sympathetic, but she's been telling me how he's not right for me, so I think she's a little smug, too...plus she wasn't too enthusiastic about me crawling into bed with her at one in the morning so I'd stop crying...but, as she said, I am twenty-one, so maybe I'm a bit old for that...
Still can't believe it hurts this much, when we were together for less than 1/4 the time Bryant and I were...and it's kind of funny, too, though, cuz, in my head, before I tell people what happened, I have to remember, "James broke up with me, not Bryant." Cuz I never thought he would I guess...
Everyone tells me I'm young yet, but I've never felt older...
Hope everyone else is doing well...
This ain't a fairy-tale..."
Taylor Swift says it so well...
James broke my heart last night.
He sounded so calm and cool while he did so.
Very straight-faced, as well.
And after I thought about it, very logical, too...
Basically, what it amounts to is that there are things I want to do that he's not ready for, and he doesn't think I should have to wait for him to grow up, so...
We're done.
I didn't have the chance to tell him that I'd realized as much as I wanted to settle down and all that jazz, I wasn't ready to be a Mom. I like the title more than the responsibility. And I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. So, I've decided to go back to school, and get some sort of a degree...
But, as frazzled as I was at that point, I couldn't quite explain that to him, and let him know we had a couple years so waiting for him to grow up would be no hardship, and he just sat there, staring at me, calm and cool and...well, suffice to say, I realized his mind was already made up.
So I tried to contain my tears, mostly succeeded, and gave him a hug goodbye...
And hit him, too, for kissing me when he said hello just a little before.
Not that he felt it.
So...
We're done, it looks like.
He said we might get back together, he was leaving that option open...
But even that didn't stop me from nearly screaming with the pain of it as I cried after he left.
Mom tried to be sympathetic, but she's been telling me how he's not right for me, so I think she's a little smug, too...plus she wasn't too enthusiastic about me crawling into bed with her at one in the morning so I'd stop crying...but, as she said, I am twenty-one, so maybe I'm a bit old for that...
Still can't believe it hurts this much, when we were together for less than 1/4 the time Bryant and I were...and it's kind of funny, too, though, cuz, in my head, before I tell people what happened, I have to remember, "James broke up with me, not Bryant." Cuz I never thought he would I guess...
Everyone tells me I'm young yet, but I've never felt older...
Hope everyone else is doing well...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Just in case you're wondering...
He went home before twelve-thirty...
Lol, but anyway, so today I worked lunch shift again.
Kinda slow, but not completely awful.
It took me until four, though, to get everything cleaned.
I'm not sure if I was distracted or just lazy...
Probably the latter...
But I made sure everything was 'spic and span' so it wasn't a complete waste.
:)
Hmmm...
So I got a text message from James asking what today is...
Wednesday?
The tenth?
David's birthday?
The start of Faith Weavers?
The day before 9/11's seventh anniversary?
And while true, none of those were the answer...
Apparently, it's our 'One-Month Anniversary.'
Go figure, lol...
I'm just astounded that he remembered and I didn't...
No real plans for it, but hey, it's a nice thought, you know?
Btw, this is what I'm lookin at for Halloween...
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
My computer died...
Yesterday while I was writing a blog...
And it looks like none of it came clear...
*sigh*
But that's okay, cuz it was rather uninformative...
Anyway...
So I'm twenty-one.
Kinda weird.
I only had one drink on my birthday.
Visited the grandparents instead of hangin with Ellie (who was grumbling about having to see me drunk, apparently, though I only know this through other family).
But I didn't get drunk, anyway, cuz I'm NOT THAT DUMB!!
Whatever...
Grandma and I went shopping the day after.
I got this funky yellow and pink apron...
I should totally take a picture, lol...
And a book in Swedish.
And a book in English based in Sweden.
Confused?
There are so many cool shops in downtown New London that I didn't even know existed.
Like, there's a pottery shop, where you can actually learn how to throw pottery (not against walls, lol) and I picked up a few cool pieces and I'm thinkin of maybe trying to go back and learn some myself.
There's also a quilt shop, which, though I didn't buy anything at this time, I'm thinking as soon as I get my other projects done, I'm totally heading there to buy everything I need to make the most beautiful blanket in the world...or maybe just the most messed up lol...
And there's a knit shop, and I think I mentioned knitting in one of these blogs? Well, I decided to give it a go, and though there was talk of Grandma actually teaching me, she only helped pick out the yarn and the needles --which is a big help, actually. And the lady there gave me a pattern that's so easy a caveman could do it...
Oops, that's Geico's line, isn't it? Lol...
I went to a baby-shower after all that and it was fun, and I finally met my cousin Brier.
(Not that we'd never met, we probably have, just I couldn't remember her and I was probably really young when I did.)
And I got to catch up with a bunch of the other cousins.
I ate really good food...
That reminds me, I have to email Renita for that recipe...
And I sort of maybe kinda planned a trip to the Boundary Waters (or that area somewhere, I think) for the middle of winter...right before I go to Jessie's in January. It's just tentative at this point, but we've been talkin about it for a couple years, and I thought 'Why not?' I mean how fun, right?
Gotta save for that, then...
I almost fell asleep on the way home.
I didn't.
But I almost did.
Instead, I found my way to the Buffalo High School (NOT on the way home) and found my way home from there. But now I don't have to ask Mom anymore where it is...even if we're all transferring to Rogers after middle school so what would it matter anyway?
Hmmm...
I've seen James every night (and part of the early morning, lol) since I got home...
I'm considering just going to sleep early tonight, though.
Not that I don't want to see him, no.
But I'm really tired...
We have major sleep issues between the two of us, lol...
I can't live on four to six hours, not when I work as much as I have been lately...
Oh, did I mention I'm on lunch shift three days a week instead of two? But at least that means I get afternoons off, I guess...
Anyway...
I think I'm done here...
But first...
I promised a picture...
Ain't he cute? :)
Love you all...
Friday, August 29, 2008
Frozen Music...
seems to be a regular occurrence on my computer...couldn't tell you why, but there it is.
But if I had to have something frozen, why couldn't it be an Oreo mixer?
*Sigh*
Anyway, so I'm working today, having fun (sort of?) but it's really slow and I'm teaching Cheddar the ropes (his real name is Nick, but I can't call them both Nick, can I?) and there's really not much else to do here unless I take up knitting...
Hmmm...
Now there's an idea...
Note to self: ask Mom how to knit when she comes back from Grandma's...
So the last two three days I've been sneezing up a storm, which is alternately funny and annoying as all heck and I'm trying to decide (or figure out) what exactly it is that I'm having this allergic reaction to, and I'm coming to the conclusion...
It's work.
Okay, haha, maybe not specifically, but I think I'm starting to get sick, cuz I work a lot and I worry a lot (about brothers in particular, but I'll touch on that later) and I stay up late, whether to read a good book or to hang out with James, idk, but it's all adding up and I think I may have to take a few days off...
Speaking of days off, I have a few coming up actually, but it's not due to illness...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!
Yeah, like wow, I'm turning twenty-one, how crazy is that?
But so I asked off the day of, this next Friday (how perfect...) and I was gonna probably work the next day at both jobs, but at the cleaners she crossed out my name (I think she's under the impression I'll be incredibly hung over...and she's probably right, lol) and at the restaurant, one of the girls gave her two-weeks-notice for her other job so she'll be working the evening shift I would have taken.
YAY!!
I'll try not to drink too hard, haha, but I don't think there's much to worry about anyway, as Ellie is my designated driver.
THANK YOU ELLIE!!!
Anyway...
So we're thinking Eli might be gettin in trouble tonight.
Not that he's getting fired, he just quit today and starts a new job on Monday.
And not that he's gonna get caught doin drugs or driving without a license or anything like that.
No, it's the fact that he refused to go with my sister when she came to pick him up for his treatment tonight, cuz there are other things to do, supposedly.
And, according to Dad, if he doesn't show tonight, the police will be called, and he gets put in jail.
Which is actually a good thing.
I'm praying for it, believe it or not.
But I hate seeing him be so stupid.
He used to be so smart, you know?
Had all that common sense.
And now?
I can't begin to describe the change.
I miss my brother...
But in his place, we have my sister Jessie visiting this next week, so that should dull the pain...
Haha...
Whatever...
Hope all is well with everyone else, I love you all...
But if I had to have something frozen, why couldn't it be an Oreo mixer?
*Sigh*
Anyway, so I'm working today, having fun (sort of?) but it's really slow and I'm teaching Cheddar the ropes (his real name is Nick, but I can't call them both Nick, can I?) and there's really not much else to do here unless I take up knitting...
Hmmm...
Now there's an idea...
Note to self: ask Mom how to knit when she comes back from Grandma's...
So the last two three days I've been sneezing up a storm, which is alternately funny and annoying as all heck and I'm trying to decide (or figure out) what exactly it is that I'm having this allergic reaction to, and I'm coming to the conclusion...
It's work.
Okay, haha, maybe not specifically, but I think I'm starting to get sick, cuz I work a lot and I worry a lot (about brothers in particular, but I'll touch on that later) and I stay up late, whether to read a good book or to hang out with James, idk, but it's all adding up and I think I may have to take a few days off...
Speaking of days off, I have a few coming up actually, but it's not due to illness...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!
Yeah, like wow, I'm turning twenty-one, how crazy is that?
But so I asked off the day of, this next Friday (how perfect...) and I was gonna probably work the next day at both jobs, but at the cleaners she crossed out my name (I think she's under the impression I'll be incredibly hung over...and she's probably right, lol) and at the restaurant, one of the girls gave her two-weeks-notice for her other job so she'll be working the evening shift I would have taken.
YAY!!
I'll try not to drink too hard, haha, but I don't think there's much to worry about anyway, as Ellie is my designated driver.
THANK YOU ELLIE!!!
Anyway...
So we're thinking Eli might be gettin in trouble tonight.
Not that he's getting fired, he just quit today and starts a new job on Monday.
And not that he's gonna get caught doin drugs or driving without a license or anything like that.
No, it's the fact that he refused to go with my sister when she came to pick him up for his treatment tonight, cuz there are other things to do, supposedly.
And, according to Dad, if he doesn't show tonight, the police will be called, and he gets put in jail.
Which is actually a good thing.
I'm praying for it, believe it or not.
But I hate seeing him be so stupid.
He used to be so smart, you know?
Had all that common sense.
And now?
I can't begin to describe the change.
I miss my brother...
But in his place, we have my sister Jessie visiting this next week, so that should dull the pain...
Haha...
Whatever...
Hope all is well with everyone else, I love you all...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Long Time Gone...
And no, I'm not talkin' bout the Dixie Chicks
(though I admit, that's a pretty song, lol)
It's been about two weeks since I got on here, I guess...
Doesn't seem that long...
And yet it seems longer at the same time...
Crazy?
Or just a little out of it?
Whatever the case, good things have been happening.
First and foremost, it looks like I have a boyfriend.
I know, wow.
His name is James Richard Sullivan, and he's really cool. I met him via Ellie's ex-boyfriend, cuz he's workin on the cars down at the garage with the rest of those crazy people, lol (though he's just learning himself). He's younger than me, which was an issue for about three days, and then on day number four one of my best friends told me her husband was three years younger than her, and they're like perfect for each other.
SO NO CRADLE-ROBBING JOKES!!
He's pretty mature for his age, anyway, while still making me laugh doing something silly like sticking his tongue out at me...and he's sweet, too. Like, for our first date, I get in the truck and I see a bottle of Dr. Pepper sitting on the dash, and my first words are "You hate Dr. Pepper." Which he does, but he knows I love it, so...I was speechless for a bit, haha...
He's pretty creative, too. He likes to draw --mostly dragons apparently, as he's big on fantasy, but I've no problems with that-- and he's written some pretty cool poetry, too, though I don't know how much of that he's been able to do lately as he works a lot. He's got one of those jobs that you have to wake up at four in the morning to get to, so we try to get sleep before midnight...and fail two out of three nights, haha. But don't ask me what he does cuz I couldn't exactly tell you except it involves hot tar...I think...
And now I feel bad that I don't know for sure...
Moving on...
He likes a lot of rock music, most of the harder stuff, I think, but he's got a couple country songs he likes, too, so he's not completely hopeless lol, and he knows that I like country, and he seems the type to want to cater to me (just guessing), so there's a good chance he'll start listening to that more...but then again, I like pretty much everything anyway, so I don't care, as long as it's not all about sex, drugs, and murder...blah...
He drives a truck, which is a plus, and it's a Chevy, which is extra plus, lol, and he's good with directions --I can even understand when he gives them to me. Go figure...
And he thinks I'm cute, which is always nice, lol.
Is he the one?
No idea...
But I'm gonna have fun while it lasts...
(And absolutely no make-out scenes for at least as long as it lasted with Bryant)
More good things...
Cuz my schedule it changing these days, I have two free afternoons (early, that is), when I can visit one of my best friends, her name is Irina, and she has two beautiful children, David who turns two September 22nd, and Anita who will be two months old on September 1st. It's just so much fun talking to her, about life and love and boys --and the fact that she's married and I'm not doesn't really matter-- and she teaches me how to cook things that I'd normally not do, like this cabbage roll thing or these caramel filled desserts or...well, lots of things. And I can always watch a movie while I'm there, even if we're talking through most of it, so it's not a waste that I bought as many films as I have (See Mom??). And I love watching David and Anita grow and helping babysit or anything, it's just so awesome...and we can talk about God and we're not afraid of what the other will say, and prayer is big, so we know we're getting everything you could ever want out of a friendship.
I think everyone needs a friend like Irina.
I've been working a bit different schedule lately, as I may have said earlier, I can't remember...
I work four to five days at the restaurant, sometimes six; two lunch shifts, soon to be three as soon as one of the girls starts school (teaching, not attending), and a couple evening, plus just popping in to help, cuz I love that place and I want it to do really well.
As to the cleaner's, it's about three days a week, and since the shop closes at seven, I can be home at a decent time, or go out with friends (or BOYfriends, lol), or, when I think they need it, I can help out at the restaurant, even taking deliveries, which is pretty cool, cuz I'm getting to know the streets and neighborhoods, etc, pretty well, which is good, of course.
So life is full that way, too...
Piano lessons are on hold until about mid-September (I think my teacher is going out of town for a couple weeks or something, I'm not sure), but that's been going pretty well, and now that we've performed our musical thing at the State Fair (HOW COOL IS THAT??) I can work on other things that don't talk about 'Music, Beads, & Flowers' lol...and I've got some pretty cool things lined up, from George Strait to South Pacific to Shrek...it's gonna be lots of fun, let me tell you...
Now if only I could get my piano back and not have to use the upstairs one...
Tips have been better lately and there are a couple of things I'm saving up for (which I can't name cuz they're mostly top-secret, lol), but it looks like I'll get those things that much faster now, so YAY for me!
And I have a chocolate frosty in front of me that is calling my name, so I think I'll end now, since I sort of lost whatever track I was on, haha...
Hope all is well with the rest of you and God Bless!
(Btw, I do NOT have a pic of James, yet, so be patient!)
(though I admit, that's a pretty song, lol)
It's been about two weeks since I got on here, I guess...
Doesn't seem that long...
And yet it seems longer at the same time...
Crazy?
Or just a little out of it?
Whatever the case, good things have been happening.
First and foremost, it looks like I have a boyfriend.
I know, wow.
His name is James Richard Sullivan, and he's really cool. I met him via Ellie's ex-boyfriend, cuz he's workin on the cars down at the garage with the rest of those crazy people, lol (though he's just learning himself). He's younger than me, which was an issue for about three days, and then on day number four one of my best friends told me her husband was three years younger than her, and they're like perfect for each other.
SO NO CRADLE-ROBBING JOKES!!
He's pretty mature for his age, anyway, while still making me laugh doing something silly like sticking his tongue out at me...and he's sweet, too. Like, for our first date, I get in the truck and I see a bottle of Dr. Pepper sitting on the dash, and my first words are "You hate Dr. Pepper." Which he does, but he knows I love it, so...I was speechless for a bit, haha...
He's pretty creative, too. He likes to draw --mostly dragons apparently, as he's big on fantasy, but I've no problems with that-- and he's written some pretty cool poetry, too, though I don't know how much of that he's been able to do lately as he works a lot. He's got one of those jobs that you have to wake up at four in the morning to get to, so we try to get sleep before midnight...and fail two out of three nights, haha. But don't ask me what he does cuz I couldn't exactly tell you except it involves hot tar...I think...
And now I feel bad that I don't know for sure...
Moving on...
He likes a lot of rock music, most of the harder stuff, I think, but he's got a couple country songs he likes, too, so he's not completely hopeless lol, and he knows that I like country, and he seems the type to want to cater to me (just guessing), so there's a good chance he'll start listening to that more...but then again, I like pretty much everything anyway, so I don't care, as long as it's not all about sex, drugs, and murder...blah...
He drives a truck, which is a plus, and it's a Chevy, which is extra plus, lol, and he's good with directions --I can even understand when he gives them to me. Go figure...
And he thinks I'm cute, which is always nice, lol.
Is he the one?
No idea...
But I'm gonna have fun while it lasts...
(And absolutely no make-out scenes for at least as long as it lasted with Bryant)
More good things...
Cuz my schedule it changing these days, I have two free afternoons (early, that is), when I can visit one of my best friends, her name is Irina, and she has two beautiful children, David who turns two September 22nd, and Anita who will be two months old on September 1st. It's just so much fun talking to her, about life and love and boys --and the fact that she's married and I'm not doesn't really matter-- and she teaches me how to cook things that I'd normally not do, like this cabbage roll thing or these caramel filled desserts or...well, lots of things. And I can always watch a movie while I'm there, even if we're talking through most of it, so it's not a waste that I bought as many films as I have (See Mom??). And I love watching David and Anita grow and helping babysit or anything, it's just so awesome...and we can talk about God and we're not afraid of what the other will say, and prayer is big, so we know we're getting everything you could ever want out of a friendship.
I think everyone needs a friend like Irina.
I've been working a bit different schedule lately, as I may have said earlier, I can't remember...
I work four to five days at the restaurant, sometimes six; two lunch shifts, soon to be three as soon as one of the girls starts school (teaching, not attending), and a couple evening, plus just popping in to help, cuz I love that place and I want it to do really well.
As to the cleaner's, it's about three days a week, and since the shop closes at seven, I can be home at a decent time, or go out with friends (or BOYfriends, lol), or, when I think they need it, I can help out at the restaurant, even taking deliveries, which is pretty cool, cuz I'm getting to know the streets and neighborhoods, etc, pretty well, which is good, of course.
So life is full that way, too...
Piano lessons are on hold until about mid-September (I think my teacher is going out of town for a couple weeks or something, I'm not sure), but that's been going pretty well, and now that we've performed our musical thing at the State Fair (HOW COOL IS THAT??) I can work on other things that don't talk about 'Music, Beads, & Flowers' lol...and I've got some pretty cool things lined up, from George Strait to South Pacific to Shrek...it's gonna be lots of fun, let me tell you...
Now if only I could get my piano back and not have to use the upstairs one...
Tips have been better lately and there are a couple of things I'm saving up for (which I can't name cuz they're mostly top-secret, lol), but it looks like I'll get those things that much faster now, so YAY for me!
And I have a chocolate frosty in front of me that is calling my name, so I think I'll end now, since I sort of lost whatever track I was on, haha...
Hope all is well with the rest of you and God Bless!
(Btw, I do NOT have a pic of James, yet, so be patient!)
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Responsible & Organized
Okay, so normally, those aren't words that you'd link to myself (or at least I wouldn't, haha), but today we had a meeting for all the waitresses, which I organized myself, and so I figured I should get sophisticated and write up an agenda and all that...
And the meeting went off without a hitch!
Okay, so we gabbed a bit more than I'd hoped, and it went a little longer, and one girl couldn't come due to another job...
Still, it was good.
And one of the girls bought Concrete Mixers from Culver's for all of us.
THANK YOU WENDY!!
And we touched on things we were all concerned about, set down some ground rules, and worked on attitude things, etc., and it was just pretty great.
Sometimes it's nice being 'waitress management.' :)
And the meeting went off without a hitch!
Okay, so we gabbed a bit more than I'd hoped, and it went a little longer, and one girl couldn't come due to another job...
Still, it was good.
And one of the girls bought Concrete Mixers from Culver's for all of us.
THANK YOU WENDY!!
And we touched on things we were all concerned about, set down some ground rules, and worked on attitude things, etc., and it was just pretty great.
Sometimes it's nice being 'waitress management.' :)
Friday, August 15, 2008
The best four-plus minutes of the drive...
All from a song written by one of my friends.
There are no words, so I write some of my own, but they don't always work so there are rewrites and fakeouts and mixups...
But it's all pretty cool, and just about makes my day, taking me up from whatever dark mood I might have been at the prospect of leaving 'The Labyrinth', and I start off my work day in a good mood.
Thanks, Beau.
In other news, I'm training in the Nicks today (one blonde, one brunette) and it's quite entertaining, what with rubber band wars, pizza escapades, and the occasional wrong change to the customer.
If only every day could be so much fun, haha...
There are no words, so I write some of my own, but they don't always work so there are rewrites and fakeouts and mixups...
But it's all pretty cool, and just about makes my day, taking me up from whatever dark mood I might have been at the prospect of leaving 'The Labyrinth', and I start off my work day in a good mood.
Thanks, Beau.
In other news, I'm training in the Nicks today (one blonde, one brunette) and it's quite entertaining, what with rubber band wars, pizza escapades, and the occasional wrong change to the customer.
If only every day could be so much fun, haha...
Monday, August 11, 2008
Just when you think you've found the one...
They take you out to lunch and stick you with the bill...
DID ANYONE ELSE KNOW PUBLISHING A BOOK WAS SO FRUSTRATING???
In other news...
I've been up since five this morning.
*GASP!*
And I've been working since six-thirty.
*GASP!* again...
Who knew I had it in me?
Now if only I could get someone to bring me lunch...
DID ANYONE ELSE KNOW PUBLISHING A BOOK WAS SO FRUSTRATING???
In other news...
I've been up since five this morning.
*GASP!*
And I've been working since six-thirty.
*GASP!* again...
Who knew I had it in me?
Now if only I could get someone to bring me lunch...
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Everyday People
Somehow I don't seem to fit in there...
I don't go out for lunch.
I don't get my clothing dry-cleaned.
I don't have a steady nine-to-five job (except for the occasional Saturday).
I don't read or watch the news.
I don't listen to the radio.
I don't wear things that match.
I don't think pink is for girls only.
I don't keep in shape.
I don't keep track of my bills.
Then again, that's only most the time...
I think I'm an "Every Other Day" type of people...
I don't go out for lunch.
I don't get my clothing dry-cleaned.
I don't have a steady nine-to-five job (except for the occasional Saturday).
I don't read or watch the news.
I don't listen to the radio.
I don't wear things that match.
I don't think pink is for girls only.
I don't keep in shape.
I don't keep track of my bills.
Then again, that's only most the time...
I think I'm an "Every Other Day" type of people...
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Drama @ Work...
I work with a lot of great people --my older brother included-- and we're all pretty good together. I mean, sure, we curse every now and then, and things get dropped, but when it gets tight, we're like one person, working to make the customer happy. And such is the maturity in our working together that I often forget the immaturity that comes from being under eighteen --which five of my fellow employees are-- or even being under twenty --which includes three more of the lovely people I work with.
For example, today, I come into work --which was abismally slow-- and Eli follows shortly after and he starts talking about how everyone is being really mean to one of the girls we work with, because it would seem she's a bit boy-crazy. And, though my brother is one of those boys, and despite everything else is NOT stupid enough to sleep with a minor, everyone else thinks they are and so she's getting a lot of snide comments (WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GIRL'S FAULT??) and she came in during lunch and you could tell she was hurt by it all.
So, I ask her about it, not judging, just questioning, and she won't give exact details, so I up and ask "What, do they think you're sleeping with everyone at Angeno's?" to which she replies, "Basically, yeah."
So I come back with, "Where do they get that? I mean, geez, you're not sleeping with me. I feel so left out!"
Laughter ensues, of course, which is what I planned, and I think she felt a little bit better after that.
But really, I can't understand how such great people can say and assume such mean things.
Whatever happened to 'Innocent Until Proven Guilty'?
In other news, I ditched out on a 'date' with one of my guy friends yesterday.
Not because I didn't want to hang out, no, but because I didn't want to hang out for an extended time period. I mean, I was running late already, so it gets to be about five and I was planning on coming back at around seven-thirty, and driving the half hour or so to get there just seemed a waste...
(Plus, I didn't want to risk being steam-rolled into staying longer, cuz I'm sure I'd feel guilty enough to do so after being late.)
However, my time wasn't wasted on doing nothing, as I got to spend some quality time with my baby sister (the one who's taller than me, lol), and I still had a lot of fun...
Oh, and I finished a book, finally.
YAY!!
Anyways, life is still crazy, but I'm finding I'm enjoying it, strangely enough...
With the exception that I have only wrinkled clothes because I don't have time to fold them, haha...
Then again, I'm free this afternoon, so maybe I better go, hmm??
Hope all is well with you.
For example, today, I come into work --which was abismally slow-- and Eli follows shortly after and he starts talking about how everyone is being really mean to one of the girls we work with, because it would seem she's a bit boy-crazy. And, though my brother is one of those boys, and despite everything else is NOT stupid enough to sleep with a minor, everyone else thinks they are and so she's getting a lot of snide comments (WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GIRL'S FAULT??) and she came in during lunch and you could tell she was hurt by it all.
So, I ask her about it, not judging, just questioning, and she won't give exact details, so I up and ask "What, do they think you're sleeping with everyone at Angeno's?" to which she replies, "Basically, yeah."
So I come back with, "Where do they get that? I mean, geez, you're not sleeping with me. I feel so left out!"
Laughter ensues, of course, which is what I planned, and I think she felt a little bit better after that.
But really, I can't understand how such great people can say and assume such mean things.
Whatever happened to 'Innocent Until Proven Guilty'?
In other news, I ditched out on a 'date' with one of my guy friends yesterday.
Not because I didn't want to hang out, no, but because I didn't want to hang out for an extended time period. I mean, I was running late already, so it gets to be about five and I was planning on coming back at around seven-thirty, and driving the half hour or so to get there just seemed a waste...
(Plus, I didn't want to risk being steam-rolled into staying longer, cuz I'm sure I'd feel guilty enough to do so after being late.)
However, my time wasn't wasted on doing nothing, as I got to spend some quality time with my baby sister (the one who's taller than me, lol), and I still had a lot of fun...
Oh, and I finished a book, finally.
YAY!!
Anyways, life is still crazy, but I'm finding I'm enjoying it, strangely enough...
With the exception that I have only wrinkled clothes because I don't have time to fold them, haha...
Then again, I'm free this afternoon, so maybe I better go, hmm??
Hope all is well with you.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Life is crazy...
And I'm understanding Beth's frustration at not having the internet at your fingertips.
(Minus the people yelling at me in Russian, of course.)
I can't decide what to say, life has been so weird...
First off, though, let me apologize...
To Jessie, my beloved sister, for not understanding exactly what it is you're going through, because I don't even know!! I wish you'd have told me, it was a big shock reading it after not having reliable internet for who knows how long...
Just let me say, I'm praying for you, not just that you get through it, but I told God, I'm asking for a MIRACLE! because you deserve one, you need one, and why is it that we're so afraid to ask God for what he so freely gives? So, Jess, don't worry, everything's going to be great, cuz God doesn't work half-assed...
(And maybe I shouldn't swear in the same sentence that I talk about Him in, right?)
Also, I apologize to Beth, for not knowing what's going on with you as well. I think it's just awesome that you even have the opportunity to be over there, and I never thought about all the hardships you might be going through, and I hope that everyone else has been encouraging enough that you forgive my lack thereof. You're such a strong person, and so brave to be over there and I fully believe in your ability to make a difference while you're there.
*Sigh*
Now that my conscience is soothed...
Things that have been going on in my life...
We have a lot of double-shifts.
And don't get me wrong, I love my work, but sometimes I'd just like to sleep. I'm exhausted to the point that in the last few weeks, I've read only five chapters of a book (and you all know how I love to read). And, in Angeno's, at least, we're having a lot of technical difficulties. The coffee-maker is broken, water comes out a trickle, and the ice-maker quit this morning. Not to mention, our manager isn't the greatest at keeping things stocked, so we run out frequently, and though I'm capable, I hate being the one to call the head honcho and get things sorted out...
But such is life...
I've lost pretty much all interest in exercising.
I haven't ridden bike or gone for a walk, even, in probably a month --though I'm going biking with a friend later today, as I actually have a few hours free-- and I feel rather lethargic and lazy...
And yet, it's not that I'm not busy, or doing work --or even, surprisingly enough, doing dishes at home-- it's just that I'm not...what is it...I'm not 'healthy' maybe?
I can't quite explain it...
I found out my ex might have another girlfriend.
Ouch, of course.
And though I stayed calm when my friend told me she saw him at the movies with another girl, I had to cry when I told Mom about it. And okay, so I'd prefer he find another girl rather than joining the priesthood (there are just so many things I don't agree with in the Catholic church), but it's amazing how much it hurts, even after all this time...
I've started to keep track of my spending.
Mom and I figured out about how much I should be making a month, and there's about two hundred dollars we can't account for, which is obviously being spent on junk that I don't even think about, and we were saying "How can I be this irresponsible?"
So I've started a notebook with everything I spend, I'm keeping receipts, and we'll try to see what I'm doing, and it really makes you think about what you're buying.
And I'm happy to say, I already find progress, in that I haven't bought chocolate frosting in two weeks. :)
And I suppose there are other things, but that's all I've got right now, my brain's on the fritz, a bit...
I'll be on more often, I hope.
Love you all...
(Minus the people yelling at me in Russian, of course.)
I can't decide what to say, life has been so weird...
First off, though, let me apologize...
To Jessie, my beloved sister, for not understanding exactly what it is you're going through, because I don't even know!! I wish you'd have told me, it was a big shock reading it after not having reliable internet for who knows how long...
Just let me say, I'm praying for you, not just that you get through it, but I told God, I'm asking for a MIRACLE! because you deserve one, you need one, and why is it that we're so afraid to ask God for what he so freely gives? So, Jess, don't worry, everything's going to be great, cuz God doesn't work half-assed...
(And maybe I shouldn't swear in the same sentence that I talk about Him in, right?)
Also, I apologize to Beth, for not knowing what's going on with you as well. I think it's just awesome that you even have the opportunity to be over there, and I never thought about all the hardships you might be going through, and I hope that everyone else has been encouraging enough that you forgive my lack thereof. You're such a strong person, and so brave to be over there and I fully believe in your ability to make a difference while you're there.
*Sigh*
Now that my conscience is soothed...
Things that have been going on in my life...
We have a lot of double-shifts.
And don't get me wrong, I love my work, but sometimes I'd just like to sleep. I'm exhausted to the point that in the last few weeks, I've read only five chapters of a book (and you all know how I love to read). And, in Angeno's, at least, we're having a lot of technical difficulties. The coffee-maker is broken, water comes out a trickle, and the ice-maker quit this morning. Not to mention, our manager isn't the greatest at keeping things stocked, so we run out frequently, and though I'm capable, I hate being the one to call the head honcho and get things sorted out...
But such is life...
I've lost pretty much all interest in exercising.
I haven't ridden bike or gone for a walk, even, in probably a month --though I'm going biking with a friend later today, as I actually have a few hours free-- and I feel rather lethargic and lazy...
And yet, it's not that I'm not busy, or doing work --or even, surprisingly enough, doing dishes at home-- it's just that I'm not...what is it...I'm not 'healthy' maybe?
I can't quite explain it...
I found out my ex might have another girlfriend.
Ouch, of course.
And though I stayed calm when my friend told me she saw him at the movies with another girl, I had to cry when I told Mom about it. And okay, so I'd prefer he find another girl rather than joining the priesthood (there are just so many things I don't agree with in the Catholic church), but it's amazing how much it hurts, even after all this time...
I've started to keep track of my spending.
Mom and I figured out about how much I should be making a month, and there's about two hundred dollars we can't account for, which is obviously being spent on junk that I don't even think about, and we were saying "How can I be this irresponsible?"
So I've started a notebook with everything I spend, I'm keeping receipts, and we'll try to see what I'm doing, and it really makes you think about what you're buying.
And I'm happy to say, I already find progress, in that I haven't bought chocolate frosting in two weeks. :)
And I suppose there are other things, but that's all I've got right now, my brain's on the fritz, a bit...
I'll be on more often, I hope.
Love you all...
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