Wrestling with a Futon (And other changes to my room...)

So I bought a futon today. I was kind of tired of my bed being frameless and in the way. That, and I got a very nice check from the cleaners that I wasn't expecting. So instead of waiting until March (only a few days...) I went out to WalMart this morning and bought it, just like that.
And then spent four+ hours trying to put it together.
The instructions say you only need an hour and a half...and maybe that's true. Except for the fact that I put it together wrong the first time. Upside down or backwards or something. So I cursed (sorry!) and took it apart and started all over. Only to realize that I'd mixed up something else. But no, that was the same piece I just fixed and even if I'd done it wrong, it was nothing I couldn't adapt to, so it was STAYING PUT!! More growling and grumbling and hitting my head on the bars as I laid on my back trying to put it together upside down...but it's done!!
VICTORY IS MINE!!!
And here's a picture (from the store, but the one I bought) to give you an idea of how simple it is...and to make you wonder how I could have possibly messed it up. :)

Aren't I amazing sometimes?
Another change, though...
So I've been bored and writing poetry and I decided about a week ago that I wanted to graffiti my wall...that is, I wanted to express myself with blue spray paint and a funky rhyme. Unfortunately, I don't HAVE blue spray paint, so I tried to figure something else out. One friend suggested I could simply use some of my left-over green paint and paint over the pink sponging, so I have a blank space. And then, since I DO have PINK spray paint, I could just use that instead. Fabulous idea, if I do say so myself. However, before I got over my laziness and found the incentive to dig out my green paint, I mentioned my idea to Dad, who, voila!, has blue spray paint.
And so, here we are:


A little blurry, but here's what it says...

"Music rocks me back and forth
Gets me through the day
Keeps me sane each day I work
But why, I couldn't say"

Okay, so not the most brilliant, but it was the least depressing one I could think of, so it works, I think. :)
And those are the changes to my room.
YAY!!!

My Half of the Conversation...

Did Marissa send you the video about the atheist guy?

It's really cool, just music and words

But pretty awesome, I think I like it

I'd like to think I'd stand up, but I don't know...

Pretty powerful thinking...

I'm going to pray for courage...

Cuz there are things I wanna do, places I wanna go, but I always have some excuse

But I wonder, if instead of a real excuse, maybe it's just fear?

I'm a pretty fearful person, I've noticed...

YAY PRAYER!!!

lol

I got an email from Mom today

telling me how I should come to Haiti

and I responded how every time I planned something for God, things got in the way...

The devil's work, I think...

So I need double prayer!!

Cuz I really want to do things...

Like YWAM or Haiti or going to the Clarks

But it's not easy...

yes, really

I think I'm glad that most of my remaining books are not romance novels

cuz I think they poison me sometimes

and I need the antidote right now...

I think the hardest thing about going away from here will be finding a strong church and family to learn more about God...

That's about the gist of it before going on to less important things...like the weather...and Hildi...and 'What's up?'...and me being right simply by being Emma...
But anyway, the video I mentioned is about this professor who spends all semester trying to disprove the existence of God and at the end of the semester asks whoever still believes in Jesus to stand up, saying they're a fool if they do, and if God existed he would stop the chalk he dropped from breaking on the floor, and for twenty years no one stands, whether they truly don't believe or whether they're just afraid, but this one kid prays for the courage to stand up, and he does, the professor calls him a fool, but when he drops the chalk, it drops in such a way that it just rolls across the floor once it hits, and the professor, aghast, runs from the class, and then the student preaches about God to the rest of the class, pretty cool, I wish I could put it on here...
But it definitely got me thinking...
And I realized that the only thing keeping me here, the only thing that brought me back home after visiting Jessie, is fear.
If I wasn't so afraid, I'd have left long before.
I'd have gone to Switzerland.
I'd have gone on at least one tour with the Clarks.
I probably wouldn't have stayed with James as long as I did, if I even would have started dating him...
Amazing how powerful fear can be...
So this is my new thought-process, care of Air1's Verse of the Day (about two weeks ago, but I kept it anyway...):

"Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. " Proverbs 16:3, NLT

Not gonna let fear stand in my way anymore...

It's Not About Me...

I keep telling myself that, because I'm afraid everything that goes wrong is related to something I did...which is ridiculous, but there you have it.

My friend's problem is NOT about me, even though it might keep him from visiting tonight and he won't explain a thing.
My brother's need for civilian clothes is NOT about me, even though I had to fill up on gas earlier than I planned and get dressed earlier, too, so I could deliver them to him at the Marine headquarters.
My dad's frustrations are NOT about me, even if they bring my mood down and I have to suffer with him.
My sister's being gone and glad to be just by herself is NOT about me, even though it seems she gets bothered by me a lot more than she used to.
My brother's being on-the-air and not able to take my call is NOT about me, even though it still felt like a rejection.
My sister's not calling in who knows how long is NOT about me, even though I miss talking to her...

There are solutions to these and other problems...
I can let my friend know I'm there for him if he needs me and pray that he solves his problem.
I can thank Jay for getting me off my butt and dressed and out into the world, even at the cost of almost thirty dollars in gas, since I needed it anyway.
I can lift my Dad up and not let his moods bring mine down, just by encouraging him.
I can give Ellen a little more space than I have been and be a little more understanding of her needs.
I can give Eric a call later and ask how the radio business is doing.
I can call Jessie myself.

In fact, I think that's what I'll do...
Right after work, though, because I have to run...

"It's Amazing" by Jem

'Patience, now, frustration in the air
And people who don't care
Well it's gonna get you down
And you'll fall
Yes you will hit a wall
Get back up on your feet
And you'll be stronger and smarter...'

This morning I woke up to broken glass...

On the one hand, I was grateful, because I still have nightmares pretty much every night.
On the other hand, it was three in the morning, so I was still exhausted...
But there you have it, I can't rest and not have nightmares, so take the lesser of two evils, right?

Anyway, I sprinted upstairs, cuz I heard yelling (at three in the morning, I know, it's ridiculous) and Dad's in the kitchen scowling, his voice has gone down by the time I get there and he's just mumbling about how he's fifty-two and has done nothing with his life.
Right there with you, partner.
(At twenty-one, that is.)
But then I took a step back (mental) and started thinking, what has my Dad done?
He's helped bring eight kids into the world.
He's encouraged us in everything we do.
He's always there to help out, even if he grumbles.
While not reaching fame and fortune, his music has certainly touched MY life, and I'm sure it's touched others as well.
And he's helped so many people, paying bills, helping to move, fixing cars, giving a home rent-free, letting people use his studio to advance their own music careers, even just being someone to talk to...
And okay, sure, people take advantage of that sometimes.
But he's still done a lot of good.
He's compassionate, honorable, loyal and intelligent...
And though I might not say it, I'm proud to call him Dad.
So what's this nothing that he's done with his life?

Kinda makes me wonder what's the nothing I've done...
I am humbled...
And still exhausted even if I did get a few more hours of sleep after I swept up the broken glass...
Such is life.

Ice Cream Deprivation

So earlier last week I'd picked up some Schwann's chocolate ice cream --the cream of the crop!-- from a customer at the restaurant, and it made my day...
(Though, believe it or not, I forgot I had it until the next day)
But, instead of devouring the entire half-gallon box like I wanted, I served up a small bowl and saved the rest for the next night...and the next night...and the next night...
It kind of kept me going, gave me something to aim for.
Sort of like 'You make it through today and you can have another bowl.'
Now yesterday was a good day. I started off with a curse word, true, but that's only because I was half asleep when Mom told me I had to be in the church nursery in twenty minutes. (At least, I think that's the only reason.) But I had fun in the nursery, three girls, two boys, help from another church member, and it was good. And after church I was smart enough to eat right away, so I couldn't get cranky. Plus, someone was nice enough to make a chocolate cake and tell me I could have some (maybe they should have set a limit, though, since I think I ate half of it). And even when I spilled half the powder of a butterscotch pudding mix, I only laughed because it was funny to get it all over me, and I don't mind sweeping. We had a Star Wars marathon --only the good ones, that is, episodes 4-6, with Han and Leia and Luke-- and I ate cereal for dinner (my favorite, haha). And I finished a good book, rather inspirational, and there are a couple Bible verses to look up. And I even enjoyed an episode of The Partridge Family dad put on when the movies were finished and the girls were off to bed.
Then I decided I'd finish the ice cream, since there was only so much left.
And found that somebody had beat me to it.
Good day turned bad.
And call me crazy, I know you will, but I was almost as upset as when we broke up.
Just over ice cream.
But it really did help, knowing that was in the house...
And somebody had to ruin it for me...
I wish they'd asked me, at least; I'm not that awful that I wouldn't share...

One good thing, though, I was upset enough that I couldn't even focus on a new book, so I fell asleep before midnight.

Small wonders...

Valentine's Weekend Plus (A Few Days Late!)

So, it's been awhile, and I normally hate backtracking, but here we go...

Surprise, it's Friday the 13th!
So this morning I woke up, not quite feeling well, but determined to go to work, as there are bills to be paid in the next week, and I NEED THE MONEY!
So I got dressed, had all my things together, and decided to have breakfast before work.
Then I pour on the milk...
And before I even am able to take a bite, I run to the bathroom.
It was the scent that got to me.
So I call in, to both jobs, and spend the day feeling not so great, but, being adult (am I really now?) I'm not complaining, not crying, just dealing with it.
And I called Mom, who's still in California, and it occurred to me as I was speaking with her that today would have been our sixth anniversary...Mom joked that was the reason I got sick, at the thought of him...but a depressing thought nonetheless.
Even though I was sick, though, one of my friends, Alex, called and asked me to a movie, and then, after getting my hopes up, I had to plead with him to at least visit me, since that's what you do when your friends are sick, you visit and try to make their day a little better, right? So he did, and we watched a movie at home (a children's movie, during which he mumbled the whole time about it not having any sex in it, and I hit him a couple of times...), and then he left because he had a few large papers due Monday, and I was alone again.
Funny, but no one else was home at this point, except for Hildi, so if I never said anything, no one would know I had a guy over. Not that it matters since it's a non-dating relationship, but I still think Dad might have been concerned...
Anyway, the rest of the day, I've been in pain and sick and it's just no fun...
Though at least I have time to read a new novel, which is surprisingly funny so far, considering it's about Pride & Prejudice...
But I'm hungry for the first time, and I'm craving fruit so I think I'm going to see if I can keep an orange or an apple down...


Happy V-Day!!
Today has been pretty good...
It surprises me, as I'm not a big fan of Valentine's, what with yesterday being a half-anniversary and in three days, it's a whole anniversary...
Why do I fall for guys at weird times?
August and February are not good start dates at all...
Anyway, so I worked at the cleaners this morning, from seven to four, standing the whole time, except on my lunch break, instead of eating lunch, I fell asleep in this really comfy office chair...best time...
Actually, no, the best time came when my friend Patrick came to pick me up for our 'date.'
Not a real one, understand, we just didn't want to be alone on Valentine's.
So we went and saw "Last Chance Harvey" which we both feel we've seen before, though we haven't really, so there must be something about the story-line, but the only other movie I can think of is an old Carey Grant movie, and that's not his style, so he prolly hasn't seen it...
But, no, the movie wasn't the best time, although it was good, funny, if it took awhile to get into.
No, the best time was on the way to it, when Patrick let me drive his truck. It's a stick-shift. And I did AWESOME!!! Okay, so he only let me drive halfway before he made me pull into a gas station, but it honestly made my day...
And then he bought me a chocolate frosty afterward.
Chocolate ice cream is the way to my heart, haha...
Afterward, we came back home and watched this movie called "Crank" but we didn't really watch, or I didn't, at least, because after the full shift I pulled...
(Plus, I almost forgot, JAY IS HOME!!! He came home late last night, and I stayed up for that, and it's awesome, I think I have pictures somewhere...)
Well, anyway, I was really tired, so I practically fell asleep on top of him...
But it was still a pretty good v-day, better than I'd expected, and really, what more can I ask for?


Sunday's Stats
Today, Jay actually went to church with us.
Apparently he got into the habit in boot camp and he likes it.
(YAY!!!)
And he was in his dress blues and everyone kept coming up to him, thanking him for serving, asking what his plans were now that boot camp's over, etc, etc, etc...
The rest of us dressed up, too, but he obviously took the prize.
I don't mind...
Today is my day off...
I have nothing to do but clean...
So I will...
I need to clear off my piano...
And I think I might have to shop for a few things, but that's up and down...


Monday Monday Appears Again...
Bank this morning.
(Over one hundred deposited, and I wonder where I've been keeping it??)
And then two jobs, one after the other...
I'm pretty good at it, but I'm finding it's less and less stimulating as I go on.
Not that I don't enjoy it while I'm there, no...
It's just that it's been slow lately, so there's nothing to stimulate my brain.
But I'm good at what I do, and that's pretty cool, nothing to complain about there.
I really do love Mondays...
I just feel bored right now...
But MJ and I are reading a book together (that is, I read out loud while she listens) and it's getting pretty good, really funny, and I can't remember laughing this much ever...
What time is it?
Last I checked...
Saturday, Midnight.
Wonder what's happening?


Happy Un-Anniversary Tuesday!!
So today, if Bryant and I had stuck together, we'd be celebrating three years...
That's pretty amazing...
Though not as much as the fact that I'm still stuck on that date...
Anyone know where I can get my brain erased?
Anyway, so today, I really wanted to get off work early (both jobs again) because the bank closes at eight and since work gets off at seven, well, I'd like to go over there, deposit my tips for the day (they're getting better, by the way), and then run through my friend Mike's aisle and maybe buy some gum just so I can talk to him.
That's pretty much the only time I see him.
And since I was gone awhile, it's BEEN awhile.
But it got busy, I had to stay and sweep and mop and make sure everything looks just right...
So I got off at five to and instead simply went next-door to Angeno's to eat the Tuesday Night Special...
SPAGHETTI!!!
Which is all good fun, but still, I was slightly disappointed...

So my friend Patrick was moving a bunch of Mazda 3s (or something like that?) today.
Apparently not a cool car.
I could have told you that just by the fact it's a Mazda.
But, even being a Chevy fan as I am, I'm aware that every now and then the other companies make pretty awesome cars.
Not so this one.
At least according to Patrick.
Which is good enough for me...
Sometimes I wish we could talk about things other than cars, though...


What a Wacky Wednesday
So this morning, about three am-ish, I woke up screaming.
Not from a dream, though I faintly recall weirdness there.
No, it's because I had the biggest ear-ache I've ever had.
And I tried to ignore it at first, because I thought it was part of the dream, but it kept growing and growing and so I had to wake up, and I couldn't help but scream.
Just once, actually, and then I reverted to crying.
But I noticed almost immediately that my thoughts turned to HIM.
As if I can't have pain without him being there.
And I thought to myself, no wonder, you've never had any pain since the breakup that wasn't without him being there.
(In my thoughts, I mean.)
But once I got there, I couldn't go back.
That is, I couldn't disassociate him from the pain.
Which made it worse, actually.
Added to that, I couldn't find any ibuprofen or tylenol and so I had to wake up Mom.
She didn't complain, and she took my apology very nicely, but I still felt bad.
But she gave me some pills --advil, actually-- and some oiled cotton for my ear and sent me back to bed with a hug and a kiss, and I went back to sleep feeling much better.
And then I woke up all freaked out.

Allow me to revert to past occurrences.

I have freaky dreams.
Weird dreams.
Funky dreams.
Strange dreams.
Pointless dreams.
The list goes on...
And, since the breakup (or even before, if I'm completely honest --think PURPLE wedding dress), all these dreams have had something to do with James.

~can't hit me for saying his name Jess, cuz I'm not at your house!~

But I never tell people that, I simply say I had a nightmare, because I'm not supposed to be thinking about him, so that's the only classification I can give it.
This morning, though, I had a REAL nightmare.
With James in it.
I won't go into too much detail here, but what it comes down to is, I was about to die, and James didn't care enough to save me.
Needless to say, I wasn't happy when I woke up.
But thank God for friends who call at random times, because less than a minute after I woke up, my girlfriend Shonda called and ranted about what's going on in her life, so I was distracted from mine.

But anyway, my point is, up til now, life was seeming to go better.
I started off bad on Friday, but it was better, and I wasn't trying as hard to smile, and I was doing okay, if I was maybe a little bored...
Now I'm back to square one.
Damnit.


Today is Thursday
Back to present day.
Hope you didn't fall asleep while reading all that.
I'm off to a friend's today, watching movies, cooking, whatever, but before I go, I've got a little newsflash that I don't think my Mom has told you...
Katey is officially home-schooled, as of today.
And I get to help.
:)
Rock on, huh?
Love to you all...
(And I'll try to keep it one day at a time from now on)

Is this pre-mature?

This is what I wanna be for Halloween...


Anyone know where I can find a bike like that?

I think I need sleep now...
Good night...

Mac n Cheese Pizza

plus chicken, jalapenos, with white sauce, and I think cheddar, too.

It's good.
And I forgot to tell you.
But now I have.

TRY IT!!!

Purple has made the list...

But enough about me and my awful shopping habits...
(Though I gotta admit, my new shoes absolutely kick ass)

So, I went to church tonight (or last night, I suppose) for our 'Faithweaver Friends' night --for those who don't know, I'm leader of Circle 5, which has SIX kids, though only five showed tonight, ranging from first grade to sixth, and it's been almost two months...exactly...since I saw them.
Oh, ouch.

Today is the two-month anniversary of our breakup.
Well, okay, maybe not.
It's the fifth, I keep forgetting it's morning, technically...

Back to what I was saying...

So I went to church, and the kids were happy to see me, I hugged the girls --the boys just smiled, but kept their distance-- and we had a lot of fun, and I had Swedish Fish for the VERY FIRST TIME during snacktime...who knew that something sounding so strange could taste so good? Though the whole getting stuck to my teeth thing was kind of annoying, but candy is candy is candy so I don't mind (I've been cutting back on that, and it's annoying not having sugar, I think I'm going through withdrawal...and maybe that explains my mood!)
But, well, so it was awesome, and all and I loved seeing people again, and I focused really hard and I only lost track once (I think) and I was so happy...

And then I texted a friend who was maybe coming over, but he's been working too hard and he needs sleep, so we decided for another time...
And I'm all for sleep, so I don't mind.

But as I sat down in my room, trying to decide what to do with myself, I realized something...
(I wish I'd realized I forgot to do laundry like I just did now!!)
But, whatever, I realized that I was lonely.

I have my friends, but they're in these categories...
1. I'm a full-time student, and so I don't have time to come home, let alone hang out at a moment's notice.
2. I have to work all the time and I can't get off work easily, so I'm afraid we'll have to hang out another time.
3. I work with you and I'll be friendly to you, but don't expect to see me outside of work.
4. I go to church with you and I'll be friendly to you, but don't expect to see me outside of church.
(This second one, I don't know if it's actually my fault or theirs, cuz they really are nice people_
5. I met you through your ex (either one) and since you're not with him, there's not as much incentive to see you.
6. None of the above apply, but I'm too busy anyway.
At least that's what it feels like.

And it brought up an interesting thought...
The best part of breaking up: Getting my free-time back.
The worst part of breaking up: Getting my free-time back.
Because even though I have it, there's nothing to do, no one to do nothing with, and I'm on the verge of cracking!!!

I still dread sleep, though my dreams aren't as messed up as they have been...

"Here It Goes Again" by OK Go

'Just when you think you're in control,
just when you think you've got a hold,
just when you get on a roll,
Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again...'

And that's how I feel right now...

A strange night's sleep...

I tossed and turned and ached and cried --albeit silently-- and when I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of the strangest places, the strangest people, and I woke up still tired, and utterly confused...
But I woke up at a decent time, at least, so it's not all bad.
I'll be driving home today, haven't decided which route to take, but I've got enough music to last me the whole way, so I'm confident I won't go crazy, at least.
And then, yay, hooray, I have an entire car to unload, and at least two loads of laundry to do...
But I'll be home, which will be a relief, and I'll see my sisters and Mom and Dad...
And then I've got plans the next few days, so I'll be busy even before I go back to work.
I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not.
Pray for a safe trip, I guess...

Talking with Kiana (but no, she's not awake anymore)

And somehow we got on the subject of boys, and it occurred to me...
James and Bryant used the same excuse.
Not in so many words.
"I want to be a priest" vs. "I think we're going in different directions."
No, it was that they're not ready for what I want, and they both said they don't want me to have to wait for them, or to settle for them, or whatever...
And that just makes me mad.
Because now I wonder...
Do they really feel that way, and they want what's best for me?
Or is that just a patented line boys use to make girls feel better?
It doesn't work, for the record.
And now that I'm thinking about it, I feel just plain awful.
And I know, I know God's got great plans for me, plans to sustain me and whatever, I know, I know, I KNOW!
But even though I'm learning to be patient (I'm not quite there yet) for future, the past still hurts.
I can only learn from it.
But what I'm learning doesn't bode well for the future...
Release me, please...
I don't want to cry myself to sleep again...
Especially when I'm not alone in bed and I don't know how heavy of a sleeper Kiki is.
Life doesn't suck.
But it sure feels like it right now...
I'm probably just tired.

Good night, my patient audience...

25 Random Facts About Me... (Taking a page from Beth)

I also have been tagged by numerous people on Facebook to do this, so I'll do it here...and then MAYBE add it to Facebook...or maybe I won't. Cuz I'm random like that. :)



Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.



1. I have Smurfette pajamas --I gave some to Jessie for Christmas-- and I absolutely LOVE them...though I don't really like the Smurfs.

2. I like to wear rubber bracelets. I got some from my younger brother, a turquoise blue, and I wore them all the time until they broke...I was bracelet-less for ages...and then a month ago, I saw black and pink ones at Kohl's...and I am bracelet-less no more!

3. I love to do the dishes. Hand-wash, that is. I HATE dishwashers, and vow to never have one in my home, or to take it out if I do. It's cathartic, I think the word is...though I MUST have music to listen to while I wash.

4. Whenever I see something purple, I have to buy it...but I never do, and I think I have maybe two, three things purple...a comfy sweater...a book...some nail polish...it just seems that every purple dark enough to suit me can't help but be blue instead.

5. I hate cold weather, but I love the way snow looks, and I will play for hours if I can, and I don't even notice when I'm getting hypo-thermia (did anyone know me back in tenth grade biology?).

6. I dream every night, sometimes about old friends, sometimes about new, almost always getting in and out of awkward situations, and twice I've thought that if I could only find the person in the dream, I'd find my true love.

7. I like to brag about my typing ability.

8. I have a fuzzy blue plaid-type pillow that I sleep with every night. I used to hate the pillow because it's not actually very comfortable, but it kept me sane when a certain person forgot to call me to say goodnight, so now it's indispensable.

9. I like to sing, a lot, I used to be soprano, and I could hit the highest high notes you could imagine --withOUT breaking glass-- but senior year, I got a cold and my voice just wasn't the same, so I moved down to alto, where I can also hit the lowest low notes. If I want to, I can still sing high, but not for long before my voice gives.

10. I don't get cramps during my period, only for a day or two about a week after.

11. Before I cut my hair short in tenth grade...or was it eleventh? My hair was pretty straight, though it curled under, sort of like Doris Day's. Afterward, it became the curliest thing on the planet, and I have to use a straightener to get rid of those blasted curls...

12. I love every job I've ever had, even on bad days, and friends are amazed that I stick with them as long as I do.

13. Even after three and a half (almost?) years at Angeno's, I still love all their food, and I could eat it every day, all the time. No one else who works there --even the ones who've been there shorter times-- can say the same.

14. I love driving at nighttime. If I can, I'll drive all night, losing sleep, rather than wait until the next day. I'm not sure if it's because of the quiet streets or just because I'm weird...

15. My legs ache when I get tired. I consider it a sort of inner alarm clock, only telling me to go to sleep instead of to wake up.

16. Thursdays are my favorite day of the week, but I can't remember why, because they're also my busiest.

17. I always pack way too much when I go on trips, because I'm convinced that I absolutely NEED everything but the kitchen sink.

18. I'm afraid of dying, not because I don't know where I'm going, but because, since all I'll want to do is praise and worship, won't I get bored?? I guess I'm more afraid of being bored than dying, because, if I'm bored, what's the point?

19. I like to take pictures, but I'm really bad at it --don't ask me to take pictures for you!!

20. I'm determined to become awesome at the game 'Halo'. Don't ask.

21. Red is my favorite color. It could be because it's eye-catching, but I think it's more to do with the fact that I look pretty rockin' in it.

22. I am amused by the most amazing of things...such as a brick wall I didn't even know was behind me.

23. I cry when I get really mad. Not because I think it'll sway others to my opinion, no, I'm not that manipulative. It just seems no one really believes I'm upset unless tears are involved...is this because of past incidents I can't remember, perhaps?

24. Glow-in-the-dark stuff freaks me out. Mostly because I don't remember it exists. Like the million times I've had g-i-t-d nail polish on my toes and then I wake up in the middle of the night...

25. My profile says I hate cheesecake, which is true, but, if you watch me, you'll observe that, at any occasion, if it's offered, I'll take at least two pieces, possibly coming back for more...I think it's the sugar that gets me.

Enough randomness...
Actually...
Because I don't know how --or maybe don't care to know is a better description-- I'm not going to tag twenty-five people...
I'm not going to tag anyone.
Yay!
Or not, haha...

The Craziness...

Is actually not as crazy as one might think.
I take care of Liberty, but really only changing diapers, giving her some of my food, filling her sippy cup...and enduring endless childrens' movies...but I kind of like it...and once I put the movie in, I can actually fall back to sleep, lol.
(I think Jess would like to pour water on me some days, but she's been good so far)
I do the dishes at night...though, okay, I missed tonight and last night...ouch...but I try, and the other day I vacuumed --that's on ERIC's job list, not mine, so hah!-- and I keep my stuff picked up, and I clean up after Liberty, and I'm a lot less messy here than I am at home, so I guess I'm good.
When I can, I hold Logan and keep him happy, and I'm always rushing to get diapers for Jessie...
I almost wish I could stay forever, because the longer I'm here, the more I can hold him. The last few days have been okay, but before, any time I'd ask, Jess would snap "NO!" and I'd back off, and just wish I was the one with the baby instead so I could be mean...
Though, honest, I don't think she meant to, I think it's just part of being a mommy.
I'll be just as bad, if not worse, I'm sure, when my time comes.
We've had an assortment of visitors...
A bunch of friends, of course, some for the evening, some for just ten minutes...most for the evening...and family, too. Mom and the girls --minus Ellen-- came down that first weekend, and that was nice, though I'll admit, I wasn't sociable, mostly because it looked like Mom and Jess were into their own conversations, Maggie was into her book, Katey annoyed me the minute I saw her, and Hildi...well, I'm not good at being 'adult' with babies, I like to play, and I needed stimulation...damn Ellen for not coming...no scratch that, sorry...Ross has been over several times, he's a very proud uncle, I think even happier to have a nephew than a niece, haha. Lowell comes when he can, too, though he drives a lot and is gone mostly...even Justin made an appearance, though I ignored him...I'm so mean, but apparently Jessie's meaner, I just didn't hear with the headphones on. Oh, and Aunt Kim and Tate came by yesterday and it was nice chatting with them, and I made the observation that, despite no blood relation, Tate and Katey look somewhat alike...maybe I'm crazy, but they thought it might be the fact that they're going through growing stages...whatever...

I kind of rambled there...
Go figure...

So I'm having my moments, mostly in the middle of the night, still kind of dread sleeping, whatever, but I'm a lot calmer, I think, and a lot less easily upset these last couple days, so obviously prayers are working --thank you to those who kept up.
I think I'm going home soon, though...
Even though I dread it...
I don't want to sleep in my room...
But I feel like I'm almost an extra here, even if no one actually thinks so.
So, if the weather's okay, I'll probably be going on either Monday...today...or Tuesday...we'll see, I guess...
Pray for a safe trip!